Still Breathing
by SoulsOnFire
Summary: Two years ago, their son was kidnapped. A year ago, their marriage collapsed under the weight of their grief. Can Edward and Bella pick up the pieces of their shattered life when fate gives them a second chance at a family? E/B [AH/AU/MC]
1. The Absence Of Sunshine

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 _ **Still Breathing**_

 **Chapter One**

 _ **The Absence of Sunshine**_

 **EPOV**

Flicking the butt of my cigarette, I ignore the incessant vibration of my phone against my leg. I was late. Really fucking late, to be more precise. Exhaling smoke from my mouth, I drop the cancer stick into the ashtray. It was a terrible habit, one that I'd recently developed, but I needed something to keep my hands occupied. It never ended well if I was left to my own devices for too long. Turning my gaze to the amber colored liquid residing in the glass tumbler in front of me, I lift into my lips and take a swig, letting the alcohol rest on my tongue for a moment before swallowing it completely. I wasn't a big fan of scotch, but today, I was definitely a fan of the burn it provided. My gaze focused on the ring of perspiration left on the wooden bar top. The bartender had given me a coaster, but I disregarded it as I did most things these days. In doing so, I left a mark on the worn wood where so many marks had been left before. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that mine was fresh, or the simple knowledge behind the reason I sat in a dingy bar wasting my day away, but my mark seemed more prominent than the others, as it always seemed to be no matter the situation. Bringing the glass to my lips again, I swallow the remaining liquid before standing and tossing some money on the counter. I didn't want to ponder my scars, but it appeared that regardless of the atmosphere, it was inevitable today.

Pushing the door open, I step out into the blinding sunlight and squint my eyes up at the sky, irrationally aggravated that it was so sunny out on a day that should be gloomy. I feel the vibration of my phone begin again and reach into my pocket to pull it out as I start walking the two blocks towards where I know my family to be. Bringing the phone to my ear, I'm immediately assaulted by my sisters typically over excited and high pitched voice. How she could be excited on a day like today, I'll never know.

"Edward! Where are you? Do you know how worried we've been? You said you were coming. I understand that today is-"

I cut her off before she could finish her sentence. "I'm well aware of what today is, Alice. I don't need _you_ to remind me, but thanks anyway."

"You really need to be here, Edward. It's about Anth-"

Halting my strides on the sidewalk, I inhale a sharp breath. "Alice, what don't you guys fucking understand? I have enough goddamn reminders that it's the anniversary of my son's disappearance. I don't want to gather in a goddamn room and talk about him. I don't want to relive what happened that night or talk about what he would look like now. I don't want to do it. I can't be there for that. Not today."

Pulling the phone from my ear, I hear Alice's muffled voice say, "Edward, you don't under-" and I abruptly end the call.

Dragging a hand down my face, I start walking again, doing my best to ignore the onslaught of emotions barreling their way through my mind. Just as I'm about to slip my phone back into my pocket, it starts buzzing again. Sighing deeply, I glance down and freeze. The name flashing across the screen is one that I never expected to see again, a name that even my family knew better than to bring up around me. My heart stops beating, only to restart at pace so high that I unconsciously raise a hand to my chest as I bring my phone to my ear, my voice cracking as I speak.

"Bella?"

After a brief hesitation, a timid voice coated with thick emotion finally responds. "Edward..."

An onslaught of memories rush to the surface, and I'm brought back to two years ago, the last time I heard Bella's voice. She'd taken Anthony to the carnival in town. I was supposed to meet them there but I never made it. I had to work late, a choice I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. Maybe if I had shown up, things would've been different. I would give anything to go back in time and prevent all of it, but life just doesn't fuckin' work that way.

When she explained what had happened, I tried to picture it. I tried to visualize my wife being beaten near the brink of death, and our son being ripped from our lives by a man nobody had seen or heard from since. I tried to imagine the man that she described, a man who could tear apart a family that had done nothing wrong. My mind wasn't capable of creating such a monster.

When she told me she was leaving, that she couldn't live with herself and face me everyday knowing that it was her fault that our son was gone, I tried to stop her. I begged and pleaded with her to stay. She was just as stubborn as she always had been, and she had made up her mind. It wasn't her fault, and I told her as much while tears were streaming down my face, though I'd thrown contradicting words in her face the night before. She left me crumpled on the floor as I watched her walk out of my life, shattering what was left of my broken heart.

I haven't seen or heard from her since I'd left our house that night, leaving her the house filled with the memories she desperately clung to. I knew she still held hope of finding Anthony, and as much as I refused to admit it to anyone else, the same hope coursed through my veins. Reality tells me that the chances are horrifyingly low, that my son might never be found alive. Logic tells me that after finding no trace of him the first week of his disappearance, and only dead end tips since, it was a fight that could never be won. A fight against time, against a man that nobody knew anything about. I've tried to accept it, the fact that Anthony might be dead, that he most likely had died the very night he was taken from us. Thoughts of how that may have happened still keep me up at night and are the very reason why I would rather rot away in a quiet bar than be around my smiling family, or what's left of it. It was almost easier to believe that he was dead. How was I supposed to live with the alternative? In the beginning, I couldn't even eat without imagining my son starving to death in a shallow grave somewhere.

I did everything I could, so did Bella. We made missing child posters and hung them everywhere from our city to all surrounding towns and even crossed some state lines. We searched playgrounds, schools, abandoned houses, warehouses and shelters. Money was never an obstacle, and we spent thousands on advertisements and private investigators, but even an outrageous reward brought nothing but liars and false leads. We didn't sit at home and wait for the police to give us updates, not that they ever had much to update us on. We questioned everyone we came across and I can't even count how many nights I found myself in the empty field where that carnival had been, just trying to see it happen. Trying to imagine the deranged man that destroyed my family. Constantly searching for anything at all. A clue, a hint of _something._ But there was just _nothing._ No trace, no hope, no signs and any fragment of faith that I was clinging to died a little bit more with every new day that went by. I might have lost faith in, fuck, I don't know. Everything, I guess. I may have given up on everyone's ability to find him, but I never stopped hoping he was alive, no matter how awful of a person that made me. How could I be selfish enough to wish that my son was still living through whatever torment he was experiencing?

Losing my son was the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me. There's no way to describe how it feels to know that my innocent toddler was taken from us and likely murdered as a result. It was our fault, as parents. We were supposed to protect him. From everyone and everything that could hurt him, but we failed. The only thing that came close to the pain of losing Anthony was losing my wife shortly after. As if it wasn't hard enough to know that my boy was gone, my wife, my partner and best friend, left me too. Bella left me alone to deal with not one but two overwhelming losses, and I'd tried and failed to drown my despair every day since. She may as well have put the final nail in my coffin.

Over the last two years, I've buried myself in work trying to avoid life as much as possible. I've tried to accept the fact that the happy life I once took for granted would never come back. If I could do it all again, I would've spent more time with them. I wouldn't have worked so late or taken those weekend meetings. I wouldn't have missed anniversary dinners because work was just 'too important'. I wouldn't have sent my wife and son on a family vacation with my sister and her husband. I would've went with them. I wouldn't have missed the carnival that led to this nightmare. _Maybe I could've prevented it. Maybe they'd still be here._

Scrubbing a shaking hand over my face, I swallowed the emotions that threatened to bring me to my knees as I heard that voice, one of the two that I missed every minute of every day. I pushed the memories back and sucked in a ragged breath. I realized I had been utterly silent for at least a minute. She said she wouldn't call. She said there was only one way that I would ever hear from her again. My heart stopped dead in my chest at the realization, and I tried my hardest to keep that damn hope from blooming in my chest. "Bella. They found him? He's alive?"

 **—** **-**

 **A/N: We hope you guys enjoy this one, it's from the both of us. Follow us and our story for updates! We're looking at posting every Friday for Still Breathing, but don't worry! Our individual stories are still underway as well. Reviews make our hearts happy.**

 **~ Firefly & Fireheart ~**


	2. Holes In Our Armor

**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**

 **Still Breathing**  
 **Chapter Two**  
 **Holes In Our Armor**

* * *

 **EPOV**  
When she spoke again, my voice broke on a sob that had been waiting two years to escape. I barely heard the words, her own cries muffling through the phone, but I heard enough to know that not only did they find my son, but he was alive after all this fucking time. I had no idea what could've happened to him or where he'd been, all I knew was that I would do everything I could to bring him home.

"Edward, our baby is alive." Bella said the words twice and they had barely sunk in before I found myself in the car and on my way to her house. Our house. We had to get to the hospital. I didn't have all the details yet, but somehow the police found him and took him to the hospital. When they checked his prints in the system, he came up as a missing child and called us immediately. I must've missed their call when I was avoiding Alice. Bella didn't know how long we would have to be questioned before we got to see him, but it didn't matter now. He was alive and only fifteen minutes away.

My phone rang at least a dozen more times, but I chose to ignore my sister. I would tell them eventually, I just needed this moment. I needed to cry for my son. For my wife. For the life I once lost and had a chance to see again. I needed this moment to steel myself for whatever I was about to walk into. So many possibilities went through my head while I raced towards the house to pick up Bella. What if it wasn't him? What if they got it wrong and it was another child? What if something awful had happened to him? I did my best to not let my mind wander to that scary place where I dreamed up horrible scenarios. I had to stay focused. For my own damn good, but also for Bella. I had no idea what to expect coming face to face with her but I knew it sure as fuck wasn't going to be easy. I knew everything about my wife, and despite how long it had been, I knew enough to know that if this ended up as a mistake, if it wasn't Anthony, it would shatter what was left of her. There would be no coming back from it. Not this time.

When I pulled into the once familiar driveway, I barely had a moment to catch my breath and she was there. Bella was running out of the house and towards the car, tears running down her cheeks and a look in her eyes that caused my heart to clench. She was Bella, but not. The light inside her was gone, just as it was the day I left. She was thinner than I remembered and so very pale. Her hair was the same color, but longer. It was in a messy ponytail, not the way she used to wear it. She looked tired. She looked broken. I wondered if that was how I looked to everyone else when they looked at me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she slid into the passenger seat.

There was no right thing to say, not about this. I just held my hand out for her and hoped she would take it. When her eyes met mine, there was nothing but pain and regret hiding under some facet of hope that our son was waiting for us to bring him home. When she took my hand, it was our way of strength. Just for that moment, to be there for each other. We didn't speak, we didn't need to. We just drove in silence, the only sound louder than my own pulse was the rain as it poured down on us. At least the weather finally fit the mood.

The drive was simultaneously the longest fifteen minutes of my life and not nearly long enough. When I pulled into a spot and cut the engine, neither of us moved. I had been in such a rush to get here, we both had, but now that we were faced with the truth walking into that building would bring, I was terrified. Turning my head towards Bella, I audibly exhale, my breath breaking the silence between us. Squeezing my eyes shut, I bring our clasped hands to my lips and speak against our knuckles.

"What if it isn't him, Bella?"

Her response is immediate, and I should've expected it. Despite every false lead, every diminished shred of hope, Bella followed them all with a tenacity that even I couldn't believe. She never lost faith, never doubted that our boy was still alive. Her hand is yanked out of mine and her door is wrenched open before I can even pull the key from the ignition. Even though I can see the fear that my words struck in her eyes, her voice is strong and unwavering as she steps out into the rain and turns to face me.

"It's him, Edward. Our son is right there, inside that building, and I can't believe you'd even doubt that right now." She turns to face the hospital, her hand still on the doorframe as the rain soaks into her clothes and drenched the passenger seat of my car. Not that I give a fuck. "You're scared. So am I, Edward, but I'm not afraid that the police made a mistake. I'm afraid of everything else. What happened to him? Does he even remember us?" Swallowing, she shakes her head and moves to close the door but within seconds I'm scrambling out of the car and standing beside her. "It doesn't matter. He's still Anthony. He's still our son." There isn't a shred of doubt in her voice, and I wish, not for the first time, that I could have her faith in this situation.

I was supposed to be the strong one, but it's always been her, no matter how much it may have broken her to be so. I didn't have it in me to tell her she was right, to give into the swell of hope building in my chest. Not until I saw our son with my own eyes. Without a word, I grabbed her and walked hand in hand with Bella, my fingers tightening around hers as the emergency room doors got closer and closer. There was so much chaos going on that I wasn't sure where to look, but Bella didn't hesitate as she pulled us straight towards the nurses station. A group of police officers, social workers and doctors were all gathered in the hall nearby and it didn't take much to know that it was where we were supposed to be. I was instantaneously glad that the media hadn't caught wind of this yet. In the beginning of our search, we were beyond grateful for the news coverage we received, but after one too many false tips, I couldn't stand to turn the television on. Couldn't stand to hear the commentary from strangers about a little boy nobody knew better than we did. The room was heavily guarded, sealed from sight, but I knew that he was in there. Something inside of me tugged, and I drew from Bella's confidence, finally giving in to that little seed of hope that maybe, just maybe, there was no mistake this time. That my son was alive and right behind that door.

"Bella..." my own voice is nothing more than terrified breath as I pulled her attention away from the officers and their notepads and towards the doorway where I knew he was. Her gaze followed mine and her voice sounded more alive than it ever had.

"Anthony?" It was loud, screamed out with the type of desperation that only a mother could achieve. It caught the attention of every person in that hallway. A broken mother searching for her baby. She was sprinting now, nobody dared to stop her as she ran straight to that doorway and collapsed to her knees just before it. My steps were much slower, fear guiding me as the hospital staff, officers and important suits cleared a path for me to stand behind my sobbing wife. I put my hands on her shoulders but she couldn't stand, so I carefully lifted her into my arms, my lips moving to her ear. Speaking softly, I murmur low enough that nobody can hear us.

"Bella… He can't." Swallowing, I try again. "Anthony can't see us like this. Not for the first time after… Not like this. You need to be strong." It takes a moment, and I understand completely, my arms quaking with their own need to lurch forward and wrench the door open. To finally see our son. Bella's breath comes in gasps, but she pulls herself together, her fingers digging into my arms as she regains her footing. Neither of us are paying attention to the crowd that's formed behind me, to the doctors and police officers that are standing just feet away, silently debating on how to handle this situation. It isn't up to them. It never was.

Bella's eyes meet mine, and I nod, my hand reaching for the handle on the door. My heart stops when I push it forward, and my grip on Bella tightens as my eyes land on a little boy lying in the hospital bed, half hidden underneath the blankets. The shock of bronze hair is all it takes for my knees to give out, and I lean heavily on the door frame, cradling Bella in my arms as it hits me. Anthony. It was Anthony.

A strangled sob escapes Bella's mouth, but she's quick to compose herself. Quicker than I am. Before I know what's happening, she wrenches herself from my grip and flies across the room, her knees hitting the tile floor beside his bedside with a thud that echoes against the sterile walls. I move slower, but with just as much need, my hands coming down on Bella's shaking shoulders as I look over our son. His eyes are shut, but even in sleep his little hand fists the blanket beside him and his lips are turned downward, a little pout on his face. His brows are drawn together in an expression that I recognize as one he made as a baby just before he began to cry, but no tears come this time. At least, not from him. I can't say the same for myself as wetness silently coats my cheeks.

I moved towards Bella as she knelt beside him, my hand squeezing her shoulder. I couldn't help but stare at our son in disbelief, so familiar yet so different. Two years lost. He had new features, longer hair, messy like mine. His nose was Bella's, and there was a small jagged scar on his forehead that hadn't been there before. I selfishly wanted to wake him just so I could hear his little voice. We didn't even get a chance to hold him yet and there were social workers pouring into the room. Detectives now lined the hallway peering in but child protective services wouldn't let them inside. Not yet. Still, I only spared them a glance, my attention solely focused on the little boy in front of us that I had desperately yearned for for so long.

I braced myself for the moment Bella noticed them intruding on this moment and knew any wrath I could possibly deliver was nothing compared to what Bella had inside her. My eyes stayed locked on Anthony, but I listened to the ramblings of the workers behind us. They wouldn't let us touch him or speak to him, not until we both participate in yet another DNA test to satisfy their needs. I knew that they were following policy, doing what they thought was best for Anthony, but how anyone could doubt that this child was anyone's but ours was beyond me. He was the spitting image of us.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to ask that you and your wife come with us. The results won't take long, but we can't risk the child's mental state. If you're not truly his parents, it isn't right to give him false hope."

My fingers tighten on Bella's shoulder, and though I thought that she wasn't paying attention, that her mind was solely focused on Anthony, I should've known better than to underestimate her. Her head whips around and she fixes her glare on the woman with a child protective service badge hanging from her neck. "False hope?" Bella grits her teeth, her voice low enough that it won't disturb our son, but menacing nonetheless. "You don't know the first thing about false hope."

"Ma'am —"

Cutting her off, I pull Bella to her feet, my voice rough from the restrained sobs in my throat. "Enough." Shaking my head, I turn once more to look at Anthony, silently committing the image to memory. It would take at least four hours for the results to come back, and then another hour to submit them, if we were lucky. "He's been through enough. He doesn't need to wake up and see us fighting." Lowering her head, Bella bites down on her lip before turning back to our son. Before anyone can stop her, not that I would have let them, she leans forward and presses her lips to his cheek, murmuring words against his skin that even I can't hear. For a second, I'm jealous, but I know that I have no right to be. Bella deserves this moment more than anyone, myself included. She doesn't look at any of us until we're back in the hallway, but our hands remain intertwined as the door shuts between Anthony and us once again.

Bella and I follow the team of overly curious hospital techs that had more questions than they were allowed to ask, but neither of us are paying attention to them. Our hearts and thoughts are both still back in that room, standing beside our sons bed. When we're led into another room, we sit across from each other and just watch one another in silence as the techs and nurses prep us for a full panel of bloodwork and a DNA mouth swab. Neither of us flinch as the needles poke and prod, something we have both gotten use to over the last two years. We were constantly updating the blood bank database at the off chance that Anthony's blood or DNA showed up at a crime scene.

It didn't take long before they were shoving orange juice in our hands and once the realization hit that we were finished, Bella wanted nothing more than to return to Anthony's bedside. We both knew we wouldn't be given that opportunity. Still, we tried. It wasn't until we reached his doorway and were met with detectives, child protective services and a child psychiatrist that we opted for pulling chairs down the hallway and sitting beside the door instead of causing a scene. We both just wanted to be as close as possible to him. I didn't refrain from glaring when I was introduced to the shrink, and I didn't even bother to let Bella finish speaking before I unleashed anxiety that ran soul deep.

"Why does my four year old son need to be released by a psychiatrist?" The doctors exchanged glances but Bella's eyes were only on me. Sensing my reaction, she was piecing the information together and catching up to where I was, her anger clicking into place and matching my own.

"Mr. and Mrs. Masen, we understand that you're eager to be reunited with your son, but there are some complications we need to discuss first, provided that the DNA results come back the way we're hoping." His voice was full of concern, his eyes searching between me and Bella. I felt her hand tighten in the material of my shirt, causing me to wrap an arm around her waist, but I kept my gaze on the balding man standing in front of us.

"What kind of complications?" Bella's voice was low, laced with fear as she looked to me instead of the psychiatrist. I just kept my arm around her, something that still felt so normal even after all this time.

"I'm afraid I can't discuss much until the DNA results come back, but I can tell you that the little boy in that room has suffered through a traumatic experience, one that we don't know much about, and there are going to be a lot of factors that we have to consider because of it." The man hesitates and glances around before lowering his voice. "He hasn't spoken a word since he's been brought in, didn't even utter a sound when the nurses gave him an IV. His mannerisms and pain tolerance do not line up with that of a typical four year old child, and if you're found to be his biological parents, you need to prepare yourselves for the rehabilitation that he's going to need."

"Edward, what happened to our baby?" Bella's voice shook even the doctors watching us nearby. There were tears in her already swollen eyes and it was all I could do not to pull her into my arms and carry her away from the asshole doctor who had just scared the shit out of her. In fact, the demeanor of every official we'd come in contact with had been cold and uncaring of our situation. I absently wondered if I should get Jasper down here to take notes; A lawsuit would be easy with these assholes running the case. Gritting my teeth, I mentally slap myself. Even here, now, I was thinking about work. How fucked up am I? Haven't I learned my lesson?

Grabbing Bella's hand, I turn to face her with my own set of tears lodged in my throat. "It doesn't matter. I mean, fuck, it matters, but Bella… We got him back. He's here. Our son is home. Whatever happened to him, whatever he's been through, we'll help him get through it. We have a second chance with our boy, Bella. With Anthony."

Sucking in a sharp breath, she nods and closes her eyes, her lips moving in a silent prayer as they'd done so often in the first months of Anthony's disappearance. It'd been over a year since I'd last seen Bella, but nothing had changed except the weight on her bones and the look in her eyes. For the next four hours, we sit silently beside each other, both of us refusing to acknowledge the staff around us until we're approached with the results of the DNA test. Results that we knew would be positive. Neither of us make any calls to our families. When everything happened, the support of our families became suffocating for both of us, and it isn't even a question in my mind as to whether we want them here to support us, or if we need to do this on our own.

It was the longest four hours of my existence, knowing that our son was just a few feet away and being kept from us, but exactly four hours and thirty two minutes after we'd sat down outside of Anthony's room, a man in a lab coat whose name I didn't bother to learn knelt before us with a police officer beside him. He spoke softly, the first asshole in this hospital that had shown any ounce of compassion, but the buzzing in my ears didn't allow me to hear anything he said except, "You can see him. It's been confirmed, he is your son."

Both Bella and I rushed forward, but a hand on my shoulder brought me up short as Bella pushed the door open and knelt by his bedside once more. "We've had him sedated. He was terrified of his surroundings and though he didn't have any treatable injuries, we were afraid he'd cause himself harm while he was sleeping. The thrashing was extreme. He should be waking up soon. I'll have everyone give you three some privacy, but a guard will be stationed outside your door, and child protective services will want to speak with you before they leave." Dropping my head, I nod in acknowledgement, but a pause from the doctor had me turning his way. "You should know that his CT-scan showed an extensive amount of previous injuries, most of which healed badly, and they'll be opening a case about them. I'm sure they weren't received while he was in your care, but they have to do their job." I knew he wasn't trying to be an asshole, but I wanted to rip his throat out all the same.

Clenching my fists, I barely refrain from hitting the doctor for even suggesting that Bella or I had ever harmed our child, but the sound of my wife murmuring to Anthony across the room brings the harsh reality of wasted time to the forefront of my mind. Instead, I shrug off the doctors hand and stride forward without a word, consciously aware of him slipping from the room and shutting the door behind him, leaving us alone with our son.

The weight of all that emotion finally came crashing down and it took a moment to steady myself. I stared at my son, then at my wife. For the first time in two years, our family was whole again. Together.

It was going to be a long road but we would stick together and find out what happened to our son. I was damn sure going to do everything in my power to find out just where he's been and why. I already made a mental note to have Jasper check every single missing person, accident, death, crime scene and arrest reports for the county in the last few days. The bastard that had my son would turn up somewhere and I made a silent vow to find him.

We would help Anthony and we would take care of him. We would take care of each other. Bella and I might be estranged but she was still my wife. We would get through all of it as a family. This little boy needed us more than ever and we wouldn't fail him again. We couldn't.

* * *

 **A/N: We're so excited that you guys love this story so much. As a thank you for all of the favorites and reviews we've received, we decided to post this chapter early. See you all next Friday!**

 **\- Firefly & Fireheart -**


	3. A Missing Lullaby

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 **Chapter Three**

 _ **A Missing Lullaby**_

 **BPOV**

"Teddy!" Smiling down at Anthony, I look over towards the booth that his little finger is pointing at. Sure enough, a giant brown teddy bear is hanging in front of a dart game. I'd never be able to win a prize at the booth, much less a grand prize. I'd never had much hand-eye coordination. That was Edwards expertise, and despite his promises, he wasn't here.

Bouncing my son on my hip, I giggle my laugh and press a kiss to his nose. "That's right, Anthony. Teddy. What's that?" Spinning us around, I point towards the train beside the booth and try to make a game out of the situation. I didn't need to upset my son just because his father couldn't keep his word. Edward had become so used to abandoning plans in place of work, that he didn't even bother to text excuses anymore.

"Train! Mama, ride!" Sighing in relief that I didn't have to bribe the carny with the darts for a teddy bear that I had no chance of carrying along with a toddler, I hitch Anthony's diaper bag up onto my shoulder and make my way over towards the train and stand in line. It was Saturday and the sky, for the most part, had been clear all day, so the carnival was jam-packed with families that, like us, were looking for some sort of entertainment for the weekend. Still, the clear weather made the typically crowded carnival much more busy and I hugged Anthony a little tighter to my chest as we stood in line.

"You want to ride the train, little man?" Anthony nods, and we spend the next five minutes making choo-choo sounds as we watch the train filled with children go around the tracks and through the tunnel on the other side. Parents lined the fence, their phones out as they snapped pictures of their kids on the train as it came out of the tunnel. It only left our sight for a few seconds before it emerged on the other side, but each time Anthony would gasp and clap in excitement. So many children were excited as they waited in line and Anthony was no different. At only two years old, he was already ahead of himself. I wished I could take the credit, but I think Sesame Street was responsible. Anthony recognized letters, numbers and shapes and he wasn't even in pre-school yet.

We moved slowly through the line and when it was Anthony's turn to pick a train car, I carried him over and buckled him into the red one amidst his chants of "Red! Red!"

Once the ride chaperone checked the seatbelt was secure, he asked me to wait by the exit ramp where parents were already lining up, phones at the ready. I made my way towards the other side of the tunnel and pulled my phone out, anxious to snap a few photos to send to Edward. Maybe it would inspire him to actually show up next time.

When the train started up, the choo-choo sounded, steam rising from the front cart as it pushed forward, making Anthony giggle in his seat, his hands clapping against the handle bar. The little girl sitting beside him was easily a few years older but she looked just as excited. I waved from my side of the tunnel and waited for the train to follow the curve of the track, over the grassy hill and through the tunnel to make its way towards us. I smiled and took a picture from across the tracks as the train disappeared into the tunnel, my son waving at me as the carts went through the makeshift cave. It was a cheap plastic dome that covered a good portion of the train track, but the kids loved it. Midway through the tunnel, the choo-choo sound echoed out around the train and the first car emerged. My phone was ready to snap a photo of his smiling face but when the red car came through, I didn't see Anthony. My first thought was that I was looking in the wrong spot, but when my eyes travelled down the line of train cars, my heart skipped a beat. The little girl that was sitting beside him was still there, but her face was one of confusion rather than joy, and she kept looking over her shoulder, back towards the tunnel.

For a moment, I thought that maybe he fell down into the car, or worse, that he could've fallen out of it. I watched the conductor strap him in myself though, so I didn't see how that was possible. My feet were moving before the train came to a stop, and I looked in the red car, my eyes flying around the empty seat where my son was sitting just moments before.

"Mommy! There was a man in there!" I didn't wait to hear the rest of the little girls shout to her mother, and my feet are moving before my head can catch up. The tunnel wasn't immersed in darkness, but it was dark enough that I couldn't see well enough to know whether my son was lying on the ground or not.

"Anthony?" My voice was loud enough to carry and it echoes across the tunnel walls, if he was in the tunnel, he would've heard me. The other parents started to seem alarmed and the ride attendant paused the train where it was. My voice was frantic as I repeatedly screamed his name, my gaze flying across child after child as I search for my own. I climbed onto the bench near the waiting area and peered out into the crowd of people, hoping to see any sign of my son. I didn't, and I started to doubt myself and ran back towards the entrance to the train tunnel, looking for him and the man that the girl said was inside.

When I searched the endless crowd of faces, all the children's laughs and cries faded out to nothing as I spun in circles until all I heard was my heartbeat, my breath and the sound of my sons cry. I closed my eyes and stopped moving, listening with everything I had. It only took a second and my eyes flashed open, my head snapping to the left. The parking lot. I ran as fast as I could, calling out for someone, anyone, to call the police. _Why wasn't anyone doing anything?_

Running through the crowd, I screamed Anthony's name, my fear guiding me as I saw just a glimpse of his jacket, a man carrying him, shielding him from sight. I ran faster, harder, not caring about who I knocked out of the way as I made my way through the gates and into the parking lot. The crowd was denser here, and so could move faster, but that meant so could he. My eyes scanned over the sporadic groups of people frantically as I ran in the direction they were headed. Remembering I had my phone, I called 9-1-1, screaming into the receiver before I even heard them initiate the call. My feet turned in circles, and I caught a glimpse of a man by himself on the far side of the parking lot. Without hesitating, I pushed past the group of people standing between us. When I locked eyes on my sons jacket again, he was being lowered into the backseat of a car. I didn't even get a chance to look at the type of car it was, I just needed to get to him. Running even faster, I made it to the man who took my baby and leaped onto his back, screaming as loud as I could, hoping anyone nearby would help us.

It all happened so fast. My nails clawed at the mans face, my knees connected with his groin, his face, everywhere. I was kicking and screaming but nobody came to see what was happening. I could hear Anthony crying in the backseat and when I pulled the backdoor open, I was yanked back by my hair. I screamed Anthony's name and once again I screamed for help. I was vaguely aware of this mans voice, the strange way he tried to calm me, as if he knew me.

"Stop it, Victoria. You're scaring Ethan." It pulled me up short but I didn't have a chance to open my mouth before I was being backhanded.

"You think you can just take my son and leave me?! I told you I'd never let him go, Vikki. It's time you learn what it's like to live without him. Without both of us." It was the last thing I heard before everything went black. I felt it, the moment my face was bashed off the trunk of the car. It stunned me into submission but I was still aware. I had an awful ringing in my ears, loud enough that I couldn't make out anything else the man was saying but he sounded angry, terrifyingly angry. I could barely hear Anthony's cries as I tried to crawl towards him. A kick to the ribs knocked me off balance and I curled into myself, the cold ground more inviting than I would've imagined as the fire of another painful punch to the stomach landed, forcing me to vomit on the ground. My vision was blurred, my back was aching and it hurt to breathe. The pain spread all over and I was still reaching for him when that last kick to the face left me unconscious on the ground.

It was nothing compared to the pain I felt when I woke up and realized that my son was gone.

We hope you all are as sad as we are after this one! but dont worry, the next chapter might even come out tonight! please keep thise reviews coming! we love the feedback and feel free to ask any questions!

~ Fireheart & Firefly


	4. False Hope

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 **Chapter Four**

 _ **False Hope**_

 **BPOV**

I didn't want to blink. _My baby._ I didn't want to close my eyes and wake up from this dream. I'd done it so many times in the past, but I wasn't sure if I'd survive this one. It felt so real. _He_ felt real. My son. I've had these moments before, the ones that promise a happy ending to the misery and despair. I've been lost to alternate realities for weeks at a time over the last year. I would wake up and not realize what day it was, what year it was. I thought Anthony was sleeping in his crib and I would make dinner, waiting for Edward to come home from work. Many nights have been spent sitting at a table set for two, until the candles burned down to nothing, as I waited for a husband who wasn't coming home.

I still don't know how many days, weeks or months have been lost to a false reality that I allowed my mind to create. When Christmas came, I decorated the house as usual, thinking that Edward had taken Anthony to get us a tree. I sat alone for hours just flicking the switch, watching the lights flicker on and off, finally realizing that I had done it again.

After a few months of my family not hearing from me, Charlie finally showed up at the house to make sure I was still breathing. When I answered the door in my zombie-like state, a sob broke from his body and he pulled me into a hug too tight for my liking. I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I barely even whispered as I told him to leave this house and never come back. I just turned inside and closed the door in his face. I didn't deserve comfort, not even from him. My own father. I couldn't even look him in the face, the same as Edward. They probably all hated me for losing Anthony. I wouldn't blame them, I even hated myself. I failed all of them. _It's all my fault._

 _March twenty-eighth. Our wedding anniversary. I woke up to cold sheets and a morning glow that peeked in through the curtains. Edward must've been up early, probably already working. I didn't hear Anthony crying so I snuck passed the nursery, not wanting to wake him as I headed straight for the kitchen. The door to Edwards office was closed, the little lamp forever turned on. He must've been sitting at his desk, way too early for that kind of work. He was too dedicated sometimes, I guess that's never really a terrible thing._

 _I stepped into the kitchen, wanting to surprise my hard-working husband with an anniversary breakfast. I moved around the kitchen with a comfortable familiarity, my actions too practiced to make any mistakes. The kitchen has always been my comfort zone. Cooking for Edward was more than a duty as his wife, but a hobby of mine. He loved my food and I loved preparing it for him._

 _The eggs were scrambled, the toast was buttered and the coffee was brewed. I made a platter full of heart shaped pancakes and set them on the carrying tray along with an assortment of fruit, juice and coffee, eggs and bacon, toast and diced hash browns; his favorite. I even scribbled a little note and left it on the try for him with a simple 'I love you, Happy Anniversary' in elegant script._

 _I lit the candle and added a fake rose that I had plucked from a floral arrangement that rested on an end table in the hall. When I reached his office door, I leaned the tray on my leg while I turned the handle and let myself in._

" _Edward?" The office was dim, the only light source was that little lamp that he never remembered to turn off. My eyes scanned the large office, the silence becoming overwhelming. The desk was empty, the couch untouched and the extra bathroom in the corner of the room was dark and silent. I set the tray on the perfectly organized desk and traced my finger along the edge of it, admiring how Edward-like it really was. Everything had a place and he kept his files neat. Even the pens and two picture frames were perfectly placed. One of Anthony, laughing in the park. The other was a black and white image of me, a photo he took long ago and had dubbed his favorite. I wasn't even looking at the camera, I was looking down but a smile graced my lips. The picture frames were dusty and I frowned to myself, sure that I'd cleaned in here a week ago._

 _I left the tray in the center of the desk, careful not to disturb anything important and sat in his big, comfy chair. My eyes glanced around the office and my smile began to fade. The silence of this house was deafening. It was as if a light flickered at the back of my mind and fragments of another life, a nightmare of a world, started to peek through._

 _The bile rose in my throat and my hand flew to my mouth, the other hand pressed hard and fast to my stomach as I did my best to keep down the emotions. When reality snapped back into place, it was shock and torment all over again. Edward wasn't home. Anthony wasn't sleeping in his crib. It was our wedding anniversary, but my husband didn't live here anymore._

 _The sobs that escaped me were painful, strong and louder with each breath, despite how often they came out. I couldn't tell what was real some days and on the ones that I could, I chose not to live in those moments. I remembered everything as I sat at my husband's desk and picked up the candle from his breakfast tray. With more tears, I blew out the candle and left his office, going straight to Anthony's bedroom, where an undisturbed crib greeted me like a blow to the chest._

 _That was the day the rest of what was left of me died inside._

It was my fault, of course. I told him it was better this way. Separate. I couldn't even look at him after everything had happened. He blamed me for losing Anthony. He told me as much the night before I told him to leave our home. _He hated me._ It's what I told myself over and over again, it was the only way I could let him go. I needed him, more than ever. But I didn't deserve his help, his love. I knew it was my fault that Anthony was gone but hearing Edward say it, even in the heat of anger, confirmed my fears. I couldn't stand to look at myself and didn't want to subject Edward to anymore heartache. It wasn't fair to force him to comfort me when I didn't deserve it. To force him to love the woman that ripped his heart out.

"It's your fault, Bella! Not mine! You couldn't even keep your eyes on our son, and now look at where we are!" He wasn't wrong. Not about that. It was the rest that I refused to believe. "He's gone. You can't keep doing this, we can't keep living like this. The police have told us that he's not coming home, baby. He's gone. We need to move on, to make a life out of what's left of us."

Anthony had been missing for three hundred and sixty five agonizing days when Edward had had enough. He'd found me sobbing into a blanket in Anthony's nursery. I couldn't help it, but neither I could I blame Edward. Not really. I'd done this to our family, I'd destroyed the happiness that we'd built. He was right to be angry with me, but I refused to believe that our son was dead. I spent my nights reliving the moment that he was taken from us, but every minute of every day was spent searching for anything that would lead me back to him. It'd been a year and we were no closer than we were the day he was taken, but Edward didn't have anymore fight in him. He'd watched me break down day after day, watched me put my hope into tips that went nowhere only to fall apart in the end. He'd been my rock throughout the entire ordeal, but it wasn't fair to him. I knew he was hurting just as much as I was, and I wasn't giving him the chance to grieve when he so desperately needed it.

So I left. Or, tried to. I didn't make it to the driveway before I broke down in sobs at the thought of leaving Anthony's bedroom behind. I could walk away from Edward, could give him the closure he needed, but the concept of never stepping foot into my baby boys room again was too much for me. Edward found me in the yard, fists full of dead grass from a yard that had once thrived, and made it easier for me, as he always had. He didn't even pack a bag, just helped me into the house and promised he wouldn't come back until I called him. I swore I wouldn't until Anthony was back, but he just smiled sadly and walked out the door. I knew he believed that our son was dead, but I didn't have it in me to consider the option. I could _feel_ him. He was alive, and nobody, not even my husband, could convince me otherwise.

I hadn't seen him since, and when my phone rang this morning I was curled up in Anthony's crib, my legs tucked against my chest and a teddy bear in my arms as I cried. For the first few months I couldn't even look at teddy bears.

It was the anniversary of the day he went missing, and the first one hadn't gone so well, so I'd spent the morning hiding in my sons bedroom. I was wiping my tears on the stuffed animals ear and wondering what I must've done in my past life to have a day that was so repetitively horrible when the phone rang again. I didn't want to move, didn't want to leave Anthony's room today. _Not today._ I could fake my way through conversations and wave away worries any other time, but today I didn't have it in me to pretend like I was alright when I so clearly wasn't. I ignored the phone, but the moment the ringing stopped it started up again, and I pulled myself out of Anthony's bed, the bear still in my hand as I stomped down the hallway. I wanted to scream, to rip the phone from the wall and wallow in my misery in peace, to tear the dozens of pictures of a happy family that hadn't smiled in two years from their place on the mantle. I never would, but I was so sick of looking at what used to be that I couldn't stand to look at them anymore.

Instead, I took a deep breath and answered the phone in a voice that sounded dead even to my own ears. "What?"

"Isabella Masen?" It was a police officer. I was expecting Alice, or even Esme, but it was a police officer. The teddy bear fell from my hands and hit the floor with a silent thud. The police hadn't bothered calling us in over six months. The case was cold, there was nothing they could do.

"Y-yes?" My voice was shaken and I cleared my throat as I prayed, prayed for a miracle, for the possibility of something good, for a tip that wasn't a dead end.

"Mrs. Masen, this is Officer Clearwater. We've spoken before." I remembered. He was one of the few people whose pitying looks weren't immediately followed up with a spiel on how I needed to remember how to live and a business card for a psychiatrist.

"I remember. What —" I swallowed, the words getting lodged in my throat. "What can I do for you?"

"Mrs. Masen, a little boy was recovered from an abandoned vehicle last night. We have reason to believe that it could be your son —" The phone fell from my hand. It hit the floor seconds before my knees did, and I scrambled to grab it. "— we need you and your husband to come down to Saint Joseph's Medical Center as soon as possible."

The tears welled in my eyes, that kernel of hope that I clung so desperately to, exploding in my chest. _Anthony._ I knew, with every fiber of my being, that this little boy was my son. "We'll be there." I hung up the phone without waiting for a response, my fingers flying over the keypad of my phone and dialing the number that I'd never forgotten but hadn't used in over a year.

My eyes soaked in every little movement that our son made. Every rise and fall of his chest, every twitch of his lips and crease of his brow. I watched and waited with baited breath as patiently as possible while Anthony slept, committing every second to memory. His little fingers clutched at the blankets while he dreamed of whatever it was that kept the crease between his eyebrows furrowed, even under the influence of sedatives. I couldn't hear his voice yet, couldn't see his eyes or that smile I missed so much, but even while he slept, the resemblance to myself and Edward was unmistakable. I couldn't help but smile at the messy bronze locks on top of his head, the same untamable hair as his daddy.

I kept catching myself staring at Edward and had to force myself to look away before he could catch me. Part of it was that my husband was literally sitting in the same room as me and my son for the first time in over two years but there were things I couldn't bring myself to think about, much less say out loud. The part that I tried to hide from everyone, even myself. There were so many unspoken words, so much unaddressed guilt. I was staring, studying his face and the mannerisms that I knew so well, looking for any sign that could tell me if this was real or if this was another alternate reality that my mind had created. If this was another lie, another figment of my imagination, the world truly was too cruel for me. It felt real. I could smell Edwards cologne, could see the new scars that marred our child's skin. I could taste the coffee he handed me from the hospital cafeteria and I could hear side conversations in the halls about other patients. Surely, my mind wasn't that creative. No god could be this cruel.

Even though he hadn't said much, I found myself hanging on Edwards every word, completely unsurprised at how whole it made me feel just to be able to hear his voice again after so long. Our son was back, the evidence his survival lying in a hospital bed in front of us. Did that mean I could have my husband back? It felt so familiar yet so strange, to be near him. I couldn't help but wonder if he still even looked at me as his wife. Before any words are spoken between us, Edward looks down at my hand wrapped around our sons and a look of anguish overcomes his features. I don't know what provokes it, but he's out of the room before I can ask, the door shutting softly behind him as he leaves Anthony and I alone for the first time. I'm struck with a feeling of longing, and though I'm overwhelmed with relief to have my son back, I wonder if it'll just be the two of us going home together. A thought hit me that was too awful to contemplate.

 _Maybe Edward had moved on without us._

 _We really hope you all enjoy reading! Thank you for all the love we have recieved so far, it means so much to us both. Please hit that pretty little review button and let us know your thoughts! See you next Friday!_

 _~ Fireheart & Firefly _


	5. Not a Day Goes By

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 **Chapter Five**

 _ **Not A Day Goes By**_

 **EPOV**

I couldn't breathe. I'd been holding Bella's hand all afternoon and hadn't noticed, but now all I could do was stare at the smooth skin where her wedding band once sat. _She took her rings off._ The ache in my chest grew tighter and I clenched my eyes shut, cutting off the image in front of me.

It didn't help. The reality of my world came crashing down and I realized that despite the presence of our son, we were never going to be the same family that we were before. Was there someone else? Did she move on? Could I live with that? The answer was a simple, resounding _no._

I couldn't ignore the tightness in my chest at the thought of Bella being with anyone else, I still couldn't even handle the fact that she didn't want to be with me. I had been in denial for a long time about our relationship coming to an end. Deep down I always hoped that one day, when she could to start to heal, we would be able to do that together. Seeing her bare finger, when I had sworn to never take my own ring off, it was a knife to the heart.

I hadn't allowed anyone to so much as mention her name around me in over a year. It was too hard to cope with, but as I sat here listening to the sound of my sons heartbeat monitor relay a steady rhythm and staring at that smooth expanse of skin, the realization of how much I'd missed sunk in. I didn't know anything about Bella anymore. Hell, I didn't even know Anthony. Struggling to gasp in a breath, I stand, my abrupt movement causing Bella's head to snap towards me. I didn't look at her, couldn't look at the question I knew I'd find in her eyes. This wasn't the time or place, but I wasn't sure I'd survive it if she told me she'd moved on.

The hallway is, thankfully, much emptier when I leave, the officer at the door nodding his head at me as I pass. I don't stop to talk to him and barely spare the man a glance, my hands roughly rubbing my face as I pace back and forth in the overly lit corridor. I couldn't do this, not by myself, and I didn't know if Bella and I were even a team anymore. I mean, we'd been fine so far, as much as possible for the circumstances, at least. Still, _she took her rings off._ I vividly remember the day I'd slid her engagement ring on, how happy it made her. The way she smiled and laughed, the light in her eyes. Her wedding band, the day our families gathered in my parents backyard and I slid the second ring onto her finger. She vowed to me that it didn't matter what life brought us, those rings would never leave her finger.

She lied. Neither of us thought that life would ever be this cruel, but she lied. Leaning against the wall, I slide down the rough surface until my ass hits the floor and my head leans forward to look at my own wedding band. It was simple, a gold band wrapped around my finger, but it meant everything to me and the thought of taking it off shot an ache down my chest that rivaled the one I'd felt the day my son went missing. Even on the bad days it's presence had brought me a modicum of comfort that one day, some day, I'd have my family back.

Tears streamed down my face unbidden, but I didn't bother trying to stop them. They were tears of relief for my sons safety just as they were tears of anguish for the loss of what we could have been. What our family should have been.

I don't know how long I sat there crying in the hallway, but my ass was numb by the time I reached into my pocket and turned my phone back on. I had an insane amount of missed calls but I ignored them all, scrolling past Alice's name until my best friends face lit the screen. _Jasper._ Dialing his number, I sniff, a disgusting wet noise sounding as he answers.

"Edward, man, what the fuck? Do you kno—"

"Jasper." My voice cracks on the word and I rub a hand over my face in a desperate attempt to pull myself together.

"Edward? Where are you? Are you alright? You're not drinking again, are you?"

A dry chuckle escapes my throat as my head rolls to face the door that my son is behind. Even when I needed to get away, I couldn't go far. "Jas, they found him. Anthony. He's… he's alive."

"Fuck, Edward, man, listen. I know today is hard for you, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. Where are you? I'm in my car, I'll come get you."

Shaking my head, I close my eyes, the sight of Anthony's door temporarily cut from my vision. "You don't understand, Jasper. Bella, she's here too."

He sucks in a sharp breath at that. No matter how fucked up I got, I'd never once said her name. Not since the day I'd moved into my condo. "Fuck. Listen, it'll be alright. What did you take? Tell me where you are."

Sighing, I realize that it'd be easier to explain in person, my eyes opening and focusing on my wedding band as I speak. "The hospital, Jas. First floor. You can't miss us. Look for the door with the cop posted outside."

"Cop? What did you do, Edward? Shit. Just don't say anything until I get there, you're not thinking straight. Ten minutes, man." I end the call, but I'm not sure how long it takes before Jasper's kneeling beside me. I just know that the officer hasn't moved and the door is still shut, and my legs are tingling with the need to move.

"Edward?" The confusion in Jasper's voice is real, and I look up at my best friend and wonder what he must be thinking. He didn't expect to find me in the hallway, but I don't explain myself. Instead, I just pull myself to my feet and gesture towards the door. The officer steps aside easily and Jasper hesitates before following me inside. His footsteps halt and I hear him suck in a breath of surprise as he takes in the scene of Bella and Anthony.

"Holy fuck." Bella's head turns towards me as Jasper's voice breaks the silence, and I don't miss the look of betrayal on her features as she meets my gaze. I wonder if she can see the same look reflecting back at her. A small part of me would've felt bad about it but all I could think about was the absence of her promise to me. That ring was a promise and she wasn't even wearing it. _Was she still my wife?_ I didn't have the heart to bring it up, not here, not now, but while Jasper stood in shock beside me and my wife wiped her tears from her cheeks, I absentmindedly twisted the band on my finger. Her eyes caught the movement, and a small gasp escaped her lips as she turned her head away from us. She understood why I'd left, why I'd called Jasper.

I'd broken our unspoken agreement to do this ourselves, but she'd broken her vow.

Anthony moves, his legs kicking at the blanket on top of him, and my mind immediately shifts gears and focuses on him as Bella stands and runs a soothing hand across his head. Immediately, he flinches back from the contact, his lips parting and face crumpling in what seems like a silent cry. My brow furrows as I watch him struggle, but a moment later I'm beside him. I realize the problem as he thrashes in bed and pull the blanket off of him. The result is immediate, and the reasoning behind his suddenly calm demeanor is one that I'm not ready to face.

"He doesn't like to feel held down." I don't mean to say it out loud, but Bella's strangled sob let's me know that I did anyway. I don't look at her, choosing to keep my eyes trained on Anthony. This wasn't about Bella and I, not right now. It was about our son. His breathing isn't even anymore and the increasing rhythm of his heart monitor clues us in a moment before his eyes open.

We freeze. I'm not even sure if I'm breathing as I watch Anthony blink the grogginess from his eyes. The moment he realizes his surroundings is obvious. His breathing picks up and the heart beat monitor kicks up speed, and I'm absentmindedly aware of Jasper slipping from the room. I know without asking that he's going to find a doctor.

Anthony's gaze finally lands on Bella, tears instantly filling his little jade eyes, and he shakes his head in a mannerism that's overly familiar to me before darting his eyes around and spotting me. He looks back and forth between Bella and I quickly, his little hands curling and uncurling against the sheets. I can't even begin to imagine what he must be thinking. If this was hard for Bella and I, I couldn't fathom what he was feeling.

"Anthony?" Bella's voice is soft, but it terrifies our son. He gasps pulls his knees to his chest, burying his head in his legs as he rocks back and forth on the bed. Bella pulls in a breath and I stand by watching the scene play out in front of me as she reaches forward and lays her hand on his back. It's meant to comfort, but he acts as if she struck him. His response is immediate and he lurches away from her, his little body scrambling back so abruptly that he falls from the bed. If he hurt himself on impact, he doesn't voice it, his face and body language showing every indication of fear but not a single sound escapes him aside from his ragged breathing. The heart rate monitor is pulled from his finger and the long, high pitched beep is enough to startle me into action. Bella sits frozen in shock beside the bed, her arm still outstretched as I move to help Anthony. He makes it clear that he doesn't want my help, instead pressing himself into the corner of the room, a little ball of a boy with his head buried between his knees.

Before I can do anything, the door opens and two nurses rush inside. It happens too quickly and I don't know where to look first. Social workers pour into the room to 'protect' Anthony from us, it seems, as if we would ever hurt him. Bella lunges forward to reach for her terrified baby boy, but she's quickly restrained by a hospital tech, his arms trapping her in place. I felt so many things at once but before I could react to any of it, there were arms around me as well, pulling me from the room. Jasper looked on in shock, his mouth partially open as he took in the scene.

Bella was screaming Anthony's name over and over, looking to me for help but all I could do was stare at my son, trembling with fear in the corner of the room. He was afraid of us.

What could that man have possibly done to make our son look at us like that?

 **A/N: We want to thank you all for the love on this story, we are so happy that you are enjoying the read. Please feel free to ask questions, it may take us a bit to get back to everyone but we will. Hit that pretty little review button and follow us for updates! See you guys next Friday!**

 **~ Firefly & Fireheart **


	6. Slipped Away

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 **Chapter Six**

 **Slipped Away**

 **EPOV**

Scrubbing a hand over my face, I stood up and tossed what had to be my sixth cup of coffee into the trash can by the door. Bella was half asleep in the chair at the side of Anthony's bed but I refused to give into my exhaustion. Not tonight. There were still cops stationed outside our door but it didn't ease my anxiety very much. Nothing seemed to. I'd lived the last two years afraid to hope for this moment, but now that it was finally here, I realized that this battle was far from over.

I still hadn't spoken to Bella directly, not since I noticed her rings were missing, and she hadn't made an attempt to talk to me either. Jasper had left a few hours ago, understanding that we needed to be alone with Anthony while he slept through the night. He promised to keep Alice and the family away until we were ready, but I wasn't sure how long that would take. I wasn't sure if we would ever be ready.

The monitors had been turned all the way down, an attempt to prevent Anthony from waking from his restless slumber, but the overnight nurses came in often enough that it seemed pointless. They'd introduced themselves to us before checking his vitals and IV bag for the first time earlier this evening, and even though Anthony seemed bothered by their presence and flinched every time someone touched him or moved too close, it was clear that he was much more terrified of his mother and I. I had been on edge ever since his episode earlier and I wasn't sure if it was contributing to the fear he exuded every time he looked at us.

I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face, the terror in his eyes when Bella first reached out to him. His little hands balled into fists and covered his head as he curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, obviously traumatized from wherever it was that he'd been all this time. Whatever it was that had been done to him while he was there. It left me uneasy and nauseous, to say the least. that we still had no idea just where or what that was. I had spoken with the police briefly and all they would tell me was that the lead detective would be here first thing in the morning to speak with us. I'd walked back into Anthony's room to see the nurses try and fail to convince Bella to eat something. I realized that she, like me, had survived only on coffee the entire time we'd been here.

I wasn't exactly hungry myself, but she looked like she could use a hot meal. I stepped back out from the room and nodded to the officer at the door, letting him know I was headed down to the cafeteria and asked him if he wanted a cup of coffee for his troubles. He politely declined and I just nodded, not interested in any conversation.

The hospital was a creepy, quiet place at night, but at least the cafeteria was still open. They didn't have as many options, but I could still grab a sandwich for myself and some soup and salad for Bella. I noticed the gift shop on my way there and stared at the teddy bear in the window. It wasn't much, just a plain light brown bear with fluffy paws. I wasn't sure Anthony would want to take it from us, but I was sure going to try. Maybe if he could hug something he wouldn't be so afraid.

I bought the bear, grabbed some food and headed back up to Anthony's room where Bella was now sitting up in her chair, her hand no more than an inch away from Anthony's. He wouldn't let her touch him, but the deep yearning to do so was written all over her body.

"Bella, I brought you something to eat." My voice was low, careful not to wake Anthony but also awkward as it was the first time we were speaking since I had left the room earlier and brought Jasper back with me, effectively bursting our private family bubble.

"I'm not hungry." Her eyes glanced at the food in my hands and up to meet my eyes but quickly looked away but I set the food down on the little table next to her anyway. There was a small frown on her lips but I didn't question it, it was likely exhaustion.

"Well, maybe later then, but you should eat before morning. You're not going to want to leave him while he's awake." I left the food where it was and tossed my own brown bagged sandwich onto my chair, saving it for later as I watched another nurse enter the room. I watched every single thing that they did when they came in here so I knew that they were not only checking his vitals and his fluids but also checking his bed sheets to see if he had any accidents. The doctors had mentioned rashes on his body from being unclean and mistreated. The rage inside me was only matched when they told us about the bruising they had found on other parts of his body. His arms, his legs, even down his back had some old bruising that didn't have a chance to heal, a set of fresh bruises layered on top of them. My son was beaten and covered in discoloration and I swore to myself that I would find him. I would find the man responsible for this and I would fucking kill him.

The officer at the door peeked his head in to let me know he would be right back, that he was just going to the bathroom right across the hall. With a nod, I moved through the doorway and leaned up against it, taking it upon myself to block anyone else from coming into my sons room.

I felt her before I heard her voice. Bella stood from her chair and moved to slip passed me, turning to face me with what looked like sorrow in her eyes. Something that seemed like a permanent feature these days, but I was glad to see that the anguish that was present over a year ago had diminished. She knew Anthony was safe now, regardless of what had happened.

"Edward..." her voice cracked and she shook her head before she closed the distance between us, her hand moving up to press against her chest, holding onto a necklace that was hidden underneath her shirt. When her eyes met mine, I couldn't look away from her. I felt the weight of that look in her eyes and it weakened my knees just enough to make me shift on my feet.

"What's wrong, Bella?" My own voice was thick with emotion and as much as I wanted to reach out and pull her to me, I didn't. Even after all this time I found it incredibly difficult to resist the urge to hold her, comfort her.

Bella inched closer, pulled me down and whispered her words, her sad eyes burning into mine as she breathed softly against my cheek. "I never took them off."

I blinked my confusion at her statement and shook my head, swallowing audibly before choking out my words. "You're not wearing them, Bella. It's fine. I get it." My throat tightened at the words that came out of my mouth but I didn't have time to form another sentence.

She cut me off with a shake of her head and pulled back, pulling the necklace from inside her shirt, and all I could do was stare. Her engagement ring and her wedding band dangled off of a simple gold chain and she brought them both to her lips to press a kiss there before tucking them back into her shirt. Her voice, as soft as it was, broke me all over again.

"They're with me always. They just don't.. fit anymore. They're too big now." The sadness with which she spoke had some kind of protective instinct kicking in and I lifted a single hand to her waist, pulling her just a little bit closer. My fingers clutched the material of her shirt, grazing the waistband of her pants as I stared down at this beautiful soul that I wasn't sure I had a right to still call mine. The moment my thumb brushed underneath her lifted shirt, I stroked across her bare back reassuringly and I could feel the slight difference. Her waist was smaller, no prominent curves in the now unfamiliar touch. Bella leaned a little closer to me, either for support or just to return the embrace and I breathed her in just long enough to ground myself. _Fuck._

Realization smacked me in the face and I wondered if maybe Bella suffered more than even I imagined. She was so much thinner than she was, she looked weak and frail, and the hip beneath my palm was sharp and angular. Her hair wasn't vibrant anymore and her cheeks were hollow. She had permanent dark circles under her eyes and when I lifted her delicate hand, I brushed my fingers over the bare spot where her rings used to be. _How could I have let her push me away?_

I had no idea where we stood with each other but that didn't matter right now. What mattered was that we were both here for our son and we were going to be a family again. Somehow, someway. There would be details to work out, but there was no way I was ever letting my son out of my sight again. Whether or not our marriage still meant anything would come later. For now, we were a team. A united front. Parents of a little boy who so desperately needed them _._ We were getting a second chance at a family _. I wasn't going to fuck it up this time_.

Just as I reached to pull Bella into a hug, the monitors in Anthony's room started to go a little nuts. We both turned to face him and he was thrashing in his sleep again, kicking and crying this time. The doctor had warned us that it was unlikely that he'd be able to sleep peacefully, but it had been a few hours and I'd begun to hope that maybe we'd be able to get through the night unscathed. Bella moved, her feet guiding her closer to Anthony even as her hand hesitated to reach out for him. The confliction was written clear across her face, and the sight all but broke me. This shouldn't be us, this never should've been us. The amount of guilt that barrels into me nearly brings me to my knees, but the nurse pushing the door open breaks me out of my self loathing. This wasn't about me, and I'd been selfishly absorbed in my own feelings for long enough.

"A shot of anti-anxiety medication," she says as she pushes liquid through Anthony's IV. "This should calm him down. There's a detective at the front desk that would like speak with you. I believe they're early." The thought of wasting precious time irritated me to no end, but I did want answers and the only way to start getting them was to face this head on. There were so many questions, things we didn't want to imagine but we had to know regardless.

A glance at the clock confirms that they are, in fact, early. 6:05 AM. Sighing, I look to Bella and find her staring at me. Even as she does, her eyes flick towards Anthony every few seconds. She doesn't want to leave him, but she wants to know more about what happened. For the first time in a long time, I do what I vowed to do years ago. I make my wife's life a little easier and make the decision for her, my arm draping over her shoulder and my lips coming into contact with the side of her head.

"Lets get it over with while he's sleeping, Bella. He'll need us more later than he does now." She doesn't protest as I lead her from the room, but once the door shuts behind us, Bella stops in her tracks, and I look towards her in confusion as I pause beside her. The look she gives the cop standing guard is one that I've never seen on her face before, but I understand completely and give her shoulder a little squeeze to keep her grounded.

"Not a single soul goes through that door without our consent." Her voice was low and raspy, as if it'd been awhile since she'd spoken, but there was no mistaking the seriousness of her tone. The officer nods, his face marred with pity instead of the indignation that I'd expected, and Bella is satisfied enough to leave.

It doesn't take us long to spot the detective, I'd seen enough of them in my line of work to be able to pick one out of a crowd, and the hospital was nearly vacant still. He looks up from his phone and glances towards Bella and I as we move towards him, a stack of papers and folders in his other hand.

"Mr. and Mrs. Masen?" My arm drops from Bella's shoulder and I reach a hand out to shake his. "I'm Detective Pace, lead detective on your son's case but please, call me Garrett. I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the upcoming weeks."

Grimacing at the thought, I pull my hand back and shove it in my pocket. "Edward, and this is my wife, Bella." Bella's head turns towards me, as if she's surprised that I would introduce her as such, and I fight the urge to meet her gaze. We didn't have time for that conversation right now. It wasn't the time or place.

"Right, well, I'd say it's nice to meet you, but under the circumstances…" Garrett lets his sentence drop off, and I'm grateful that he didn't bother finishing it. None of us needed any more confirmation on how fucked this situation was. "There's a room down the hall, if you'd follow me, we can talk."

"Actually, Detective Pace, I'd much rather we talk closer to my sons room. I don't…" Bella's words trail off, and I clear my throat to finish for her, knowing she just didn't have the words.

"There was a bench we passed in the hallway. We can talk there." Bella's hand reaches out and her fingers lace with mine, a small squeeze conveying her thanks, and an understanding look passes over Garrett's face.

"Of course. I'll follow you." All too soon we're seated, Bella tucked into my side as Garrett stands above us. Her eyes are fixated on Anthonys door, and the officer seated outside of it is openly eavesdropping on our conversation. I can't bring myself to care though, because Bella was clinging to me for the support she needed and that's more important right now. I knew she was listening to us, but her eyes never left the dimly lit doorway where our son slept. As I held her hand, I glanced at Anthony's door before I made eye contact with Garrett once more.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just tell you what we know so far. I'd like to ask that you keep the details private for now, though. It'll make it easier to investigate if the media doesn't intervene so soon." Bella and I nod, both agreeing with Garrett's assessment. We'd gone through the media shitstorm when Anthony was first taken.

"We found your son in an abandoned car outside of a bar. The owner was closing up for the night and caught sight of him in the backseat while he was taking out the trash. The kid wasn't making any noise, and the owner, he was pretty worried about him. When he knocked on the window, Anthony looked at him, but wouldn't answer any questions or get out, so he called 911." I felt Bella's hand tighten on mine, fear evident in her gaze as she finally glanced up at me. I just gave her a soft but sad smile, a simple nod and brushed my thumb over her hand, knowing we had to hear this.

Blowing out a breath, Garrett looks down at his notepad before continuing. "We can't tell for sure how long he was out there, but surveillance video from the bar shows the car pull into the lot around eight PM. The driver of the vehicle was arrested around ten for aggravated assault. It seems he got a little too intoxicated and tried to take on one of the bouncers. The owner found Anthony around three AM."

"So you have him? The asshole that did this?" My voice was louder than I meant for it to be, and my fists clenched at the thought of what I wanted to do to the man who tore my family apart.

Garrett clears his throat and shuts his notebook, tapping the spiral binding against his finger before answering. "No. The suspect was taken downtown and able to post bail before we could obtain the video footage. We didn't know, and they let him go."

Anger surges through me, and Bella's gasp is all I hear as I jump to my feet. "Are you fucking kidding me? _Let him go?!"_ I drop Bella's hand and shove my fingers through my hair, words flying from my mouth as I pace back and forth.

"Mr. Masen, Edward… I understand your frustration. I do, but we know who did this. We know who to look to for answers. We'll need your wife to confirm that the man who was arrested and seen on the video footage was, in fact, the man who kidnapped your son, but my instincts tell me that it is. We'll find him."

I open my mouth to answer, but before any words can come out, a scream shocks me to my core. My sons voice comes from his room, and my eyes flash towards Bella just in time to see her face drain of color.

" _ETHAN._ MY NAME IS ETHAN!"

A/N: We want to say thank you for all the love we have been getting here. Please keep it coming! We know the angst on this one has us all in tears but we promise it will be worth it in the end. We hope you all have a beautiful holiday and we will see you next Friday! Merry Christmas

~ Firefly & Fireheart


	7. Broken Wings

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 _ **Broken Wings**_

 **Chapter Seven**

 **EPOV**

Life wasn't supposed to be this hard. Not for a small town family of three, and certainly not for an innocent four year old boy. Bella and I decided early on that Seattle was where we would lay down roots. She lived her life behind a camera, and clients were much more plentiful in a city this large, and while I could practice law anywhere, Jasper and I wanted to open our own firm. Seattle was the obvious choice, but I wondered if maybe that's where everything went wrong.

We never paid much attention to crime rates. Even as a cops daughter, Bella wasn't particularly concerned with safety. Sure, we heard about terrible things happening to people, but we'd never met anyone who had gone through anything half as traumatic as news stories depicted. We kept to ourselves and our little circle of friends. We were good people, and bad things rarely happen to good people.

As a lawyer, I should've known better. Bad things happen to good people all the time, and there isn't anything you can do to stop it sometimes. Still, I never thought that this would be our lives. That we would end up like this.

Anthony was born a healthy seven pounds, nine ounces. He was unexpected, but he changed our lives for the better. Jasper and I had just gained traction in our practice, and even though money was never an issue for us, it felt good to know that even without my trust fund I could easily support my family. Our hallways were littered with pictures of Bella's work, of Anthony's feet and hands, of tiny smiles and soft kisses.

Of a life none of us lived anymore.

"Mr. Masen?" Wiping my cheek with the back of my hand, I turn my head towards the nurse that's spoken my name. I wasn't ashamed of the tears on my face, but the situation that my family found itself in was something I would never forgive myself for. If we'd never moved to Seattle, if I hadn't pushed so hard at work. _If I had been at that fucking Carnival._

"Your wife asked me to let you know that the psychologist has arrived." Nodding, I push myself off the floor and leave without so much as a thank you. I wasn't feeling very grateful. I detour through the restroom, but I know without even looking that the water I splashed on my face won't hide my breakdown from Bella. She'd always been able to read me better than anyone.

Bracing myself for what was to come, I hesitate next to the officer outside of Anthonys room. He gives me an encouraging look, and I return it with a blank look. I was still pissed off that the department had let that man slip through their fingers. I was half tempted to grab my wife and son and board the next plane leaving the city. We wouldn't survive something like this again. Pushing the door open, I immediately take in the tall, statuesque woman in the center of the room. She had a notebook in her hand and a smile on her face that made me dislike her immediately. This situation was nothing to smile about.

"Edward, I'm glad you could join us. I'm Dr. Hale, but you can call me Rosalie. I believe we'll be seeing a lot of each other." _Why does everybody keep fucking saying that?_

I ignore her casual use of my name and instead turn my gaze to Bella. She's focused on Anthony, who's sitting up in bed and bouncing his eyes between us like we're in the midst of a ping pong match. Clearing my throat, I move to stand behind Bella's chair. The least we could do was take a united front against the amazonian woman that was here to tear our sons mind apart.

"I'd like to talk to Anthony alone, if that's alright. Just to gain a baseline of how he acts when you're absent." I don't miss the way Anthony flinches when Rosalie speaks his name, nor do I miss the phantom flinch that Bella emits just seconds after.

Bella opens her mouth, but before she can speak, I cut her off.

"No. If you want to evaluate our son, you'll do it with one, if not both, of us present. In fact, I think it's best that one of us is present for all of your meetings, Dr. Hale."

The blonde purses her lips together, and Bella exhales a sigh. I don't know if she agrees with me, but I know that she'll support me whether she does or not. The slight relaxation of her shoulders tells me that she appreciates my response though.

"Edward, I understand that you're not very trusting of officials right now, and I don't blame you for it, but your presence could have a negative impact on Anthony's rehabilitation -"

Bella cuts her off this time, and I put my hand on her shoulder in a silent show of appreciation. "You're right, Rosalie. Neither of us are very trusting of either law officials or physicians at the moment. The police stopped looking for my son months ago, and any attempts that we made to revive the search were met with brick walls. On top of that, when he is found, we're treated like the culprits rather than the victims by both doctors and police alike. Anthony is our main concern, and there is no way that either of us are consenting to allow someone to question him without us present. You've already allowed his abductor to roam the streets again, and I'll die before I allow anyone to harm another hair on my sons head. If that's going to be a problem, you can leave and we'll take Anth- our son, home."

Bella swallows, her hands shaking either from nerves or unrestrained rage, but Rosalie's lips twitch up in the corner and a small smile plays on her face. "I think we're going to get along just fine, Bella."

I wasn't sure about that, but two hours later Bella and I sat silently as Rosalie tried, and once again failed, to get Anthony to communicate with her. It wasn't just his refusal to talk. He wouldn't point out answers in photos, wouldn't indicate to any injuries on a doll. He showed no signs of preference when it came to television, and when Rosalie placed a piece of cake and a sandwich in front of him, he ate the sandwich without so much as a glance towards the dessert. There was no prompting him to eat, and Bella was barely holding back tears throughout the entire exchange.

He would look at you when you spoke to him, and if asked to do something, he would do it without question so long as his opinion wasn't thrown into play. When Rosalie asked him to point out colors, he did so easily, but when she asked him what his favorite was, he didn't move.

"Alright, Anthony." _There's that fucking flinch again._ No matter how often he reacted towards the use of his name, Rosalie made a point to say it time and time again. "I think that's enough for today. I'm going to take your parents out into the hall for a few minutes, and then I'll come visit you again really soon, okay?"

Anthony just nodded, so Bella and I followed Rosalie out the door. Bella hesitated as she stood, and I knew without asking that she wanted to give Anthony a kiss. She didn't, and I closed my eyes and exhaled at the relief I felt because of it. _How fucked up is that?_

The door shut behind us, and Rosalie wasted no time before turning to face us. "Listen, I know you guys want answers about what's going on, but the truth is that I haven't spent enough time with Anthony to give you any answers. It's obvious that there's been traumatic experiences in his life, but I can't say for certain if his responses are delayed due to a lack of education or an unwillingness to participate." She holds out a plain white business card towards us, and I take it without thinking. "I'll be back tomorrow. My instincts say that Anthony is smarter than he's letting on, so I'd caution yourselves on what you say and how you act in the room with him. If what I believe is correct, he's been conditioned to think that the life he had with you two prior to his abduction was never real, and the reemergence of you into his life has put him in a very confusing situation. He may have been too young to remember you at all, but his reactions say otherwise. Call me if anything happens, and I'll do my best to be here as soon as I can. I believe the detective on this case will be here to speak with you both shortly in regards to identifying their subject. He'll have a form for you to sign - A release of information, so to speak. It's up to you two whether or not you sign it, but if you do I'll be able to share any and all information obtained throughout my sessions with Anthony." Rosalie glances at me before continuing, likely because she knows that the lawyer in me is jumping to conclusions. "I'd recommend that you do. It'll make it easier to prosecute this bastard once he's arrested."

Without another word, Rosalie turns to leave, and I watch her go before looking towards Bella. She's staring down the hall, her fingers hovering just in front of her lips.

"Bella?" She doesn't answer, doesn't even blink. I glance at the cop still stationed outside of our door, but he's flipping through a magazine and not paying us any attention. "Baby?"

She mumbles something, but despite how close we're standing, I can't make out what she said. "What?"

"I SHOULD BE CUTTING OFF HIS CRUST." Her scream is loud enough to turn heads, and I step back in surprise before reaching out to grab her arms. "I should be cutting the crust off of his sandwiches and reading him bedtime stories. He should be home, in bed, Edward. What happened to us?"

Bella sags in my arms, a sob spilling from her lips, and I pull her against my chest, but I have no words of comfort to offer her. There isn't anything that we can do to make this situation any better, but maybe she's right. Maybe we should be home, away from the doctors who have no answers and the police who offer no help.

"Shhh, Bella. It'll be alright. He's back, and that's… We'll take him home, Bella, if that's what you want. He's physically able to leave the hospital. We can take him home."

An hour later we're told that the doctors won't discharge Anthony without the consent of the police, but they don't think it'll be a problem. The officer stationed outside of our door makes a call, and forty five minutes later my phone rings. I almost ignore it, thinking that Alice was checking in for the fifth time today, but the unfamiliar number has me answering. It's a short conversation, but by the end of it I can tell Bella that we're cleared to take our son home tomorrow morning. We have to agree to a police officer shadowing us for awhile, but I feel safer knowing that another set of eyes will be on our family, so we do so without hesitation.

By nightfall, my pacing was starting to irk Bella, but we'd gotten a lot done. Jasper had let the family know that we were bringing Anthony home tomorrow, and I knew that Alice was at our house changing the bedding in his room and stocking the fridge with food. I had a feeling that it was fairly empty.

"Will you just sit down?" Her voice was laced with annoyance, not only from me, but from the amount of time we spent waiting in the hallway outside of our sons room while he slept. After Rosalie's advice, Bella didn't want any conversations regarding the kidnapping to take place inside Anthony's room, even while he was asleep. I agreed with her, but being away from our son put us both on edge.

"I can't sit down, what's taking them so long anyway? Not one officer has been down here to tell us anything. How are you so calm anyway?" I cringed at my own words, knowing damn well that Bella was anything but calm. Luckily for me, she just rolled her eyes and motioned her head towards the seat next to her, which I gladly took once I realized she wasn't righteously pissed at me for being a whiny fucker.

"I'm sorry, I hate waiting." When I looked over at her, she was smiling, a sad little crooked smile, but smiling nonetheless. I couldn't help but smile myself in response.

"What?" I asked with mild amusement, grateful for the distraction.

"You're just as impatient as I remember." There was a twitch of her lips and I couldn't help but press my hand to her knee, something I had done countless times in the past. We seemed to notice at the same time and allowed ourselves a few moments to revel in what once was. My hand slid down to where hers were folded together and she took mine without hesitation before she glanced up at the clock again. The detectives were now forty-five minutes late and my inner annoyance reappeared instantly. I felt guilty over my own thoughts but no matter how hard I tried to let go of the blame I hold to Bella, something kept nagging at my subconscious. I knew we fought in the past and I threw words at her that I didn't completely mean, but some part of me always wondered if everything she had said was wholly true. I believe she did everything she could to find Anthony that night, but I always questioned how he was taken in the first place. Bella was frantic when she told me what happened, but no matter how many times she retold the story over the year we spent together searching for our son, something never quite added up for me. I always wondered if she was withholding something because of her guilt or if she was afraid of the fear. Fear of him, fear of me, of facing it afterwards, I don't really know, but I wanted more insight into that night and when they find this asshole, I would stop at nothing to get the answers my family deserved.

I was caught up in my thoughts when a Detective walked through the door and motioned for us as he held the door open for Garrett, whom we recognized immediately. They both carried folders, binders and files that I'm sure were compiled just for our case. As we stood, I felt Bella loosen her grip on my hand as she took a deep breath and looked up at me with those sad eyes of hers. I leaned in close and pressed a kiss to the side of her head, my nose buried in her hair, lips close to her ear as I whispered, "Do you want me to come in there with you?"

My voice was low enough so that only she heard me, and her little nod was enough convincing for me. Bella tightened her grip on my hand and I gave hers a squeeze as the detectives approached us, motioning for Bella and I to walk through the door to a meeting room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Masen, we understand how difficult this must be for you but we are doing everything we can to pick this guy up again. I can assure you, we will find him." I barely nodded as I took a seat next to Bella and pulled her hand into mine while I addressed both detectives.

"We keep hearing that, but he's still out there doing God knows what to God knows who." Bella squeezed my hand and shot me a look, one of understanding but also a reminder to remain calm, strong and professional. With a slight grind of my teeth, I motioned for them to continue, offering no apology for my rudeness. Maybe they would get straight to the damn point and stop wasting my time with empty promises.

"Ma'am, if you're feeling up to it, we would like to show you a mugshot and I want you to take a good look at it, try to remember anything you can about the man you encountered at the carnival that might help you identify him." I swallowed down my impatience and eyed Bella, silently asking if she was okay. With a gentle squeeze of my hand, I motioned for Garrett to open the folder and show Bella the photo. I had been in plenty of these situations with clients before, so I knew it was always an emotional strain to come face to face with an attacker, but I still wasn't prepared for the rage I felt when I saw the fear in Bella's eyes the moment that photo landed on the table in front of her.

I knew I wouldn't look at the mugshot, not yet. I had to keep my eyes on Bella. I needed to see her reaction to this guy. I needed it for myself, to maybe clear some kind of doubt or shame that I had for blaming her, even if it was just a little. The moment I saw it in her eyes, I knew. I fucking knew that son of a bitch had done every single thing that Bella had claimed. I inched closer to Bella and slid my arm around her waist, trying to give her some sense of protection while she stared at his goddamn face. When she spoke, I allowed myself to finally drop my eyes and see the face of the shadow that haunted every dream I had for the last two years.

"Its him," she breathed, her voice a broken whisper but confident as her tear filled eyes met mine. "Edward, that's the man, its him, I'm certain." I believed her, and so did the detectives who merely nodded and reached to grab the photo but I stopped them with a look before I lifted the mugshot and studied the face of the asshole I vowed to destroy in every way that I could.

"Are you one hundred percent sure, Mrs. Masen?" Garrett's voice sounded hopeful, but unsurprised as he pulled out some more photos of this asshole and displayed them across the table for us to see. Images taken from surveillance footage at the bar where they found Anthony. I recognized the place as one that I'd frequented a little over a year ago, and my stomach churned at the thought that I could've shared a drink with the guy while he held my son captive. From the corner of my eye, I knew that Bella had wiped her fallen tears, and that the detectives had pulled up the surveillance video. Absentmindedly, I stroked the back of Bella's hand, reassuring her that I was right here with her while I studied the images. I burned this pricks face into my mind and I knew I would never forget it. Hell, I'd probably have nightmares about him for years.

Once Bella confirmed that the man who took our son matched the photo in the mugshot, a phone call was made and orders were given. James was now considered armed and dangerous to the welfare of the public and to children in the Seattle area. I knew it was only a matter of time before the press showed up now and I needed to make some choices. Due to my position, I couldn't represent our family legally, so I had to bring Jasper in. Hell, we'd get the entire firm on it. Once they found this guy, I wanted everything to go as perfectly smooth as possible. We had to be flawless with evidence and facts. I would do anything in my power to make sure this prick doesnt get away with anything. I press a kiss to Bella's knuckle and ask Garrett for the consent form that Rosalie had mentioned. If it would help, Bella and I were both on board.

After we watched the video footage at least half a dozen times, Bella was drained. They shoved paper after paper in front of her, asking for updated statements and opening wounds that had been long since closed. Reliving the nightmare that happened two years ago was an emotional rollercoaster for both of us, but even more so for her and I didn't want her to have to sit through this anymore. Just as I motioned for Bella to stand with me, Garrett shoots me an apologetic look as his friend pulls out the evidence photos from the night Anthony was taken. I was frozen in shock at the images covering the table between us. This was the first time I had looked at them since that night. I had always focused so much on my missing son that I never really had a chance to take in what exactly had been done to Bella. To my wife.

I leaned forward and clenched my teeth to prevent anymore unprofessional words from slipping off of my tongue. I felt Bella lay her hand on my forearm as I picked up one of the photos and stared with a set jaw, my own tears ready to fall.

"Edward, its okay now." Bella's voice sounded so far away in that moment, but I knew she was so close that she was almost in my lap. I couldn't speak so I didn't try, I just shook my head and tilted my head slightly, matching the photo to what I saw in person that night. The image of what she looked like at the police station and at the hospital when she was treated afterwards was burned into my brain and something I often saw at the end of a bottle, but I hadn't stopped to realize that she had been cleaned up by the time I saw her. I was so terrified for my son and pissed off at myself that I didn't notice the extent of Bella's assault. Again, I felt Bella lean close and whisper in my ear but the pain I was feeling quickly turned to rage and I couldn't even look at her as I stared at the blood marring her face in the photo.

They labeled it a crime scene even though Bella was found alive, but the photos were organized numerically by scene evidence. They were arranged on a timeline of how they found her and then there were more of her at the hospital. In those, most of the blood was cleaned up, the way I remember finding her. I took in the cut above her brow, deep and adorned with stitches. Blood ran over her brow and down her face but I could still see that her eyes were swollen and red from crying. Her hair was soaked, blood crusting the ends and her cheekbone was so badly bruised and swollen that it was three times the size it should've been. There was blood dripping from her nose and her shirt had been ripped and mangled. The images of her laying in a hospital bed would've brought me to my knees if I were standing in front of this table. Bella was wrapped up in bandages, blood seeping through them and hidden under a mound of blankets to keep her warm enough to avoid going into shock. Guilt flooded every part of my very soul for ever having any doubt that Bella might have lied or exaggerated what happened just so I wouldn't blame her for losing our son. I knew better and I knew I was a coward for throwing the blame at her instead of bearing that burden by myself. It was never Bella's fault that Anthony was taken from us and I knew I had a lot to make up for but for now, I would be grateful that my son and my wife were even alive after what had happened to them.

Shoving the photos away from my place at the table, I stand with a loud fist against the surface. "You better fucking find this guy and put him away because, God help me, I will kill him if I find him first." At my words, temper and facial expression, Bella stood and grabbed my arm, following me quickly from the room as both detectives rushed to gather up the photos as we opened the door and left without another word.

We're halfway down the hallway before Bella's shaky breath pulls me from the thoughts bouncing around in my head. I glance in her direction, a frown pulling at my lips.

"I… I need to see him. To know that he's alright. After seeing Ja-" Shaking her head, she pushes her lips together to stop herself from saying his name, but I know what she means. I turn us towards Anthony's room and she steps inside without pausing, but I don't cross the threshold with her. Instead, I lean my head against the doorframe and watch my wife approach our son in silence, watch her reach out and smooth his hair back while he sleeps. He doesn't move away, doesn't flinch back, and I think that maybe, somehow, we'll survive this.

Bella needs this moment, but I don't deserve it, so I step back and let the door silently close in front of me. Across the hallway, my back hits the wall and I slide down the rough texture until my ass hits the floor. I bury my head in my hands, but the urge to find a bottle of whiskey and drink the day away has me pulling my cell phone from my pocket.

Five rings and a voicemail greeting is what I get, and I shake my head at the fuckery that's clouded my day. Of course she wouldn't answer when I need her the most.

"Hey. It's me. Listen, I won't be back at the condo for awhile. Anthony, well… They found him, and Bella needs me. I know what you're going to say, but I can't… Not right now. I'm fine. Just… Don't worry about me, alright?"

My head hits the wall and I stare up at the fluorescent lights as I hang up the phone, but a door opening has me turning my head. Bella's head pokes out from Anthony's room, a small smile on her face.

"Hey. You coming in?" Her voice was soft, careful not to wake Anthony. I audibly exhale but return her smile with a forced one of my own.

"Yeah, baby. Just give me a minute." _It was the least I could do._

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **UH OH. Who was on the other end of that phone call?**_

 _ **See you guys next Friday!**_

 _ **-Fireheart & Firefly-**_


	8. Don't You Remember?

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 _ **Don't you remember?**_

 **Chapter 8**

 **BPOV**

My emotions were all over the place. I had bottled up some of my excitement, naturally afraid of building my hopes up too high just to have them shot down, which was typically the way things went for me. Throughout the process of paperwork, discharge orders and practically signing our lives away, we were afraid that one misplaced notch would upset the entire thing and we wouldn't be allowed to take our baby home today, but here we are, and now I was overwhelmed with the anxiousness coursing through my veins. What would happen when we got home, when it was just the three of us? I didn't see Edward leaving anytime soon, and I was nowhere near ready to cross that bridge, but how would Anthony react to being home? To being alone with us? Would he recognize the house, his room? His favorite teddy bear?

I wanted to ride in the backseat with Anthony, but thanks to all the balloons, presents, flowers and bundles of clothes, there wasn't much room left back there. Instead, I sat with my back to the door, my gaze and thoughts bouncing back and forth between my husband and my son. Even though Anthony had yet to offer me a smile, I kept flashing them his way, hopefully reassuring him that everything was going to be better now. That we could be a family again.

As I watched Anthony's eyes taking in all the sights on the way home, I couldn't help but notice the non stop vibration in the cup holder beside me. My eyes flashed to meet Edwards gaze, my brow raising in question as his finger sailed to ignore the call once again.

"It's nothing. We'll talk about it later." His voice was smooth despite his nervousness, but I couldn't help the sinking feeling in my stomach that he was keeping something from me. I wasn't even sure if I had a right to ask after all this time, but over the last few days, we had settled into the comfortable familiarity that we once knew. No sooner than the thoughts entered my mind, his phone started vibrating again. I peeked down at the screen, trying to read the contact information but Edward was too quick and dismissed it. I felt my brows pull together as nauseating thoughts pecked at the forefront of my mind. _Was it a woman?_

"Edward, who is—?" My own voice was barely audible but with a reassuring squeeze of my hand, Edward met my gaze a second time and brought my hands to his lips.

"It's nothing." I forced a smile onto my lips and nodded once before I glanced back at Anthony then laughed softly to myself as I found him looking towards his teddy bear. I loved that Edward had given him the bear, it made me happy to see it even if Anthony wasn't ready to accept it at the time. He was almost afraid to take it, but after Edward made the bear laugh and growl with shadows on the wall, Anthony seemed to seek comfort in the stuffed animal. It made my heart swell with hope.

Reaching over the seat, I grabbed the bear from his place in another pile of gifts from, we don't even know who, and I danced him across Anthony's legs until he hesitantly took the bear and held him against his little body with one arm. There were still no smiles, still no words. He hadn't said a single word to us and I silently wondered how long it would be until I got to hear his sweet voice again.

When Edward pulled into the driveway, he paused for a moment and I was glad for it. After the excitement of getting to take Anthony home, I haven't even thought of how awkward it might be for Edward to step into a house he hasn't been in for a year. When he looked back at Anthony through the rear view mirror, I felt something inside and I just knew that no matter how long it took to fix our broken little family, it didn't matter, because I would stop at nothing to make it happen.

"Home sweet home." Edward spoke with a smile on his lips but I knew that his thoughts didn't stray too far from my own. I was the first one to step out of the car, my eyes never leaving Edward as he opened the back door and moved slowly, carefully unbuckling Anthony and lifting him into his arms. The sight filled my whole body with hope and a happiness that I hadn't known in such a long time. If I had my camera, I would capture the moment so I could keep it, but I had to make due with memory alone, so my eyes lingered a little longer on the scene before me.

"Okay, little man. Here we are. Do you remember this house? This is where we live." Edward flicked his gaze towards me as he finished his thought. "All of us." I didn't bother to try to stop the tears building up in my eyes, there was no point. They were, for once, filled with happiness instead of sorrow.

Anthony didn't make any attempt to speak, he only looked from Edward to the house and back again. He didn't flinch away when Edward lifted him out of the car, but we could both tell he was still afraid to be so close, so Edward set him down on his own two feet. Anthony looked up at the house and back at the both of us again, but when I offered my hand, he didn't take it. I felt a wave of sadness hit me, but I knew only time would start to heal his wounds and I would never try to push him into something he wasn't comfortable with.

I moved to pull the keys from my pocket, but Edward pulled out his own, flashing the house key towards me with an awkward grin. "I never took it off." I was glad for that and even though I smiled, I felt even more guilt that I had made him leave in the first place. Another mistake I would have to make up for.

As Edward pushed the door open, I knew immediately that something was very wrong. Anthony slid behind Edwards leg and I moved into the doorway to get a better look.

"SURPRISE!" Our entire living room was filled with family and friends, most of whom I recognized, some I didn't. I hadn't seen any of them in at least a year. When my eyes met Edwards, he could sense the anger I was about to unleash and he threw his hands up innocently. I could tell he was just as shocked as I was. Before I could say anything, Anthony pulled back from Edwards leg and tripped over the threshold behind him. The fall didn't seem to jar him at all, but his eyes were wide with fright and his breath came in ragged breaths. Edward turned to kneel down, but the movement had Anthony scrambling backwards, his palms scraping against the concrete as he flung himself back. A whimper slipped out of my throat, and the room fell deathly silent behind me as everyone took in the scene in front of them. Anthony moved to curl into a ball, his knees pressed to his chest and his little face buried in his teddy bear.

"Anthony? Baby, it's okay, nobody here is going to hurt you." I spoke as I dropped to my knees beside Edward and did my best to reassure him that it was okay to feel safe here. He didn't move, didn't react. I looked to Edward hopelessly, not knowing what to do, but he looked just as bewildered as I was.

Crawling towards Anthony with a careful approach, his voice came out gentle. "Hey, Little Man. Is this going to be our new hideout?" His eyes met mine and he flashed me a smile, his hand motioning for me to be patient just for a few moments. Bringing a hand to my mouth, I hide my tears and turn away, trying my hardest to stay quiet. What I really wanted to do was to storm my way back into the house and throw everyone out, but as soon as the thought entered my mind, I heard Edward speak again.

"This is our home and you're safe here. I won't let anyone hurt you. Not ever again, I promise. If you'd rather stay out here, we can do that, but I think you'll have a lot more fun checking out your bedroom. All your toys are in it. Want to go see it?" Neither of us expected a reply, but we hoped for some kind of positive reaction. It took a minute of silence, but Anthony finally looked up at his father's face. He just blinked and dropped his gaze again, but it was more than we had before.

Edward met my eyes but all I could do was shrug my shoulders, wishing I knew what to say, wishing I had the answers, but I didn't. Anthony made no attempts to move so Edward tried again. "You know, Mommy makes some of the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever had. We should go see if she'll make some for us, and you can bring Teddy, too." He grabbed the foot of the bear and shook it playfully, offering our son a grin but once again, there was no flicker of emotion.

Suddenly, Anthony lifted his chin and found my gaze. My heart melted at the sight of his pouty lips and tear streaked cheeks. With a sad smile, I held my hand out for him and motioned for all of us to go inside together. Anthony hugged his bear to his chest and stood up quickly, looking back and forth between me and Edward was with trepidation in his eyes. We didn't move, our positions staying still for so long that my arm began to shake, but Anthony sucked in a deep breath and nodded. Edward went slowly, his arms circling around Anthony's body and pulling him into his chest. He held him for a moment before standing, and the jealousy that shot through me was staggering. Anthony glanced over his father's shoulder, but the sight of all the people hovering in the doorway had his little face burying itself between Edwards shoulder and his stuffed animal. I stepped forward, unable to hold back anymore, my fingers softly moving through his hair in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. Edwards eyes met mine for a moment, and an entire conversation played between us without either of us opening our mouths. I nodded and stepped back, my hand falling to my side as Edward walked past our family members and disappeared upstairs, our son tucked safety in his arms.

The house cleared out in record time. I didn't even have to say a word, and I didn't bother addressing Alice's apologetic glance. She'd stopped beside me before she left, her hand hovering beside my arm as if she wanted to offer me comfort, but I couldn't look at her. The anger I felt had reached a level that wouldn't be stopped once I started, and I knew I'd say things I'd likely regret. So I kept my mouth shut and locked the door behind them.

There were banners strung up across the room and a blue cake on the coffee table, and I shut my eyes against the sight. In what world would anybody think that this was a great idea? Exhaling slowly, I'm brought out of my reverie by that incessant buzzing again. My eyes snapped open and I glanced around, finding the source of the sound on the hardwood floor beside the door. It must've fallen out of Edwards pocket when he was comforting Anthony. Before I could think twice, I snatched the phone up and looked at the screen. _Kate._ Who the hell was Kate?

The vibration stopped and Edwards screen switched to his notifications. _13 Missed Calls._ His background was completely black, so there was no indication on who Kate was. As tempted as I was to snoop further, I not only didn't have the right, but I wasn't sure I could deal with the ramifications. Instead, I set Edwards phone down beside the cake and started ripping the banners off the walls.

While I moved around the living room and kitchen, I filled garbage bags with 'Welcome Home' decorations and paper plates. There was a mountain of gifts for our son, surely things Anthony would need, but I didn't have the right sense of mind to look at them yet. I piled them all up in baskets and left them in our bedroom so Edward and I could sort through them later.

By the time I had the furniture arranged back in it's normal position and the streamers pulled from the ceiling, over an hour had passed and I felt the exhaustion weighing heavy on my body. Looking around the cleaned up living room, I glanced towards the top of the stairs and for the second time today, felt a wave of jealousy rock through me.

Anthony wouldn't reach for me, but he went to Edward. He had let him hold him and hug him, something I still hadn't been able to do. I knew Anthony was probably too young to remember what happened the night he was taken, but I couldn't help but think that part of him did. On some level, my touch was traumatic for him, and I silently wondered if he would ever trust me. The thought brought a fresh stream of tears down my face, and as much as I wanted to go upstairs and help Edward reacquaint our son with his room, I ran for the bathroom instead.

Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, I covered my mouth and cried silently, letting every emotion battle it's way out. All I wanted to do was hold my baby and let him fall asleep safe in my arms, but I still couldn't do that. It wasn't fair that Edward could, but I didn't blame him for it. I had to remind myself that it would take time, that this wasn't about me and what I needed.

Forcing myself to calm down, I stood and took in my reflection in the mirror. "Jesus, Bella." My words were barely a whisper and I shook my head at myself before turning the silver handle and letting the cold water run for a minute before splashing it on my face a few times, trying to hide the redness from crying. When I straightened my back and dried my face, I couldn't help but stare back at myself. I had so many unanswered questions, things I would need to talk to Edward about, things that we needed to figure out together.

Grimacing, I pull open the medicine cabinet and blink at the rows of prescription bottles lining the shelf. After the first few months of Anthony's disappearance, I'd tried therapy in an attempt to cope with what was happening, with the guilt that I harbored. There wasn't a single pill in these bottles that helped take the ache away, no matter how many I swallowed. It had been a year since I'd even looked at them, but after everything that had happened, all the emotions that were coursing through me, I wondered, just for a second, if maybe there was a pill that the doctors thought could help me this time around.

My vision grew hazy under a fresh set of tears, but I blinked them away as the memory of the last time I'd looked at these bottles came to the forefront of my mind. It was the day that I'd forced Edward to leave, that I'd lost the last thing tethering me to this world apart from the hope of finding my son, and I stared at these pills and considered taking them all, one by one, until the pain finally went away.

I'd snapped out of it, of course, and hadn't considered the thought again, but I made sure to stay far away from any and all of my prescribed pharmaceuticals until now. Knocking the bottles into the sink, I pop open the lids one by one and dump the pills into the toilet.

I didn't need them anymore.

 **EPOV**

I didn't know how long we'd been upstairs, but the house was silent below me and Bella hadn't come upstairs to check on us. I was sure that she was dealing with the situation that Alice had caused, but I was grateful for the chance to have some time with my son by myself. As much as I loved my wife, I needed a chance to catch my breath and realize how much things were changing. How real this entire ordeal was. Anthony sat on the floor eyeing his toys while I converted his crib into a toddler bed, removing the bars from the front and silently thanking Bella's foresight to pick out a convertible bed when he was a baby. I didn't know much, but I knew that putting our son into a cage wouldn't go over very well. Alice had changed the sheets, but I couldn't bring myself to trap my son anywhere after what he'd been through. The entire time I was disassembling the thing, he didn't move to touch a single toy. His hands stayed clutched in the fur of his teddy bear, and no matter how many times I told him that he could have anything he wanted, he didn't move. He kept eying a train across the room, so midway through the bed problem, I stopped and pulled it off of the shelf. I sat the little blue toy in front of him, but still, he didn't reach out and touch it. It was like he thought he was being tested, and my heart cracked just a little more at the thought.

By the time the crib was switched into a toddler bed, Anthony was slumped forward and barely keeping his eyes open. I didn't blame the kid, it'd been a stressful day on everyone. He didn't protest when I picked him up and laid him on the bed, pulling the blanket up to his chest and slipping the teddy bear from the hospital next to him. "If you need anything, we'll be right outside." _Blink._

With a sigh, I hesitate just a second before continuing. "I love you, Anthony. We both do." His eyes blink rapidly, as if he's confused, and I'm not sure if it's because of the 'I love you' or if it's because I called him Anthony, but either way, I bite my tongue from saying more and leave the room.

When I get downstairs, I have to lean against the railing and close my eyes for a minute. This felt like some kind of fucked up dream and I didn't want to wake up from it. This house looked exactly like it had when I'd left, only my son was sleeping upstairs, and I was terrified that I was passed out in a bar somewhere having hallucinations about what I wanted. That none of this was real. _It wouldn't be the first time._

Scrubbing a hand down my face, I look around the living room and am unsurprised to see every trace of Alice's stupid fucking plan gone. I'd deal with that later, but I just didn't have the energy to be angry when everyone I loved was under the same roof again. If this was a delusion, I wasn't going to waste my time here focused on anybody but my wife and son.

Bella is nowhere to be found, but then, I hadn't dared to venture towards what was once our bedroom. Before I have a chance to even contemplate that decision, my phone vibrates on the coffee table. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I stride forward and snatch the damn thing off the table.

"What?" My voice is rough and tinged with irritation. I didn't have time to deal with this right now.

"Edward? Jesus Christ, it's about time you answer! Do you know how worried —"

"Kate. I left you a voicemail, you knew what was happening."

"You left me some crazy ass shit about your son being back and… listen, Edward, it's alright if you need help. That's what I'm here for."

Barking out a laugh, I shake my head despite the fact that Kate can't see me. "Katie, I love you, but if I'm going crazy then there's no way in hell I'm leaving this hallucination anytime soon. Call Alice. She'll fill you in, I'm sure, and if she says I'm fucking crazy, let me be. At least I'm happy."

My pacing comes to an abrupt halt as I catch sight of Bella, pale and leaning against the wall for support as she stares at me. " _Fuck._ Kate, I have to go. You know where to find me, but don't you dare show up here. Stop calling me. I'm fine."

I drop my phone onto the couch and take a step towards my wife. "Bella?"

"If… if there's someone else, you can tell me. I heard you say you love her. I… I'll understand, Edward. I wouldn't blame you or hold it against you if you've moved on. I don't expect everything to just come back together like nothing happened. I know it's crazy and it's not going to be easy but I—" Her words were cut off by a crack in her voice, a broken cry that she tried so hard to keep inside but failed. She covered her mouth and closed her eyes, a shake of her head and her watery eyes found mine again.

"Bella, no. There isn't anyone else, it's not like that." I watched as she continued to shake her head, her tear stained cheeks turning pink, and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms, but I couldn't. Not yet. I owed her an explanation. Hell, I owed her much more than that, but it was a good start.

"Edward, just please tell me the truth. I know things aren't perfect but I thought that you and I were…" She stopped herself again, afraid to meet my eyes and though I wasn't sure of what she was going to say, I think I had a pretty good idea because I felt it too. A connection like the one we've always had is too strong to deny. While it would take time to rebuild what we were, what we _are_ , it was definitely still there.

"Bella. I swear. I haven't been with anyone else. I wouldn't. You're my wife, and even if you weren't, you've always been the only one I..." I paused, making sure that I had her attention before I went into the truth of what my life has become since I moved out. Holding my hand out to her, I took a step closer to the couch, motioning for her to sit with me. I was grateful when she obliged. She looked weary but she was willing to listen so I started from the beginning.

"I want to tell you everything but please, try not to hold too much against me. I'm really not fucking around with anyone, I need you to believe me on that, but the last year of my life isn't something I'm proud of." She didn't say anything, she just nodded and sat with our hands folded together in her lap. I continued to plead with my eyes for her to understand while I did my best to explain how I got myself into a mess I couldn't pull myself out of.

"Sometimes, I drink a little too much. A lot too much." I admitted with a shake of my head, guilt weighing heavy as I watched her head fall. "I would find myself incapable of coming out of these benders. I would drink for days on end, doing my best to drown out the pain, the guilt and the loneliness. It never worked for more than a few minutes, but a few minutes was worth it for me." Exhaling a Little too sharply, I look away and stare at a framed picture of Bella and Anthony on the wall. "It's not an excuse, but I was drunk the night that… well, the night I left here."

Chancing a glance in her direction, I added "It got worse when I wasn't around you anymore. When I didn't have to keep up pretenses. I needed help and it couldn't be anyone who knew too much. About you, about Anthony. I couldn't even say your name out loud. Even Jasper couldn't convince me to remember who I was. All I did was think about you and Anthony and lose myself in bottles until I was passed out somewhere."

"Edward, I'm sorry." I shook my head at her words, squeezing her hand and forcing her to look up at me.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Life gave us a second chance. Bella, there was never anyone else. Kate is sort of like my sponsor, though I've never really given her the official title. That would mean admitting I had a problem, and you of all people know how hard it is for me to admit my faults." Running a hand through my hair nervously, I avoid her eyes and try to find the best way to say this.

"Somewhere around four months ago I ended up at a dive bar on the outskirts of downtown. I have a condo there, not that it's anything special. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have anything more than a mattress on the floor if Alice hadn't intervened." Shaking my head, I scowl at the reminder of her unwelcome intrusion earlier. "Kate was the bartender. We didn't… I would never cheat on you, Bella, and I sure as fuck haven't been in the right state of mind to be thinking about anything involving _pleasure._ I wouldn't deserve it even if I had the chance. Kate just let me talk, and I needed someone to listen. I needed to let someone know how fucking _guilty_ I felt all the time. I drank my weight in whiskey, but somehow I managed to tell her where I lived, and she got me home. The next morning I woke up and watched her pour my liquor collection down the drain."

Shifting my weight, I sigh. "I won't say I haven't had a drink since, but I haven't been shitfaced in a long time. Instead, I call Kate when I need a drink, and she lets me talk until the urge passes. She has a key to my condo, but only to make sure I'm not passed out in a pile of my own vomit. Anthony's…" Clearing my throat, I shake my head. "The day he came back I was in a bar. It was the anniversary, and I just needed a drink. I only had one, and I was leaving when I got the call from you."

"Edward, I'm so sorry. You have nothing to feel guilty over, not anymore. We're all home now. Together." Bella looked like she was about to say something else, but the sudden banging against our front door interrupted her.

 _Who the fuck could that be?_

—

 _ **A/N**_

 _ **Hopefully you guys don't hate Edward as much now that he's explained everything a little bit more. How do we feel about Kate?**_

 _ **(We secretly love it when you guys get a little mad at our characters)**_

 _ **See you guys next Friday!**_

 _ **-Fireheart & Firefly-**_


	9. Mending Scars

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 _ **Mending Scars**_

 **Chapter 9**

 **EPOV**

When I moved to pull the door open, I came face to face with an officer who looked mildly uncomfortable but offered me a smile regardless. Raising an irritated brow, I silently questioned his presence, not doing much to mask my annoyance with yet another interruption on this day.

"Mr. Masen, I'm sorry for disturbing you, but I'm Officer Yorkie. I just needed to let you know that we're gonna be out here for a while, and if you hear or see anything suspicious, let us know immediately. We'll be protective detail for you and your family, so I don't think there will be any problems, but it's better safe than sorry. Sometimes you'll see us and sometimes you won't, but we'll be here either way."

At his words, I furrowed my brows and looked over his shoulder to the patrol car out front. "Has there been any news on James?" I asked with genuine curiosity, only barely aware that my fist had clenched at my side while he shook his head with a sympathetic smile.

I sensed her before I felt her, always in tune with what she was doing and where she was, even now. Bella joined me at the door, her gentle touch against my back relaxing my fist almost instantly as I shifted my gaze from the uniformed officer down to her inquisitive eyes.

"No word as far as I know, Sir. Just wanted to give you a heads up and let you both know we'll be here. Also, if your wife and child need to go anywhere, they'll have a tail the entire time. We don't have one set for you, but if anything happens, we'll move it to high risk and you'll be assigned an officer as well." Once again, mildly irritated. Not only did our families intrude on today, but now we still couldn't even spend time together as a family, couldn't try to have some sense of normalcy. I understood it of course, I appreciated the fact that they'd be watching over my wife and son, but I was still a man who wanted to protect my family by myself. "Ma'am." The officer nodded in Bella's direction, welcoming her into the conversation, and she offered a delicate smile of her own, her eyes meeting mine as she tugged on my hand.

"Thank you, Officer." With a simple nod, the cop eyed Bella, his eyes lingering on her legs just a little too long for my liking and I offered a tight lipped smile of my own before closing the door, whether he was finished or not. I watched as she spun around, flipping her hand in mine as she led me from the room. I found myself watching her walk away, something inside of me awakening at the familiar sway of her hips. Something I hadn't let myself remember for so long. Still holding my hand, she led me towards the kitchen where I leaned lazily against the island countertop and pulled her into my chest, silently testing the waters. We needed to have a conversation, it was long since overdue, and there was no time like the present.

"So, I know it's going to take some getting used to again, me being here, but I want to do it _right_ , Bella. I don't wanna fuck anything up between us. We can take things as slow as you want, focus on Anthony, get him the help he needs. We'll all be together and just let it come together naturally. No pressure, I'll be patient. I'm not going anywhere." My words were gentle, planned, and she knew it but she nodded all the same, that little smile peeking out from the corner of her mouth, just the way I remembered. All I wanted to do in that moment was taste those torturously familiar lips and hold her in my arms, but I knew we weren't ready for that. Being this close to the love of my life, and yet feeling so awkwardly far away from her, it was… difficult. I couldn't help the memories that slipped into the background of my mind. It was like an ongoing loop of my favorite Bella moments, most of which involved my hands on her in some way, whether it be innocent or sinfully devilish, and I had to refrain from bringing those moments up in conversation. I wanted to kiss her in the worst way, every part of my body was screaming at me to just press my lips to hers, but I couldn't. Not yet. The _us_ part? That would come later. I could be patient. _For now._ "But you need to know, Bella, that I have every intention of fixing us. I'm not going anywhere, not unless you make me, and even then…" Trailing off, I shake my head at the thought. The sound of her voice pulled my eyes back to hers.

"Thank you. For being so understanding and for being _you._ I've missed you. You need to know that I missed you every single day, Edward. We have plenty of time to talk about the last year apart, but for now, I'm just glad you're here. I'm not going to make you go anywhere." At her words, I gave her hips a squeeze, grinning crookedly to try and lighten the mood for her, and for a second, my girl smiled. _My girl._ The one I hadn't seen in over two years peeking out from where she was long since buried. It didn't last long, but it was enough. That is, until her eyes glazed over and it seemed like she was in another place entirely.

With a groan under my breath, I tried to ignore the way she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and focused on her eyes instead. A tiny crinkle above her brows told me she was thinking, worrying, about one thing or another. The list of possibilities was endless, even now. "What is it?" My voice was low, my hand reassuring on her lower back as she hugged me, her head now resting against my chest.

"I don't know how to make him comfortable. What are we supposed to do to help him feel some kind of normalcy? Can we have family dinners and bath time? Can I read him bedtime stories and tuck him in? I'm so happy that he held your hand and let you bring him to his room, I really am, but he doesn't even want to _look_ at me, Edward. It's like he blames me." Her voice broke on a breathy cry and she hid her face in my shirt. My hands immediately cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look up at me while I stared into her tear filled eyes.

"Bella, you can't think that way. He doesn't blame you, he probably doesn't even remember that day clearly. Nobody blames you." Guilt immediately washed over me, flashing back to one of our arguments when Anthony was first taken. My words slapped me in the face for what felt like the millionth time. " _I_ don't blame you. I never blamed you, Bella. It was just so hard." Looking down, I shook my head to clear my thoughts and pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head. I could feel her arms give a tighter squeeze and she looked up at me with a sad smile.

"I want to show you something. Come with me." Intrigued by her request, I followed willingly, but was surprised when she led me down the hallway towards our bedroom. It felt like an intrusion for me to step over the threshold, so I paused in the doorway, our connected hands stretched as I halted her movements.

"Bella, I—" Cutting off my words and my thoughts, she tugged on my hand, a genuine smile on her face.

"It's okay, Edward." Sucking in a breath, I followed closely behind her as we moved across the bedroom, my eyes scanning the walls in a delightful surprise. She never took down any of the photos of us together. There were new additions, mostly of Anthony as a baby, photos Bella had taken. I nearly knocked her over when she stopped in front of the walk in closet, my chest bumping into her back. It didn't go unnoticed that my hips pressed against her ass for a half a second before I stepped back, finally realizing what she wanted me to see.

"The closet?" My question sounded ridiculous as I asked it out loud because it was pretty damn obvious that we were in fact, standing in front of the closet, but Bella just smiled bashfully and pulled the doors open, stepping to the left so I could walk inside. It was exactly the way I remembered it. Her things on the left, mine on the right. She kept everything. Every single thing was the same. My mind flashed back to when I packed a bag and left that night. I didn't take much, knowing I'd just buy what I needed, that anything I took would just remind me of my broken little family. I took a few things but left almost everything behind. My fingers brushed along the fabrics as I walked deeper into the closet and was almost overwhelmed by my emotions as I felt Bella behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I held my hand out for her and she nestled into my side, my voice barely audible. "I was terrified to find out if you had erased me from the house." I admitted one of my biggest fears, not only from today, from finally being back here, but from the very beginning of all of this.

"I would never do that. I needed some part of you to still be here. I spent a lot of time sitting in your office, or wearing your clothes. They… they smelled like you, for awhile." Her voice trailed off and I knew it was too soon for her to get into details about what it must have been like for her while we were apart. I needed her to stay here with me, not get lost to awful memories that would haunt her. I couldn't believe that she kept all of it just the way I left it, after all this time. I was afraid all of my shit would be in boxes in some storage place, but no, this perfect little wife of mine kept every single thing. I knew she always believed Anthony would come home, so maybe she knew I would too. It was a nice thought to hold onto.

"You're amazing, you know that?" My words accompanied a smile that I didn't have to force and I pulled Bella with me out of the closet, slapping the light switch before closing the doors behind us. Feeling a small tug of my hand, I turned my head to find Bella standing at the foot of our bed, her eyes looking somewhere behind me. Throwing a glance over my shoulder, I found what she was focused on. Our framed wedding photo, perfectly untouched and displayed on my nightstand. I knew my wife enough to know that she was still shy but always kind. It was a silent offer. It was her taking a leap of faith. It was her way of saying she was going to do everything she could to make me feel welcome in our home again. A gesture. One that I was more than grateful for, but I also knew that it couldn't happen yet. I didn't want us to settle into a familiar pattern. After everything that had happened, we would never make it if we simply fell into what we were once more. I wanted to rebuild something old and something new. I wanted it to be genuine. I needed to show her that I would never take her for granted or assume everything was perfect when it wasn't. I didn't want us to settle. I wanted her to want me the way she used to. I wanted her to fall in love with me all over again and treat her the way she deserved to be treated. It would take time, and I was okay with that. If I got Bella and Anthony in the end, if we could find our new normal, our new happy, it would be worth it.

I felt my throat tighten at not only the gesture but the sight of our bed behind her, an onslaught of memories invading my senses too fast, too soon. As much as I wanted to lay in that big, fluffy four poster with my wife in my arms, I knew I had to put my own wants on the back burner. Bella met my gaze and I couldn't help but brush a single finger down her cheek as it turned a deeper shade of pink. I leaned in close and brushed my nose against her cheek, my voice low enough but just above a whisper. "There's nothing I want more than to lay in that bed with you, but I meant it when I said I didn't want to fuck things up this time. I can be patient, we'll take things slow, okay?" When she tilted her head and caught my eyes with her own, she searched between them, finding whatever she was looking for as she smiled and nodded quickly, her shoulder seemed a bit lighter as she took a breath and breathed a quiet laugh. A sure sign that Bella was nervous. Wanting her to relax a little, I pressed a kiss to her cheek and stepped around her to pull a pillow off the bed and pointed it towards the door. "Besides, I do believe I've spent a few nights on that couch before."

Bella chuckled her laugh and watched me move towards the doorway, my grin still in place before I turned and headed for the living room. I didn't move towards the couch though, instead making my way up the stairs. My footsteps were quiet against the hardwood floors as I walked to Anthony's bedroom, peeking inside to make sure he was still napping. My heart swelled at the sight of him, his little fingers clutching his teddy bear against his chest and his mouth wide open, soft little snores escaping him. _This was real. He was really here._

I had promised Anthony that I would get his Mommy to make some of her famous chocolate chip cookies and to be completely honest, the thought had me grinning all the way down the stairs. A few minutes after I tossed my pillow on the couch, Bella came down with a sheet and blankets in her arms, a shy smile on her face. I took them from her and laid them on the couch for now. "Hey, Bella?" I called her name as she was turning for the kitchen and I stumbled over my words as she threw me a look over her shoulder. Her brow was raised, her long wavy hair was pushed to one side and her cheeks were still pink and I had to remind myself to speak before I got lost in another wave of Bella memories. Clearing my throat, I pushed my hands into my pockets and met her stare. "I told Anthony you'd make him cookies. Want to make them together?"

Her smile was answer enough, but she nodded and motioned for me to follow her into the kitchen. Even though I offered to help, I knew the only thing Bella would let me do was pull the ingredients from the cabinets and put the oven on. I had missed this so fucking much that my heart lurched at the thought of doing something so trivial together, my grin stretching across my face at an almost painful level.

It was easy to fall into a comfortable conversation with Bella. It was strange in a sense that it felt so familiar, but at the same time, everything was new. We talked about going shopping for some new clothes for Anthony, new toys and anything else he might want for his bedroom. We decided to let him pick out whatever kind of theme he liked at the store, anything we could do to help him find comfort with us again. We talked about going food shopping and I even offered to buy new furniture for the house, but Bella didn't want to change anything. She said even though we had some bad memories, we had great ones too, and I couldn't argue with that. They'd just been buried underneath pain for awhile.

I watched Bella bake a few trays worth of chocolate chip cookies and enjoyed the way we bantered back and forth, but it didn't escape my notice that every ten minutes or so, she glanced at the baby video monitor to check on Anthony while he napped. It had been almost two hours since he fell asleep, and even though it was a long nap, we both knew he needed it.

I mentioned to Bella that I needed my laptop for work and some of my stuff from my place while she moved around the kitchen. She seemed particularly quiet about that, but didn't object to the idea. She did, however, seem hesitant for me to leave the house to retrieve them. When I pulled my phone out from my pocket, I noticed the way she glanced at it and turned away quickly. I could only assume because of the conversation we had about Kate.

"Bella, I wouldn't be gone more than an hour, but if you don't want me to go, I can ask Kate to bring me my things. She wouldn't mind and I know she would love to meet you." I waited as Bella glanced at me from the side, her back straight and her shoulders tense. I would never want Bella to feel uncomfortable, but I knew if she could just meet Katie, she'd know there was absolutely nothing to worry about. I waited until she turned and faced me, her eyes burning into mine as her fingers clutched at the countertop.

"I don't want you to leave. And I think… I'd like to meet her." She seemed unsure but she was curious if nothing else, so I simply nodded and typed a text to Kate, letting Bella see the screen. I had nothing to hide and my wife had absolutely nothing to worry about.

 **Hey Kate, I need a favor. Could you go to my place and pick up some things to drop off at home for me? I don't want to leave Bella and Anthony alone.**

Hitting the send button, I set the phone on the counter and moved to the fridge to grab a bottle of water and sat at the island, stealing a cookie from the plate while Bella had her back turned.

"Cookie thief." I don't know how she knew, but she did. She gave me a knowing look over her shoulder and I grinned innocently, picking up my phone to read Kate's text.

 **Of course. What do you need?**

Typing my reply, I was still chewing my stolen cookie and smiling at my wife while she poured me a glass of milk, her eyes darting towards the video monitor again.

 **Thanks. My laptop, briefcase and a few suits. There's also a stack of folders on the counter, I need all of them.**

Bella had left my clothes hanging in the closet, but I knew that she wasn't the only one who had lost weight over the last year. My dive down the neck of a few too many bottles had left my clothes baggy, and while I'd gained most of it back by now, I knew they wouldn't fit quite right yet. I had a few cases open, clients that would be expecting me to be available, but I'd learned my lesson. My family needed me, and I had every intention of passing them off to Jasper and taking an indefinite leave of absence. He could handle the workload, and if not, someone else in our firm would be more than happy to land a top client. I'd notate what needed to be done and I'd focus on my family, as I should have done from the beginning.

Kates reply saying she'd be here within the hour came much quicker this time and I didn't bother sending another text, choosing to leave the kitchen and examine the new photos on the wall that Bella had taken in my absence. She was always a phenomenal photographer, but the few landscapes she'd chosen to frame for the house since I'd been gone, they were breathtaking. Somehow, she managed to capture her own pain in each one. Sad and tragic lonely wildflowers in the rain. They were beautiful, but the despair was written against every lonely petal. I made a mental note to look into buying her a new camera. Whatever was the best of the best, just as a simple gesture. I know flowers and gifts won't win my wife back, but I could still take care of her and make up for lost time along the way. I had so much to atone for, and I knew without looking that she hadn't updated any of her equipment. Bella was never one for spending money, even with our wealth.

By the time I made my way back to the kitchen, I found Bella standing by the wall, just zoned out, not really looking at anything, with that far away look in her eyes again. I approached her slowly, careful not to scare her, and brushed my fingers under her elbow, tilting my head towards her with a small smile on my lips. "You okay, love?" My voice was low but she seemed to jump regardless, her eyes coming back into focus as she blinked at me a few times. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but then visibly changed her mind, plastering on a smile as she briefly met my eyes and moved to the sink to start cleaning up the mess. I moved towards her, wanting to clean up for her, but just as I did, both of our eyes flew to the baby video monitor and we watched Anthony start to wake up, his fearful eyes looking all around the room as he clutched his teddy bear in both hands.

We both moved quickly from the kitchen and headed up the stairs, smiling wide as we poked our heads into Anthony's bedroom and stepped carefully inside.

"Hey, little man. How was your nap? Guess what Mommy made?" I made my way closer, but paused when he seemed to stiffen at the closeness, so I sat in one of his little fisher price chairs, hoping I wouldn't break it. "She made some really good chocolate chip cookies. Wanna come eat some with us?"

Naturally, he didn't say anything, but he did take his time looking at Bella and I felt the weight of her earlier words. Bella felt terrible that she hadn't been able to have any closeness with Anthony yet. She was convinced that he blamed her or remembered what happened that night, but I had another theory. I'm no doctor, but I was partially convinced that Anthony was afraid to remember her because of whatever brainwashing bullshit had been drilled into him. I think he very much remembered his mother, but was afraid of the consequences of the memories. At that, my heart sank a little more. Time. Only time would prove to him that he was safe here.

The echo of the doorbell rang through the house, and we both looked at one another, knowing exactly who it was on the other end of the door. I knew Kate wasn't a threat to our family, to my wife or my son, but Bella didn't. Fear flashed behind her eyes, and I wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't yet ready to allow a stranger near our son, or if she was still unconvinced about our relationship. I couldn't fault her for either.

"I'll be right back, Buddy. How about you and Mommy meet me in the kitchen and we can have some of those cookies?" Offering a smile, I pressed my hand to Bella's back and tapped my fingers there reassuringly, knowing she needed a few minutes alone with our son anyway.

I made my way back downstairs and headed for the front door, not missing the way she knocked again with an annoyed sigh. "Edward?" Her voice called out just as I unlocked the top lock and pulled the door open, my brow raised to match her own.

"I don't know what you did this time, but would you mind explaining to me why exactly the Spanish Inquisition just took place the moment I stepped onto your property? Are you a wanted man now or something?" She glared behind her and I followed those angry eyes to where an aggravated Officer was currently on the phone, glaring right back at her, but addressed his words to me instead.

"Is this _Lady_ a welcomed visitor, Mr. Masen?" I could tell he was annoyed, and part of me wished I had been present for whatever transpired between them while I was upstairs. With a wave of dismissal, I called out with a nod.

"Yeah, she's a friend, it's fine. Thank you, Officer." He didn't address Kate again, but nodded and continued his phone call, no doubt alerting his superiors about her presence on the property. If it had been any other time, I probably would have laughed at the encounter, but I was still pretty on edge and wasn't exactly in the mood to be friendly, even towards people who were trying to help.

"Geez, Edward. What's really going on here? Does Bella know you're here? Or is this like the time I found you crying across the street with a bottle of bourbon hanging out of your mouth while you watched her like a total creep?" She raised a brow and waited expectedly for some kind of explanation, but before I could either laugh or answer her, I heard Bella's feet padding down the stairs. I couldn't help but grin proudly as Bella carried Anthony in her arms, and her own returning smile spoke volumes. It was a huge step for Anthony and I was so happy that Bella had started to bond with him again. _We could fix this. Fix us._

When Bella caught sight of Kate, her smile faded to a polite nod and I heard a sharp gasp come from Kate, her jaw slack and her eyes wide as she took in the sight of my wife and son.

"You weren't lying… I thought maybe you were drunk and then I saw the cops… nothing makes sense right now, Edward." She lifted her hands and held up a duffle bag in one had, which I knew contained my laptop, files and work shit, and in the other she lifted four garment bags on hangers. I took them and laid them on the couch before holding a hand up for Kate to wait just a minute. I didn't want to fully invite her into our home, I wasn't ready for anyone to be there for a while, but I also didn't want Bella to feel awkward in her own house.

"Just give me a minute. I'll be right back." I pulled away from the door and peeked my head into the kitchen, smiling as Bella poured a little cup of milk for Anthony and filled a plate with cookies. I wished I didn't have to interrupt the moment between them, but the sooner I could get the introduction out of the way, the sooner Bella would be able to relax and understand that Kate was just a friend and Bella had nothing to worry about.

"Bella?" My voice was low, soft not to frighten Anthony. Her head snapped towards mine and I offered her a warm smile as I motioned silently for her to join me in the other room. Making my way back to the front door, I wondered if Bella had heard Kate when she brought up the night a couple months ago. I had been crying Bella's name outside, drunk as can be and pitiful beyond reason. I would have to explain that later. Much later. For now, I joined Kate at the door and held my arm out for Bella to slip into my side. I knew without asking that she appreciated that, and she even smiled as I tucked her under my arm.

"Bella, this is Kate." I kept my eyes on my wife as she held out her hand, shy and blushing, but braving through something that I knew she didn't feel comfortable with.

"Kate, this is Bella. _My wife."_

There was a moment of silence as Kate stared open mouthed at us, but a blinding smile took over her face as she took Bella's hand in her own. "So you're the woman he's been moping about for months. I don't know what happened, but this is a story I _definitely_ need to hear when you two are up for talking. I —"

Kate was cut off as yet another fucking knock sounded against the door. I was seriously debating packing Bella and Anthony up and hightailing it out of town if this shit kept up. Letting loose a frustrated breath, I drag a hand down my face and move to peer through the peephole. Seeing Detective Pace, Garrett, outside, I flip the locks and pull the door open.

"Garrett." My voice betrays my distaste for yet another visitor, but he doesn't seem offended as he pulls the hat from his head and steps inside, his eyes flicking behind me to see Bella and Kate.

"Mr. and Mrs. Masen, I'm glad to see you're home safe. The officers let me know of a small disturbance, but it's my understanding that it was a misunderstanding." He eyed Kate as he spoke, and I fought the urge to laugh. God only knew what Kate did to the poor bastards outside.

Kate simply shrugged in response, eyeing her nails as she spoke. "What? They practically attacked me. A little warning would have been nice."

Garrett cleared his throat and held out his hand. "I'm Garrett, the lead detective for this case."

Kate didn't move to touch his outstretched palm, instead eying him with a little smirk playing at her lips. I stepped up behind Bella and wrapped my arms around her waist, my chin resting on her head as we watched the exchange.

"Kate. You should train your dogs a little better." Garrett dropped his arm, his eyes lingering on Kate before sliding to Bella and I as he changed the topic.

"Right. While I'm here, I wanted to ask you two if you'd be alright with having a little sit down with the bar owner? He wanted to ask how Anthony was doing and see if there was anything he could do to help." I was surprised at that, but grateful for the gesture. I didn't want to answer for Bella so I tilted my head and silently asked her, my brows raised as she met my gaze. The ' _yes'_ was clear in my eyes. I wanted to meet the guy, not only to thank him, but to see if he knew anything else, saw anything else related to James that the police hadn't disclosed to us. It was Bella who answered, her eyes still on mine, her smile reassuring.

"I think that'll be okay, Garrett. Tell him we'd like that very much and give him Edwards number." Once again, I was proud of how brave she could be under pressure after all that we had gone through. I glanced between Garrett and Kate who were silently scowling at each other, and knew better than to laugh, but I would bring that up to her later. For now, I wanted everyone to leave us alone so we could finally have some undisturbed and much needed family time.

"Well, I hate to be a dick but I think it's time for everyone to carry on with their day. Bella and I would like to have some time with our son, if you don't mind." I moved to the door, holding it open for the final time today. With the amount of aggravation I've been struggling with all day, pleasantries went out the window. I didn't want to deal with anymore people, unwanted guests or interruptions. All I wanted to do was steal another cookie and watch my family become whole again.

Because it would. It had taken me too long, but I finally found that hope that Bella had clung to for years and I wasn't letting go of anytime soon.

 **A/N: Thank you all so much for keeping up with this story. We love that you love it. See you next Friday.**

 **~ Fireheart & Firefly ~**


	10. Whispered Thoughts

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 _ **Whispered Thoughts**_

 **Chapter Ten**

 **EPOV**

We spent the evening together, not doing much of anything at all, and yet, every moment was seared into my mind and I knew I'd remember every soft smile, every whispered laugh. Anthony never spoke, but by now that was to be expected. Neither Bella nor I wanted to push the matter. Not now, not while everything was so new. Instead, he watched us with a reserved curiosity, and I took it as a positive sign that he was interested at all.

I should have known that our peaceful evening would only bring more chaos. The luck we'd carried over the last few years was nothing if not hateful, and I wondered, not for the first time, what we'd done to deserve the hand that life kept dealing us. With morning came more noise than I was accustomed to hearing lately, the sound of crowds typically reserved for courtroom dealings, but this wasn't a public place. I woke to the sound of voices that were, though muffled, still distinctly outside of our home. Car doors slammed and before I could lift myself from the couch, Bella padded into the room and a sharp knock hit the front door. She shot me a worried look and immediately went for the stairs, bypassing the front door entirely in favor of checking on Anthony.

That left me to deal with whatever laid beyond our doorstep, and my face was etched with anger even before I pulled the door open. I'd had an inkling of what it was before I had rolled off of the couch, but what greeted me was far worse than what I'd imagined. The street was lined with vehicles, most of which were vans, and the two officers trying to herd and scare off reporters were slowly being guided back towards our house. In front of me stood Garrett, his face more grim than I'd yet to see it. My eyes moved past him and raked over the reporters lining the sidewalk, the few that had gotten brave and stood scattered across the lawn, the four that stood with the deputies that were distracted enough that I was sure James could slip by undetected if he tried. To the neighbors that stood in their driveways, the cameras pointed in our direction. Without a word, I stepped to the side and allowed Garrett into the house.

"I knew it'd be bad, when news broke, but this is worse than I thought it would be." Pulling his hat from his head, Garrett ran a hand through his shaggy hair before continuing. "I'm going to be honest with you, Edward. It isn't good. If James is still watching, still looking for any of you, he knows exactly where to find you because of the parasites outside."

Letting out a frustrated breath, the man drops his hands to his sides. "There is an upside to this, however. We're going to release what we know about James. We'll keep Anthony out of it, try to shield him and what we know about what happened as much as possible, but it's only a matter of time before someone talks. We're hoping that, before it gets to that point, someone will recognize the bastard and we can apprehend him."

I hoped he was right.

It took forty five minutes and seven people before I put my foot down and stopped answering the door. Garret only stuck around for a few minutes, citing that he needed to deal with the mess that this case was turning into, and I was glad when he left. I had music on in the living room in a feeble attempt to block out the noise of the reporters outside, but that hadn't stopped anyone from knocking on our door. Neighbors, mostly, and a few officers checking in to make sure everything was alright. I understood the necessity of their presence, appreciated it, even, but that didn't make their incessant interruptions any easier to swallow.

I had learned that the police could only do so much, and so I nodded and went along with what they said, but I was busy making my own plans to protect my family. I wouldn't let anything happen to them, not again. Not this time. So I turned the volume of the stereo up and typed out a quick email to Jasper, letting him know about the sea of news outlets currently stationed outside my house. I filled Bella's favorite mug with coffee just the way she liked it, and I let Jasper know that he should pull into the garage and use the back door if he showed up with papers for us to sign. He also needed to be prepared to represent us on multiple fronts, one of which being a lawsuit against the press junkets outside for obstruction, privacy invasion of a minor and harassment. I wasn't taking any chances. We both knew the cases would end up thrown out eventually, but at least I could be a royal pain in the ass to every camera crew looking for a story on my front goddam lawn.

I made it really fucking clear that Alice was in no way, shape or form welcome at my house.

Glancing at the staircase, I rummaged through the refrigerator and pulled out some eggs, milk, juice and bread. I wasn't spectacular in the kitchen but at least I could make eggs and toast. I knew Bella hadn't been taking very good care of herself as of late, and if I had anything to do with it, she'd be eating regularly at the very least. I'd save her from herself if that's what I needed to do.

Once the food was ready, I called up the stairs to Bella and Anthony, telling them to come down for breakfast before I made my way into my office. I needed my iPad and my laptop to look into the bullshit that was going on all around us. If they were already outside, I'm sure we were gracing headlines across the state. The thought of my wife and sons faces plastered across news articles and phone screens everywhere had me raging before the day had even started.

I set myself up at the kitchen island and sipped my coffee as I logged into my accounts, checking emails and search engines for any news articles about us. As I lost myself in the hunt, Bella wandered in, Anthony in tow. I watched from the corner of my eye as he reached his arm up to hold her hand as she walked him to the table, the sight hitting my chest in the very best way. I smiled the minute I saw them, my eyebrows going up and my grin growing wider as Anthony watched me as he walked by, his eyes curious as he blinked a few times. Bella lifted him into his little man seat at the table and sat across from him while she brushed his hair into an adorable comb over with curls. He wrinkled his nose and messed up the back with his fingers but Bella just laughed and moved to grab his plate of food.

Even with the chaos outside and the classical music pouring into the kitchen from the living room, I heard his little 'thank you' as if he'd spoken it right next to my ear rather than mumbled it from across the kitchen.

 _We would be just fine._

—

I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. There are always those moments where you're floating somewhere in between awake and asleep, where you're not quite conscious but you're aware of what's going on around you and reality becomes a muddled little thing. At first, I thought it might be in my head, another nightmare. I'd had enough to know what they felt like, and the ache in my chest let me know I wasn't too far off, but there was this nagging feeling inside me, something pulling me out of that dreamlike state. I heard her screams, her cries. I jolted out of my sleep, my feet getting tangled in the sheets. I hit the floor with a loud thud and winced as my elbow smacked into the coffee table. My heart was racing as I kicked the sheets from my feet and eyed the stairs, praying the screaming wasn't coming from Anthony's bedroom. Two seconds passed and I knew that it wasn't.

There was no hesitation as I moved through the dark towards what was once our bedroom, my eyes frantically searching for Bella. The bed was obviously slept in, the sheets crumpled and the pillows tossed around as if she had pushed them away from her in her sleep.

"Bella?" My voice was a hoarse whisper in the dark tinged with a worry that was only growing, particularly because I didn't see her anywhere in the room. A cold shot of fear went through my veins. The screaming had stopped. There were no cries, not even a whisper of sound.

Flipping the light switch on the wall, my eyes scanned the the room, searching for my wife. There was no sign of any struggle apart from the state of the bed. I could feel my heart rate pick up as I took a few more steps into the room, whispering now as I called her name a few more times.

"Bella, it's me. It's Edward. Where are you?" I crossed the room slowly, my bare feet stepping on something really soft. I looked down to find a fluffy white throw blanket hanging off the edge of the bed and onto the floor. My mind was whirling, taking in the details at a rate that I couldn't keep up with. It must've fallen as she ran out of bed. The blanket was half dragged and pointing towards the other side of the room, so I willed my feet to follow where it led.

"Baby, Tell me where you are." I ran a hand through my hair, frustration and nerves getting the better of me as I pushed the door to the bathroom open and peeked my head inside. I flicked the light on and pushed the shower curtain aside, not that I thought she'd be hiding in there, but you never knew. If Bella was having nightmares, there was no telling where she would be hiding. I hoped and prayed that that was what this was. I couldn't even begin to imagine what I would find if James had broken in.

I came up empty handed, my ears straining to hear something. Anything. Just as I left the bathroom, it dawned on me. She told me exactly where to find her. She told me how many nights she had spent locked in our closet, wearing my clothes and hiding from her own mind.

With a gentle click of the door handle, I pushed the double doors open to our bedroom closet and peered into the darkness. It took a second for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, to skim the racks of clothes, but sure enough, my girl was curled up in a ball, all the way against the back wall on my side of the closet. I didn't turn the light on, didn't want her to be afraid or embarrassed or whatever else she might be feeling. Walking past the rows of clothes, I knelt down and crawled the rest of the way, sliding into place next to my wife, my back against the wall. Bella was practically shaking, her head resting against her knees as she hugged them. She didn't lift her head.

"Bella? What happened? Did you have a bad dream?" My voice was soft, careful. I didn't want to frighten her by being too close, but my hands were shaking with restraint. I wanted to reach out, to pull her into my arms and kiss away her fears. To tell her that everything was fine, that we'd be alright. To let her know that I was here, that Anthony was here, that whatever demons plagued her mind couldn't take that away. Couldn't change that. I wanted… so damn much, but this wasn't about me, and I'd been selfish for long enough. I didn't have the right to do those things, hadn't earned the honor, so I clenched my fists at my sides and kept my eyes on the only woman who had ever made me feel alive. There was no response for what felt like hours but was likely only minutes. Her breathing evened out, and even in the darkness I could see her body shifting towards me.

"Edward." It was nothing more than a whisper, almost as if she didn't want me to hear her. I lifted my hand and stroked the back of hers as it hugged her knees. _I'm here, Bella, I promise._

"I'm here. Tell me what's wrong." She still hadn't lifted her head, but I could hear her sniffles, could hear her teeth clattering against each other. My brows pulled together and my heart clenched in my chest. My wife was hiding in the dark, crying into her knees, and I was helpless. I wondered how often she found herself tucked into this little corner, how many times she had cried herself to sleep against this wall. How many times she whispered my name into the darkness and received no response. Two years worth of guilt and fear shocked me to my core and the need to protect her shot to the surface. Moving closer, I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against my side, using my other hand to push her hair away from her face, urging her to look at me.

"Talk to me, Princess." A name I hadn't called her in so long, too long. My voice was soft and rough, the voice of a man desperate to help but afraid of what he'd find, but she lifted her head. Even through the darkness, I could see the sadness in her eyes, the pain and the fear. Her tears spilled down her cheeks and her little nose was red from sniffling. She leaned close to me and laid her head against my shoulder. I didn't want to push her too much, to force her into trusting me. She had to talk on her own terms. So I waited. _And waited. And waited._

I wasn't sure how much time passed before I finally heard her voice break through the sound of our breathing, but it was definitely long enough for me to start to doze off as we sat with our backs to the closet wall under rows of hanging suits.

"Is this real, Edward?" Her voice was barely there, soft silence all around us, and I almost didn't hear her as my head rested heavily on top of hers. I blinked back the drowsiness and stroked my thumb across the back of her hand.

"Us sitting in the closet at... four AM? Yes, it's very real." I breathed a low chuckle, trying to relax her a little, and she tilted her head as she lifted it off of my chest, forcing me to lift my own head as I glanced down at her. "It's real, Bella. I'm right here. Anthony is asleep in his bed, safe. We're all safe. We're all home." I kept my voice low, but my words came with the conviction I knew she needed.

"I'm scared. I'm afraid it's not real, that I'll wake up and you'll be gone. Anthony will be gone." She paused, more tears spilling as she whispered almost angrily, painfully. "It feels real… but it's felt this way before. It was real for a little while and then it wasn't. I can't tell the difference sometimes." Her last few words came broken, hushed, but a cry shook her and it took everything I had not to sweep her up in my arms and carry her into bed where I could hold her until the sun rose and chased away her fears. I pushed back my selfishness yet again and focused on what she needed to hear, or at least what I knew I could offer in such a fucked up situation.

"I swear on everything that I am that it's real, Bella. I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you needed me. I should've stayed. I should've fought harder and taken care of you. I'm sorry for not being… for not being strong enough." Blinking back my own tears, I kissed the top of her head and laid my legs out straight in front of me, feeling relief from the uncomfortable position we had been sitting in, and yet perfectly content to be sitting here beside her. "It's real. It's all real."

"What if it isn't? What if I wake up and it all goes away? Maybe I really am crazy now, and this is how it'll always be for me. The doctors, they don't listen. They just hand out pills like skittles. I didn't want the pills, I didn't even take them. Not this time. I flushed them. All of them, Edward, you have to believe me, I didn't mean to..." Her words were tinging on frantic and I didn't understand how she had gotten to that point or why she was so upset about her medication.

"Shh, Baby. It's okay, what pills? What do you mean? Tell me what happened." I started to have an uneasy surge of energy, inside me, around me. It was everywhere. It was enough to raise the hair at the back of my neck and send goosebumps across my arms. I felt it in my gut, something had happened while I was gone. Something bad. I swallowed with thick emotion, tightening my hold on her as a handful of possibilities went through my mind, none of them pleasant, all of them adding to the guilt that already crippled me.

"It's nothing, I went through a really dark time. That's all." She didn't want to tell me, not yet at least. I could sense that something bad happened, even had a feeling that I knew what it was, but if she wasn't ready to talk about it, I could wait. She was here, in my arms. She was breathing and whole, or as whole as she could be. In the meantime, I knew I had to take to care of her, and I was more than grateful for the opportunity to do so. I would be patient and let everything fall into place on its own. I promised her that, just as I promised myself that I'd search this house from top to bottom and rid the place of any medication at the first chance I got.

 _Just to be safe._

"We can talk about it when you're ready. You know you can tell me anything. You can trust me. I know it's going to take some time, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm exactly where I belong. Finally." I meant it. Every word. This time it was her turn to lighten the mood.

"You mean in a closet at four AM?" Her laugh was breathy, beautiful to hear, but I knew her well enough to know that it was forced. I didn't care where we were as long as we were together. So I wrapped my arm around her and let her lay her head back against my shoulder and smiled, perfectly fucking happy to be hiding in a closet at four AM.

"No place else I'd rather be. I don't know about you but I'm pretty damn cozy in here." I yanked on a hanging hoodie of mine and laughed when the hanger flip-flopped to the floor somewhere we couldn't see and draped it over the front of my wife, keeping her safe under my arm, in our closet, and we drifted off to sleep. We had spent every minute so focused on Anthony that I hadn't realized that my wife was still going through the trauma in her own head. So tonight, just for a little while, I made it about her. Strictly for comfort, no moves, no intimate touches, just a husband taking care of his wife, but that didn't stop the thoughts from passing through my mind, didn't stop the whirlwind of memories from flowing through my mind like a carousel. Soft touches and whispered kisses, twisted fingers and tangled sheets.

In that moment, with Bella tucked in beside me and my son sleeping upstairs, I knew deep down to the root of my soul that we would survive this.

Not entirely sure what time it was, the sun peeked through the bedroom and cast a shadowy glow through the closet. I shifted minimally, careful not to wake Bella but when my back cracked from the position, I let out a growl of pain, effectively waking Bella with a scowl. She _laughed._

"Well, good morning to you too." We were in the exact sitting position we had fallen asleep in, only more uncomfortable, completely stiff but still smiling. Her voice was raspy from sleep or from crying, I wasn't sure, but she was okay. She was still Bella. I silently wondered how many nights she had spent crying in this very closet and woke up worse than the night before. Woke up alone to an empty house, to walls painted with happy memories that she couldn't touch. I hoped it would never happen to her again. I silently promised to always be here so we could go through it together, and even though I had vowed to do it once and failed, there wasn't a chance in hell I'd break that promise again.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to being back on the couch." We both smiled and I inched my way up the wall, groaning in protest as she laughed again. I stood in front of her with my hand out, smiling as she took it. Lifting her off the floor, she swayed from the movement and I took it as a sign that she needed something to eat. _She was too fucking skinny._ Steadying her with both hands on her hips, I pulled her a little bit closer, the little devil on my shoulder ever present as I stared down at her mouth, silently reminding myself to stay on my own side of the line. The silence felt heavy as she yawned and pressed her hands against my chest, and I couldn't help but wonder if she had to struggle with these thoughts the way I did.

"How about some breakfast?" I flashed her a crooked smile and she nodded, shifting on her feet as she looked to me expectantly. I watched her eyes and then fixated on her mouth. I became very aware of the way her tiny hips felt under the pressure of my hands. and even more aware of the fact that there wasn't much distance between us anymore. It would be so easy. To fall. It would be so goddamn easy. It always was with Bella. I fell in love with her so many times already and I knew if I stood here for another minute, I wouldn't be able to step away from her. I recognized the look in her eyes, knew it very well. She thought I was going to kiss her. There's nothing I wanted more, and my heart clenched as realization hit. I couldn't do it. Not yet. I promised her and I promised myself that I would do it right. I couldn't fuck this up again. My heart was pounding in my chest at the mere thought of kissing her lips, something that I had done a million times before, but I knew that when I finally did, the wait would be more than worth it. It wasn't without difficulty that I licked my lips and offered a small smile as I unwrapped my arms from around her and leaned down to brush my mouth against her cheek, my words whispered against soft skin. "I'll check on Anthony and get started in the kitchen."

"I'll just be a few minutes." Her voice was soft, but she was still smiling. _Good sign._ I backed away from her, never taking my eyes off of her, and when she breathed a laugh and hugged my hoodie to her body, I flashed a familiar smirk her way before pushing the doors open and silently leaving the room.

As I passed through the living room, I glanced out the window, pushing the blinds apart and groaning at the sight of even more cameras, nosy neighbors, press assholes. I chose to ignore them for a little while longer and headed straight up the stairs to Anthony's room.

When I saw that my little man was still tucked in sweetly, a thought crossed my mind. How did he not hear Bella crying last night? He didn't hear her scream. I paused in my own thoughts.

 _Didn't hear her scream._ Nobody had heard, not Anthony, not the cops stationed outside. My breath caught in my throat, the thought bouncing around in my head. The police were here for that exact reason, to keep an eye out and listen for anything out of the ordinary. Bella had yelled more than once, and -

A scream cuts my thoughts short. It was high pitched and muffled, and I knew without thinking that it wasn't Bella. Still, my face paled and I backed out of Anthonys bedroom, leaving him sleeping peacefully on his bed. The moment his bedroom door clicked shut, a pounding started at the front door, the urgency of which didn't stop until I pulled it open and wished, for just a moment, that Bella and I were still hiding in our closet.

 **A/N: ~gasps~ What do you guys think happened? This little family can't seem to catch a break. Leave us your thoughts, comments or questions! We'll do our best to answer them. Thank you for the love!**

 **~ Fireheart & Firefly ~**


	11. Forbidden Desires

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 _ **Forbidden Desires**_

 **Chapter Eleven**

 **EPOV**

"Mr. Masen, are you sure you won't reconsider? We would feel much better if you and your family relocated -" I tuned out Garretts voice, no longer interested in what he was saying. We had given him our answer and I had no intention of changing my mind. I would never make any decisions this important without consulting my wife, and we both agreed that Anthony was better off at home, where he belongs. We wouldn't spend our lives hiding. My eyes trailed towards the staircase, my fingers twitching at the thought of Bella and Anthony. It wasn't even noon yet and the events of today were far more exciting than either Bella or I wanted them to be.

 _The two officers looked me over, hesitantly lowering the weapons they had pointed at my face as their eyes moved behind me in search for…Fuck knows what._

" _I don't want to alarm you, Sir, but we're going to need to search the residence. Are your wife and son around? There has been an… incident."_

 _My spine straightened and I bit back the lawyer in me that clawed its way to the surface. "Search our house? What for?"_

 _Their weapons were still drawn and the crowd of reporters littering the street looked torn between filming the mass of police activity on the sidewalk across the street and filming our interaction. Yet another police car pulled up, this one followed by an ambulance, and my eyes flicked back to the two officers standing in front of me. Whatever incident had occurred was obviously more serious than they let on. Officers were pushing people back, shielding the scene of what was obviously a crime, but it was the caution tape that was being pulled out that had me taking a step back and allowing the two officers inside. Experience told me this was beyond bad news but there was no chance I was about to let my wife and child be the center of another shit show with the media circus outside._

" _Your wife and son, Sir? Where are they?"_

 _Clearing my throat, I arch a brow. "I'm sorry, officers, but there's no way in hell I'm letting either of you in the same room as my son when you have a gun in your hand. He's been through enough traumatic experiences in his lifetime."_

 _The cops share a look, but neither of them move to holster their guns. "Mr. Masen, I understand, but we're going to need to clear your residence. There's been a homicide and we have reason to believe that it was James Hunter, the man who kidnapped your son, but until that is certain, we can't take any chances. He may be -"_

 _The police officer didn't have a chance to finish his sentence before my legs were moving. I was halfway up the stairs before either of them reacted, my heart in my throat at the thought of that man being anywhere near my family again. I jerked to a stop in front of Anthony's door, the sight of Bella kneeling beside his bed, her fingers in his har, instantaneously calming my racing heart._

It took twenty minutes of coaxing to calm Bella down, and Anthony had taken to staring at the wall, refusing to acknowledge anyone. I wasn't sure if he understood what was going on, what had happened, but Bella and I did our best to shield him from it. More than once I found myself watching Anthony, not entirely listening to the conversation in the room. He was too smart for his age, too aware of bad things in the world that innocent children didn't need to worry about. He knew fear and pain and loss, sadness and trauma. The amount of rage that went through me when I heard that James had found us was unparalleled. I would never let him feel those things again.

We were questioned separately, but neither of us budged when they demanded to speak to Anthony. To be completely honest, I think the police were more intimidated by Bella's face when she said no than all the lawyer jargon I could've thrown at them. The frustration was clear on their faces but we didn't care. Anthony would remain unaware. As a child should be.

" _Two police officers were killed outside your house. One in his vehicle and the other in your backyard, and neither of you heard anything?"_

I wasn't sure if they believed that we had spent the entire night in our closet, but I honestly didn't give a fuck. It had taken Garrett showing up to get them off our backs, and even then they didn't stop treating us like suspects until the dash cam footage was pulled.

There was no question as to who had killed the officers. James didn't bother disguising himself when he moved around the police car, blood visible on his hands. Footage from the neighbors camera showed that the second officer was killed shortly after. From what the police were saying, he radioed in that he was doing a perimeter search because he thought he heard a scream. _Bella's nightmare._

I was half convinced that I needed to pack a suitcase and haul Bella and Anthony on a month long vacation, but Bella was wildly opposed to the idea.

" _That man is not taking anything else from us, Edward. Nothing. I refuse to let him run us out of our home, to make us take Anthony and run. When does it stop?"_

I couldn't fault her logic. Anthony was doing better than I thought he would be, something that I largely attributed to the comfort he felt in our house. In _his_ house. Letting James take that away from him was one thing I could prevent. So instead, we refused to leave, instead choosing to up security. With the amount of police officers covering our backyard, I would hope that we scared off any threats for a while, at least.

"Sorry, Garrett. We aren't going anywhere." He sighs, the frown on his face making him look older than he should.

"I get it, Edward, I do, but this guy seems like a lunatic. There's no telling what he'll try next. We're going to have to put a tighter team on you guys regardless of whether you decide to leave or not, but you already know that."

Nodding, I keep my eyes trained on the stairs. Bella and Anthony were up there, she was trying to distract him from the sound of the police activity outside, but last I checked he was tuned out and not paying her or anyone else the slightest bit of attention.

"Anyway, they found this outside by your car. I assume it belongs to Anthony?" The stuffed bunny in his hand isn't familiar to me, but Anthony has a number of stuffed animals and I wouldn't know them as well as Bella. It was dirty and ratty, which led me to believe it didn't belong to us. Bella would never let anything Anthony played with get that filthy. I wasn't entirely sure if the bunny had ever been in our possession at one time or another so I grabbed it by the dirty ear and nodded my thanks as Garrett left with a little hesitation in his steps. Locking the door and glancing through the curtain of the window, I sighed in frustration at the amount of people out there. I knew Garrett wasn't actually leaving anytime soon but I was grateful for the illusion of privacy and the chance to calm my family down.

Making my way up the stairs, I paused at the top of the steps, Bella's voice floating out from Anthonys room. Leaning against the wall as she read familiar words off the pages of a storybook, I couldn't help but smile to myself. I knew the story well, one I had heard many times between when Bella was pregnant with Anthony and his late night newborn nights. Closing my eyes at the memory, I let her voice relax me the way I hoped it was soothing our son and silently prayed that our family would make it through this.

When the book closed, Bella's soft voice came to a stop, so I moved to lean against Anthony's doorway while watching her slowly kneel beside him. He was sitting in the very same place I had last seen him, seemingly uninterested in his toys or what Bella was saying, the teddy bear still gripped in his hands.

"Are you hungry?" Bella asked him very quietly, so softly that I had to strain my ears, while she pushed the book back into its place on the shelf and ran her finger over the other bindings. I watched as Anthony shook his head, barely a response, but it was better than nothing. "How about another story?" There was no response other than a blink of his eyes so she took it as a yes and pulled another storybook from the shelf. I took the opportunity to peek inside and offer them both a smile.

"I'm missing storytime?" Bella and I exchanged glances and I could feel the worry behind her smile. A brave front to shield Anthony from what was going on. While Anthony's eyes were fixed on the illustrations on the book cover, I held the filthy rabbit up to Bella with a curious brow.

"This guy isn't one of ours, is it? Garrett found it outside and thought maybe Anthony dropped—" Before I could finish the question or fathom what the fuck was going on, Anthony was off of his little chair and across the room, pulling open his closet door with a loud slam off the wall and disappeared inside of it with a muffled cry. Bella jumped up, the book slamming to the floor as she covered her mouth, trying not to scream or frighten Anthony anymore than he already was. We looked at each other and I had no idea what had happened or what had spooked him, but when I stepped into the room and rounded the doorway to the closet, I found my son curled up in a ball, hugging his knees with tears streaming down his face, the teddy bear that he had used as a shield discarded beside him.

"Hey, little man, what happened? Are you okay in here?" My voice was calm, though under the surface, I was anything but. I approached him slowly but when he lifted his head he stared at me with pure fear in his eyes, his head shaking back and forth as terror consumed him. I tried but I couldn't come up with one goddamn reason as to why my son was currently terrified of me, but before I could kneel down in front of him, Bella raced towards me and grabbed the bunny from my hand. I turned towards her quickly, confusion clearly written all over my face. Her words were hushed but hissed as she pulled it from sight.

"Edward, it's the rabbit." I still wasn't entirely sure what the problem was but Bella was already moving around me, kneeling to face Anthony as she crawled towards him.

"Was it the bunny? You don't like that toy? We'll throw it away, alright?" Her voice was meant to be soothing but Anthony was still rocking back and forth against the wall, hiding his face from us and slowly inching back, though there was nowhere to go.. Everything suddenly clicked into place, and my mouth twisted into a snarl. Anthony's reaction to the rabbit led me to believe that James had left it here. He wanted to scare my son, and whatever torment he had put Anthony through for the past two years gave him all the insight he needed on how to do it properly.

Anthony cowered in fear at the sight of the rabbit, not at me. At the goddamn filthy toy that Bella was hiding behind her back. That sick fuck must've done some terrible shit if a stuffed animal could invoke this kind of reaction in a little boy. I knew without asking that he put his goddamn hands on my son, but even more than that, the amount of mental abuse my son suffered through seemed neverending. The thought had a wave of rage barreling through me. I stared down at the tattered stuffed animal on the floor and picked it up with a look of disgust. I couldn't even imagine what kind of person wanted to mindfuck a child, but this is _my_ child and I couldn't control the anger racing through my veins. I gripped the disgusting rabbit tight in my grip and punched it straight through the hallway wall, a yell of frustration falling from my lips and filling the entire house as my fist broke through drywall. After seeing the hole left behind, I couldn't bring myself to look down at Bella and Anthony so I just closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall of Anthony's room. That was when I heard it. When my sons little voice filled the silence left behind from my outburst.

"Are you gonna hit me?" I stood frozen in shock at Anthony's voice. We've been waiting to hear him speak to us, practically begging to hear his voice, and the first thing he felt he needed to say told me that he was petrified of me because he thought I was going to hurt him. The heartbreak I felt was crippling as I stared down at him, a lump in my throat, at a loss for words. It was Bella who spoke first, who broke the silence between us, and I was grateful because I wasn't sure that I was able to do anything except fall to my knees and sob.

"Daddy would never hit you. He'll never hurt you, baby, he loves you. I promise, you don't have to be afraid here." Anthony still stared with wide eyes and it took everything inside of me to hold back my own tears as I moved forward and lowered myself beside him.

"I will never hit you. I promise. Do you know what a pinky promise is?" I tried to make my voice lighter than the strangled rasp it was only moments ago. Anthony shook his head but still hugged his knees. I sat down on the floor and folded my feet in front me, holding up my pinky finger.

"A pinky promise is a promise that cannot be broken. It's very important, little man. Okay? So when two people make a pinky promise, it's serious. It lasts for forever." His little hand came up to wipe his eyes and he nodded once, his gaze still weary.

"We have to make the promise and lock our pinkies together to seal the deal. So when I make you this promise, it can't be broken. It's forever." I held my hand up, pinky out and leaned in a little bit closer. "I pinky promise that I will never, ever hit you. I'll never hurt you or Mommy. Ever." He didn't move at first but he shifted his gaze towards Bella and back towards me. After another long moment, Anthony held up his little pinky and locked it with mine.

It took a few hours, but Anthony eventually came out of his shell. Well, as out of it as he could, considering the circumstances. I was just glad that he seemed willing to respond to us, even if it was without speaking. After the morning we'd had it was unsurprising that Anthony was asleep in his bed, an afternoon nap that I was envious of. Our night in the closet and the chaos that followed left me beyond exhausted. I was sitting on the couch absentmindedly going through my phone, trying to block out the image of Anthony staring at me in horror. Emails, news, photos, nothing really in focus as I absentmindedly listened to Bella move around the kitchen. It was one of those moments, those little moments of silence in the middle of a storm where nothing really makes much sense but you can see the destruction all around you. Where the world pauses and waits for everything to fall down around it. It was a familiar moment and one I had come to resent. The ringing in my ears started first, until I couldn't hear Bella moving around in the kitchen anymore.

I could almost taste the whiskey on my tongue, hear the ice clink against the glass or listen as the cap unscrewed from the bottle and I poured myself another glass. I felt the tightness in my throat and the itch spread across my palms. As I stared at the back of my hand, I clenched my fist, focusing on the way my veins shifted and my knuckles turned white. _Distract yourself._

My free hand gripped the phone tighter, the pressure in my chest becoming almost suffocating as my thoughts got louder and louder until I found myself standing abruptly and dropping the phone on the couch cushion beside me. "Fuck."

Pushing my hands through my hair in frustration, I glanced back down at the phone, mentally arguing with myself while I glared at the damn thing. I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the way my pulse picked up and the room seemed a little bit smaller. Did I really still even need a sponsor? Or whatever the fuck Kate was. I have my family back. I was only drinking myself stupid because I was so miserable, so completely fucking lost without them. It didn't have to be like that anymore. Maybe I was fine now. For all intents and purposes, I _should_ be fine now. I had no reason not to be. Not really. Maybe I could have a casual drink before dinner just to take the edge off. I knew it was a lie the moment the thought edged its way into my thoughts. I knew it and I hated myself for it.

I found myself moving towards the kitchen and leaning against the doorframe, desperate for the ringing to stop, to hear Bella, to do or see or feel anything. I stood there watching my wife as she snapped a bunch of spaghetti noodles and dropped them all into a big pot of boiling water. I watched the way she relaxed to one side, her left foot crossing over the right while she stood in front of the oven. The red frilly straps of her apron were low around her waist and hung behind her, standing out against the smooth black of her jeans. My racing heartbeat slowed enough that I didn't feel like I was suffocating anymore, and slowly, bit by bit, the ringing in my ears dulled. Just the sight of her relaxed me and I was beyond grateful for it. I moved behind her, my hand grazing her hip before I pressed my chest to her back and dropped a tiny kiss into the hair at the back of her head. The itching in my palms ceased and the burning in my throat subsided until the urge to find a bottle faded away.

"Smells great, should I go get Anthony or do you think he should sleep a little bit more?" I didn't move away from her even though she was hovering over a hot stove. Instead I let her scent wash over me because God knows I needed to calm the fuck down and Bella was always the best way for me to do that. She seemed just as relaxed as I was when her head dipped back and rested against my shoulder. I hadn't realized I was breathing in the smell of her hair until my nose brushed down the side of her neck, just as I didn't realize that my hand had wrapped firmly around her hip, the pads of my fingers pressing against the bone there. I heard the soft breath that escaped her and was instantly flooded with flashes of a better, simpler time behind my eyes.

 _Bella smiling as she wrapped her arms around my neck. Bella pulling me closer so she could reach up and kiss me. Bella pulling me towards our bed. Bella with her head tilted back while I kissed a trail down the center of her chest. Bella breathing my name while I sunk lower, down the front of her body and pushed her thighs apart. The taste of Bel—_

With a gasp of my own, I released my grip on her and pulled back abruptly, afraid of losing myself to yet another weakness. It didn't escape my notice that the desire for a drink was long since replaced by something else. Something better. Something far more addicting. I snapped out of my own thoughts when Bella cleared her throat and spun to face me with a blush on her cheeks, her hands tightening in her little red apron before she pointed upstairs and avoided my gaze directly.

"I still need about twenty minutes before dinner is ready." I smirked as she looked away from me but hid it well by the time she turned back towards my face. At least I wasn't the only one who seemed a little flustered. It felt good to know that even in the midst of everything going on around us, we still had these moments of distraction.

"I'll go get cleaned up and wake up Anthony. We'll be down in twenty." I flashed her a lopsided grin and backed out of the kitchen, appreciating the view of my wife doing something as simple as cooking, the small smile on her face and the hint of a blush fading from her cheeks one last time before I made my way upstairs, feeling a hell of a lot better than I did earlier.

Peeking my head into Anthony's bedroom, I expected to find him still napping but he was sitting up in his bed, his teddy bear perched in his lap as he played with the loose string of thread dangling off the stuffed animals nose. His eyes met mine as I pushed the door open and stepped inside.

"Hey, little man. I hope you're hungry, Mama's making spaghetti, want to come downstairs with me?" He nodded but didn't show any emotion, as was quickly becoming usual, but he also didn't show any signs of being comfortable around me. Not since this morning with that goddamn rabbit incident. I had every urge to light the damn thing on fire but Bella talked some sense into me and decided we should hand it over to Garrett as evidence.

As I lifted Anthony from his bed and carried him downstairs, we walked by a round hanging mirror in the living room so I paused to take in our appearance. Looking at my son through our reflection, I smiled and tried to smooth over his wild, untamed locks and laughed to myself as the mess atop his head matched mine completely. "Let's go get cleaned up for dinner, okay? Maybe we can get dressed up a little for mommy." Anthony flashed me a look of confusion but held onto my neck as we made our way into Bella's bedroom so I could pull a clean shirt from the closet and head into the bathroom.

Anthony sat on the bathroom counter while I pulled my shirt over my head and slapped some deodorant on. "You know, when you were a baby, you used to eat spaghetti with your hands but your mom had to cut it into tiny pieces for you. I think now we should try it like big boys and have a contest to see who can roll the most onto their fork." He didn't say anything, didn't make any faces, but his eyes were on me and everything I did. _Interest. Interest was good._

Another glance in the mirror told me that the stubble on my face had grown past the appropriate length and that I was beginning to look a little scraggly. Anthony watched with intent curiosity as I lathered both my cheeks and jaw with white foam. His nose wrinkled when I took his hand in mine and sprayed a bit of shaving cream into his hand. I couldn't help but laugh. "You want to try?" There was a moment of hesitation but curiosity won over and with a tiny nod, Anthony held his hand up. With a grin, I shook the can and sprayed a little more of the foam into his palm.

I was half shaved and half lathered when Anthony mustered up the courage to poke his finger into the foam and start painting his cheek with it. The sight made my heart swell and I silently wondered to myself if he would ever feel completely safe, without any hesitation around us. I finished my shave and couldn't help but notice the way he watched me with his head tilted to one side, his eyes narrowed in genuine curiosity. He looked just like Bella when he did that.

With a few splashes of hot water, I grabbed the towel and dried off, raising a brow to Anthony before I handed it to him so he could do the same. With a low chuckle, I pulled my wet hands through my hair and did my best to tame it.

"I wish I could tell you that most of your good looks come from your mother, but we both know where that hair came from." I laughed through my smile but Anthony kept watching me, his nose wrinkling as I wet my hand again and pushed it through his wild locks. I grabbed a travel sized comb from one of the vanity drawers and showed it to him.

"This one can be yours. When it's dinner time, we comb our hair, alright? Mom likes that stuff." Flashing an amused smile at my son, I watched as he held his hand up and took it. He didn't say or do anything but he was comfortable enough with me in that moment not to hesitate and that was all I needed. Using my own comb, I pulled it gently through his hair and combed it all to one side, smiling at the outcome.

By the time we heard Bella calling us for dinner, me and my boy were staring at each other through the mirror with matching combed hair. Anthony even showed a hint of a smile through his dimpled cheeks. I wanted the image burned into my memory, replacing the emptiness of the old, bad ones. I stood still for a moment, committing the image to memory and vowing to draw it towards the forefront of my mind every time the urge to drink hit me.

I knew that it would take awhile for our little family to be whole again, but in moments like this, watching my wife light up at the sight of our tamed locks and my son struggle to twirl spaghetti on to his fork, it was hard to believe that anything could have torn us apart. That anything had ever threatened to ruin us completely. It didn't matter how many nights I had to spend on a closet floor convincing my wife that we'd make it through this, didn't matter how many people stood in front of our house waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We were together, and for the first time in a long time, it felt like we were whole, and nothing could take that away.

 **A/N: Sorry for the late update. One of us got a new job, while the other was very busy. We hope you enjoy the chapter. Leave us your questions and we'll try to answer all of them! We love all the reviews and feedback. Have a great week and we'll see you guys next Friday.**

 **Love,**

 **Firefly & Fireheart**


	12. Shallow Breaths

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 _ **Shallow**_ _ **Breaths**_

 **Chapter Twelve**

 **TRIGGER WARNING!**

 **This chapter contains drug use, violence and rape. If you don't want to read it, skip James' POV.**

 **JamesPOV**

Shaking the water from my hands, I don't bother looking up at the mirror. I know what I'd see, and I'd get it in my head that the bitch making all that noise in the room next door wasn't good enough for me. Truth be told, she wasn't, but there had only been one that ever came close to being worthy enough and it had been a long while since I got to bury myself in that.

These days, even the thought of Vicky brought a scowl to my face. Slamming my palms down on the bathroom counter, I stare at the wedding band hanging from a chain against my bare chest. I don't know why I still wore the shit. Victoria hadn't been faithful to me in years and I sure as hell wasn't going to sit by and let my dick die while she went off and tried wife with a new family. No, I'd gotten my dick wet plenty, but I still wore the ring. We weren't even married. Not really. Fucking government officials thinking they can own us? That they can tell us who can and can't be together? I wasn't falling for that bullshit, and Vicky agreed, so we stole a pair of rings off of an old married couple a few years back. They weren't going to be using them for much longer anyway, and Victoria had a thing for diamonds. These days I wore the thing to remind myself of what I was doing, what I was missing. The bitch thought she could take my son and run? She had another thing coming for her.

The muffled screaming and a bang against the wall draws a sigh from my lips at the same time it brings a smile to them. Speaking of bitches… it was about time that I dealt with the one tied up in the shitty Motel 6 closet.

I wasn't a difficult man to please. There were things I wanted, things I expected, and as long as they were dealt with, I didn't give a fuck about much else. When Vicky took our kid and ran, it took three weeks before I tracked her down. I watched her for days, watched her play mommy to our son and wife to a man who couldn't give her half of what I could. That bastard was on my list too, but I had a plan for that. Hair dye and fake smiles didn't hide who she was, and I knew exactly how to strike. I waited until the guy was gone, not that it was much of an effort as he rarely seemed to be around anyway, but taking Ethan was a sure fire way to get Vicky's attention. To get her running back to me so that I could teach her a lesson and show her what happens to bitches that betray me. The carnival was the perfect spot, crowded enough that I could grab the kid without a scene. The plan was to get out without Victoria seeing me, to make her chase us down, but the bitch never did make shit easy.

I didn't feel bad about roughing her up. She deserved it. Fuck, she deserved much worse, but I wasn't going to make it easy on her. Still, it'd been two years of taking care of the fucking brat and she still hadn't found us. I expected better, expected more, and not for the first time, Vicky let me down.

I'd only lasted two weeks before I grabbed a broad off the corner and offered to pay her in heroin to take care of the kid. The crying was driving me up a fucking wall and no matter how much I yelled and threw shit, he never shut up. It was a woman's job any-fucking-way.

Jessica, I think, was her name. Or maybe Jasmine. Either way, she only lasted a few months before she grew attached to Ethan. I couldn't blame her. He was my son, he had my genetics. Eventually she tried to wean herself off the dope, tried to get clean, and with that came one too many questions. I could still hear her bullshit screams as I dragged her through the forest, her mangled blonde hair stained red with blood.

' _He's not even your son, James! You killed your own kid. That one isn't yours! I-I know what happened! The fire, your wife. All of it! You're a sick —"_

I put a stop to that before she could finish her sentence. I didn't know how she'd heard about that, about the dream I had and the fight that broke out the night Vicky and Ethan left, but I'd be damned if she was going to try to take my own blood away from me. Vicky was one thing, but she was nothing but a cracked out whore trying to stir up shit between me and my wife.

Speaking of cracked out whores, the one making the racket in the closet had something coming to her too. Lauren, I think. I asked for one thing, for the kid to be fed and taken care of. I was pissed at Victoria, but I didn't want her to hate me, and not taking care of our son was a sure as fuck way to do that. The bitch raided my jeans while I was asleep and banged a little too much dope, so when I woke up and she was staring at the walls, her breathing wet and shallow, I knew I couldn't leave Ethan with her. Instead, I took him to the bar with me, threw a pack of donuts in his lap and told him not to move until I came back. If we'd been lucky, Lauren would overdose before we got back.

Of course, luck hadn't been swinging my way in quite awhile, and all it took was a jackass at the bar to get a little too cocky and I ended up in a jail cell. I thought that everything would be fine, but I forgot that I left the kid in the car, and by the time I stumbled back into the motel room, Lauren was still alive and Ethan was gone.

I knew without even looking into it where he was. Of course Victoria got her fucking hands on him again. I took my anger out on Lauren, left her lying in a pile of bruised ribs and fractured bones, and when her moaning got too loud I stuck a needle in her arm and hit the plunger until she shut the fuck up long enough for me to think. She'd been tied up ever since, and I'd had my fun playing with Victoria's pathetic excuse for security. Oh, I'd been watching. I'd seen the way she looked at that motherfucker that wanted to play daddy to my family, and I'd seen the way that Ethan wouldn't even look at her. I knew that shit had to fuck her up, so I was content to sit back and watch her misery unfold as she realized how little she knew about our kid.

I knew that every time she looked at him, she saw me, and the asshole walking around her like he knew her, wouldn't be an issue for long. I was going to have fun with that one, but for now, I needed to blow off some steam and get rid of Lauren.

Pushing off of the sink, I smirk at myself in the mirror and justify it with the knowledge of the girls limited life span. The motel room isn't big, so it only takes three strides before I'm flinging the closet door open and pulling Lauren out by her hair. She smelt like piss and shit, and I laughed to myself as she struggled to keep her feet under herself as I tossed her on the floor. I hadn't given her a hit in over three days, and I knew from experience that by now her body would be itchy and sore as a motherfucker. Shame that she couldn't scratch herself, what with the bindings around her wrists.

Those would have to go. The gag too, actually. My pocket knife comes in handy, and a few minutes later the whimpering pile of shit at my feet is unbound. Wrinkling my nose at the smell, My foot shoots out and lands a blow against the bitches ribs.

"You're disgusting. Take a fucking shower."

There's a short scream of pain and a series of coughing that follows, but Lauren manages to pull herself up. She opens her mouth as if she's going to say something, her eyes darting to the needle on the nightstand, but she, fucking wisely, decides to shut the fuck up and listen. She leaves the bathroom door open, but I don't bother sneaking a peek. I'll have my fun shortly. Instead, I snap the hair tie on my wrist and pull my hair up into a ponytail and sit on the side of the bed. My fingers move quickly with practiced movements, and I load up two needles. We don't have any clean ones, but the whore has never minded and I sure as fuck am not going to waste my money on a dead girl walking.

Her shower is quick and she's standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame for support with a threadbare towel tucked around her by the time I'm done. Her eyes fixated on the uncapped needles beside me, and I smirk as she trails them towards me.

"I believe you owe me an apology."

My words cause her hands to tighten on her towel, a movement that I notice the moment it happens. She drops her eyes and nods, her throat clearing in the process. "I'm sorry James. I… I didn't mean to steal from you."

I'm tempted to laugh, but I don't. This went beyond stealing from me, and it was almost funny that she thought that was the problem. Almost.

She fucked up my plans, and I was going to get even for it. Her eyes flick towards the nightstand again, towards the little orange caps tossed on the bed, and I'm suddenly tired of the charade.

"You want a hit?" Before I finish speaking, she's nodding and walking towards me. I let her, in fact, I don't move until her arm reaches out for one of the overloaded needles on the nightstand. My hand reaches out and tightens around her wrist, and I let loose a dry chuckle.

"Not so fast, Lauren. Ethan isn't here anymore, so there's only one way for you to earn your keep. Get on your knees."

She doesn't hesitate, and at least I can give her credit for that. Then again, I'm not surprised. I'd be eager to suck my dick too if I had a pussy.

Her hand shakes as she reaches out and pulls my cock from my jeans, and I know it's from the withdrawal and not nerves, because it sure as fuck wasn't Lauren's first time with my dick down her throat.

It takes awhile for her to get me hard, but the dirty blonde hair is the wrong shade and her staggered breathing is distracting, so I fist a hand in her wet locks and close my eyes as I shove her down deeper. I get there, eventually. Not fully, but enough to appreciate the warmth of her mouth surrounding me.

Her teeth graze my shaft, and I hiss through my lips as they dig in a little too deep. Pulling her off of me, I rear back my hand and let it slap against the side of her face with enough force to break skin. She cries out, and I chuckle deeply as I push her off of me and her towel falls to the floor. She isn't attractive, all skin and bones jutting out at wrong angles. Pale flesh and too much hair, but it doesn't matter. Not right now, anyway. She scrambled back onto the bed, her hand cupping her red cheek with tears in her eyes, but she stops trying to run when I reach for one of the needles. Kicking my jeans off, I put the needle in my mouth, my teeth pinning it in place as I reach for one of Lauren's ankles. She does flinch away, and I run my tongue across the plastic between my teeth as I forcefully yank her back towards me and spread her legs apart. She lays back, her throat bobbing in acceptance, and I don't give her any warning before I shove my cock inside of her. I'm rough, and fast, and my fingers tear at the skin on her rib cage as I slam her body onto me.

I know it hurts, not only because of the withdrawals, but because her face is set in a wince and she's gritting her teeth and clenching her eyes to keep from crying out, and I enjoy every fucking second of it. It isn't until she's crying, begging for me to stop and clawing at the sheets that I pull the needle from my lips. I'm panting, both from excitement and exertion as I grip the bitches arm in my hands, exposing her inner elbow to me. Her veins are fucked, blown out and bruised from overuse, but with this amount of H it won't matter. I shove my dick in a little deeper as I push the needle into her skin, and Lauren groans in pain laced pleasure for the first time since she spread her legs for me as I push the plunger down.

I don't go all the way. Not yet, but I leave the needle in her arm, my fingers holding it in place as I lean forward and drag my tongue across her neck, my dick twitching.

"Does that feel good, baby?"

She whimpers, and I take it as a yes.

"Do you want a little more?"

This time she nods, and I bite down where her neck meets shoulder, hard enough to draw blood as I push the plunger down a little more.

"Say please, little bitch."

Her walls clench around me, and I groan as she stutters out her reply.

"P-please James."

I give her what she wants, and I push the plunger down until it's empty. Tossing the needle aside, I reach for the second and grip Lauren's jaw between my fingers.

The first was enough to cause an overdose, but the whore came close before and pulled through, and I wasn't going to leave any chances this time.

"You ruined everything, you fucking whore, and you deserve every bit of this."

I turn her head to the side, my tongue tracing my bite mark against her flesh as my hand pins her head in place. Her breathing comes out in ragged spurts, and I know she's trying to talk but can't around my grip, so I move quickly, not wanting to miss out on any of the visuals. The jugular vein is much easier to find, and the needle slips past her skin with ease. This time, I shoot the entire dose all at once, fast enough to hurt, and I drop the needle beside her as I move to grip her hips.

I've never fucked a girl while she overdosed, but Jesus fuck was it a ride. Her body started convulsing beneath me mid thrust, and I had to work to keep myself buried inside of her, and even though Lauren was by no means tight, she made up for it with the way her tits bounced around as she started choking on her own vomit. Her body lurched against me, and I dug my nails into her flesh as the sound of skin slapping against skin slowly became the only sound in the room besides my own breathing. I fucked her until her body grew cold, but even then it wasn't anything compared to Vicky.

Even if she went by Bella these days, I'd get her back and I'd teach her how to be mine again. She may be fooling everyone else, but she would never fool me.

 **BPOV**

"Are you sure you have to go? Why can't Jasper meet with you in your office _here_?" My question came out with a hint of a whiny voice and much to Edwards amusement, I simply rolled my eyes and did my best to bite back another attempt at keeping him home.

"Bella, you know what'll happen if Jasper shows up here. Alice will take that as an olive branch and do her best to weasel her way back in and I'm just not ready to see her. I know you aren't either." His voice was sympathetic while his features softened, he knew I didn't want him to leave us alone yet, but I understood his reasons. Not to mention, he wasn't wrong. I had a strong feeling that if his sister showed her face around here anytime soon there would be a family war. He paused for a moment and stepped a little closer, letting his thumb brush against my cheek. Our eyes met and I felt that familiar pull, my hands pressing against his chest on their own accord. "I'll be right back. An hour at the most." With a delicate sigh, I nodded and straightened his tie, our gazes locking once more.

"Just hurry back to us, okay?" My smile was weak but the effort was made. The crooked grin that responded was enough to rattle the emotions I've been trying so hard to keep hidden. My fingers trailed down the length of his tie and smoothed it over with a subtle press against the silver and sapphire tie clip that rested there. A gift from me a few Christmases ago. I smiled at the memory of Edward coming home with a perfectly gift wrapped box; blue with a white bow. The bracelet inside is one I still wear everyday. Sapphires and diamonds on a white gold chain link. Edward always preferred me in all things blue. What once felt like the memory of another lifetime was now a possibility to our new future. Our second chance at everything.

"Always. Besides, you don't have to worry. I've hired our own protective detail. You and Anthony now have personal bodyguards. They'll be here around the clock, take you where you need to go and believe me, they'll do a hell of a lot better job than the Police department." With a nod towards the front door, Edward rolled his eyes but found my questioning gaze.

"Is that really necessary? I mean, all the time?" I couldn't help but wonder if we would ever have a normal day where there were no threats, no police or bodyguards. In all honesty, I would feel safer with them here if Edward had to go back to work, but I had hoped he would take some more time off. He reassured me that he wasn't going to be returning to courtrooms any time soon, but the thought of him being away from us for an entire day set my already frenzied nerves on edge.

"Bella. It's necessary, and it's already done. They'll be here any minute." No sooner than the words came out of his mouth, there was a knock on the door. A sound I was beginning to resent. Edward raised a finger and looked towards the door as he slipped his phone and keys into his pocket.

"I just… I'd rather have you home with us than some strangers watching my every move. At least for a little while, maybe until Jam— _he_ is caught." Swallowing down my nerves at the mere thought of that bastard, I did everything I could to keep the bile from rising in my throat. Edward sensed my unease and threw an arm around my waist, pulling me to his side with a kiss to the top of my head.

"I know, Baby. I don't want you to feel afraid and with some extra resources of our own, I can feel better about those few times that I'll have to leave the two of you here. Just let me protect you and Anthony." His eyes softened and I looked down, mostly to hide the smile that crept onto my lips at the sound of his voice in that moment.

Leaning close to Edward, I tugged on his arm and whispered next to his ear as soft as I could while the front door opened. "You know, I really love it when you call me that." His eyes snapped to mine and while his lips parted, he said nothing as I pulled my lower lip between my teeth and breathed a laugh under my breath at the look on his face. Maybe he didn't realize he had called me that familiar name, or maybe he was surprised that I acknowledged it, but either way, his face was priceless. A throat clearing pulled the both of us out of our moment and our gazes landed on two men at the front door, hands extended to introduce themselves.

"Mr. and Mrs. Masen, I presume?" Edward nodded and extended a hand of his own. The giant of a man moved his attention to me and even though I knew they were here to protect us, I couldn't help but move to stand behind my husband. Both men were dressed in all black clothes from head to toe, their jackets defined by the protective vests they wore underneath, Their presence wasn't as intrusive as I originally assumed it would be, but I still couldn't help the feeling in my gut about my son. I worried that the presence of these two men, these bodyguards, would scare Anthony, or at least become counter productive in his recovery. This was not the time to bring that up to Edward, but I made a mental note to have a conversation with him about it when we had some time alone.

"Edward. This is my wife, Bella. Please, come inside and my wife will show you around the house. I do have to run out for a short time, is there anything else you need from me that we haven't already discussed on the phone?" I watched the two men take in the details of our front entrance and I couldn't help but notice IPad that they were taking notes on as they made their way inside. Edward caught my questioning gaze and hesitated at my raised brow. I knew my husband, and I knew there was something else I didn't know about.

"Sir, we have everything we need, I'm sure your wife can assist us with anything we might require. Are we clear to go ahead with the security system upgrades?" The taller one looked to my husband while the note taker watched me, an awkward smile on his face. I smiled back, welcoming but still uneasy as I watched the exchange between them and Edward. My brows shot up and my arms naturally folded across my chest as I waited for an explanation from my husband. Edward nodded his agreement and ducked his head shamefully to avoid my gaze, but only for a moment.

"It's just some extra precautions, Bella. They'll explain everything and I'll help you learn to use it all when I get home, alright?" With a dip of his head, Edward leaned into me and pressed a quick kiss against my hair and nodded towards our new house guests. My frown was prominent and apparently amusing to Edward as he chuckled his laugh under his breath and headed for the front door. We agreed that when he had to leave the first time, he wouldn't say goodbye to Anthony. We had hoped that by the time Anthony noticed Edward's absence, he would be on his way home already.

"Hurry back to us." I called after him, watching his crooked smile fade as he got into his car and looked a little hesitant to actually leave. I didn't want him to feel anymore guilty than he already did, so with a delicate wave, a soft smile and a slight nod of my head for encouragement, I closed the front door, locking it behind me as I turned back to the two burly gentlemen waiting in my living room.

"Can I get you boys some coffee?" My curiosity peaked when I saw them open some bags and pull out stacks of wires, tiny cameras and little boxes. They both politely declined and kept their focus on their work, documenting everything they did as they took photographs of every newly installed device. My nosying came to a halt when I heard the baby monitor click on, a sure sign that there was movement in Anthonys bedroom. "Excuse me, my son is awake. I'll just be a few minutes." With that, I made my way upstairs, doing my very best not to wonder about every little thing those guys were doing to our home. I trusted Edward.

As I made my way into Anthony's bedroom, I was sure to be extra quiet, just in case he was still sleeping, but as I poked my head in the doorway, I smiled at the scene before me. Anthony was standing next to his bed, laying his teddy bear on the pillow and tucking him in the way I do to him. Once the blankets were pulled up over the bear, Anthony kissed the top of his head and I brought my hand up to cover my mouth so I wouldn't give myself away. I had no chance at stopping the tears that spilled. Even after everything he had been through, all the emotional trauma, abuse, heartache and sadness, my son still had compassion. He was a little boy who wanted not only to love, but to be loved, and no matter how long it takes for him to feel that way with us, he was taking care of his best friend, his teddy bear.

When Anthony turned around and caught me watching him, my smile must've been wide because he looked surprised and a hint of his dimples showed. I knew he wanted to smile too, and it only made my smile widen. With a questioning brow, he pointed towards the stairs. Anthony wanted to go downstairs.

"Are you hungry? You want to go to the kitchen?" A tiny shake of his head and I was laughing through my next question. "You want to go to the bathroom?" An anxious nod and a hint of a smile had me holding my hand out for him. Anthony's feet padded across the floor in a hurry, his hand reaching up for mine as I walked us towards the steps. No matter how many times I could get him to hold my hand, I couldn't contain my happiness each and every time it happened. I knew he was warming up to us, Edward especially, but it still surprised me to see him take my hand so quickly the last couple of days. I would hate to assume, or get my hopes up, but I was starting to think that Anthony liked it here with us.

"Hey, Buddy. What's your name?" Jumping at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, I held onto Anthony's hand a little tighter and smiled down at his questioning gaze. I shot a look to the the two bodyguards and knelt down to whisper to my son that it was okay to be around these two men because they are friends of Mommy and Daddy. Naturally, Anthony was timid, standing behind my leg as we reached the final step. I wasn't comfortable doing this without Edward here, but my worries were short lived. Before I could explain our sensitive situation, I realized that Edward probably already had, and I felt infinitely more relaxed as the conversation progressed.

"I want to tell you something really cool, are you ready?" I raised a brow as one of them dropped to a knee to get down to my son's height and the other kept taking notes as he connected wires and tucked them away through the floor, underneath the moulding strips. "See my friend here?" He pointed towards his partner, waiting for Anthony to acknowledge in his own way, and when he did, he continued. "Me and him? We're friends but we also work for your Mom and Dad, so we work for you too. Do you know what that means?" Anthony shook his head, his little eyebrows furrowed in a way that made him look like an exact replica of Edward. My heart swelled at the thought. "That means, _you're_ the boss!" The smile that radiated off of that man was well practiced, but somehow felt genuine. I hoped it wasn't pity. My eyes found Anthony and when he looked up at me, his brow raised and a hint of a smirk on his face, well, he was more Edward in that moment than he ever had been. I simply laughed under my breath and nodded my agreement.

"So, anytime you want to go outside and play, all you have to do is make sure your mom knows about it, and then tell one of us and we have to come and play with you too, alright? Anything you want to do, you tell us, okay? That's very important." I nodded again, confirming that it was alright to make that deal and I appreciated his way of making sure that my son knew to tell someone before he wandered into the backyard. Even though we have gated property, it didn't guarantee our safety, so I was grateful for him planting the idea. With the threat of James, we had to take every precaution. Anthony was still unsure, but he reached his hand out when his bodyguard waited for a high five. I grinned at the sight and wished Edward had been here to witness it. The thought of my husband had me checking the time. It hadn't even been an hour and I was already anxious for him to come home.

After I got Anthony settled on the living room couch with some cartoons and a snack, one of the men came over to me. I had already forgotten his name, and he handed me something that looked like an iPad, just bigger. "What's this?" My voice was shy, unsure of whatever device they handed me, but I had a feeling this was the work of my husband.

"This is just one of the devices that control your home security system, your husband will have another one, we will have one and there will be a wall mount at the entrance door. From this tablet, you can lock the doors from inside or outside the house, from up to five miles away. You'll have access to a live stream or recording from any and all cameras installed on the property and you'll be able to listen to the audio as well. If you're ever in trouble, there's a panic button and it will alert all other devices simultaneously, as well as the police." As I listened to all his instructions, I couldn't help but wonder if we had all these gadgets from the beginning, would we have ever went through any of it? It was dangerous for my mind to go there, so I forced myself to stay in the present, take it all in, and hope that I would remember how to use all of these things.

"I appreciate you showing all of this to me, but I'll probably have more than a few questions when I have to use it." He laughed and nodded his head, smiling over at Anthony as he ate Cheetos and watched his afternoon cartoons. Just as I was about to pull out my phone and send a text to Edward, I heard his car pull into the driveway. I was off the couch and at the front door before he even got out of his car, and when he caught sight of me waiting for him, he paused and flashed his famous crooked grin. It was the smile that made me fall in love with him all those years ago.

"Welcome home." My voice was soft, but confident. Edward leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cheek before he made his way inside, his smile growing even wider the moment Anthony waved at him from his spot on the couch, his little fingers orange from the cheetos. "We're watching Mickey Mouse and I'm learning all about the new cameras and screens we had installed all over the house." Edward flashed an awkward grin and scratched at the scruff of his jaw while he watched me.

"I think it's a good idea, for now, until we get everything taken care of, and I know privacy is a huge thing. I just.." I waved my hand and pulled Edward close enough to m so that I could whisper in his ear, without Anthony overhearing.

"I think it's a good idea too, I'm glad you did it." My smile was genuine, my cheeks tinged pink as Edward smiled down at me and for the second time today, I found that he was staring at my mouth. My natural instinct was to lick my lips in anticipation, even though I knew Edward wouldn't kiss me. Not yet anyway.

"So, you're not mad?" He looked a little surprised but relieved al the same. I shook my head and eyed our son sitting on the couch.

"No, I'm not mad. You're keeping us safe." My voice was still low enough so that only Edward could hear me and in that moment, when his eyes met mine, I felt the tension between us. I had felt it plenty times before during our close encounters, but it was growing stronger as the days and weeks passed. I wasn't sure how much restraint Edward had, but I was finding myself struggling to keep my hands off of him. We hadn't even kissed, not once since he'd come back, but I was already wondering how much longer he would want to stay on the couch. I thought about it a few times, how I would approach the subject with him, but I decided I would just wait for Edward to make the first move. I knew he was right to want to take things slow, and I agreed completely and trusted that we would find our way back to each other in time, but I couldn't help but wish it was happening a little bit faster sometimes.

"Always." His voice was hoarse, raspy enough to recognize the intent behind it and I couldn't help but suck in a sharp breath, my hand immediately resting against his forearm as we instinctively started leaning towards one another. A cleared throat had us pulling apart before we could get lost in the moment, my cheeks burning with my embarrassment.

"Sir, when you're ready, I'd like to go over the security update with you and your wife. We can sit in the kitchen, we have everything set up and all the computers ready to be transferred to your home office."

"That's fine, we'll be there in a minute." Edward's tone was clipped, I took a little satisfaction in knowing that he was a little flustered too and silently hoped that our new friends wouldn't be making it a habit to interrupt us. My gaze found the floor as I stepped away from him and did my best to hide my blush from our new somewhat annoying bodyguards, but as I started to walk away, Edward grabbed me by the wrist to keep me there. My eyes found his, questioning as I stepped closer to him.

"Bella, wait." His voice was softer now, maybe even a little nervous. I stepped closer but he never let go of my wrist, he just pulled me in tighter, his other hand reaching behind my back, resting low as he all but whispered his words.

"What is it?" I asked as he took a half step closer, his chest now pressing close to mine.

"I was thinking it's been a while since we've all been home and I was wondering if maybe we could have a _date?_ Just the two of us, maybe dinner and a movie?" His eyes flicked to where Anthony sat on the couch before he finished talking. "I know we said we would take things slow, and I still want to, I mean, if it's too soon…" I interrupted his worrying by brushing my thumb across his bottom lip, my smile soft as I whispered my words back to him.

"I want to. We should have a date night, but I don't want to leave Anthony with anyone." Before I could get the words out, Edward was shaking his head in agreement.

"No, me either, we could have it here at home. We can cook dinner together, get all fancied up, have some wine, watch a movie on the couch? Maybe over the weekend?" I wondered to myself if Edward could still have just a couple glasses of wine after developing the habit he had, but I found myself nodding with a smile, unable to hold it back.

"That sounds perfect." We both smiled as Edward laced our fingers together and we made our way into the kitchen to see all the new techy toys these men had to play with. I flashed a smile to Anthony as he furrowed his brows at the TV, watching with wild curiosity as Mickey and Friends sang the hot dog song. Our home was safer, our family was a little happier, and that was all I could ask for while we dealt with the dark cloud looming all around us. I didn't know what would happen tomorrow or the next day, but I knew we were headed in the right direction. All of us. Together.

 **A/N: We are so sorry that it took us a while longer to update Still Breathing. We have been busy, sick, working, and just all around chaotic but we aren't going anywhere! Thank you for your patience, your epic reviews, kind words, questions and support. We hope you all stick with us, we appreciate all of you. A huge shoutout to all of our readers, we love you guys.**

 **Alyce, this one was for you.**

 **So, a date night for Edward and Bella? What do you guys think?**

 **And James? Let us know!**

 **All our love,**

 **Fireheart & Firefly**


	13. Making Memories

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 **Making Memories**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

 **EPOV**

My nerves were all over the place. I hadn't realized just how out of practice I had been the last two years, not that it was previously a priority to entertain these kinds of thoughts. It felt like I was seventeen again, constantly finding myself daydreaming about kissing Bella. It feels like such a long time ago, maybe even another lifetime entirely.

Bella and I had dated for a few years before we were married and intimacy had never been a challenge for us. It was as easy as breathing to be with her, to do things that make her happy. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, and I was always looking for new ways to impress her. Not that I ever really needed to. Bella loved me without any of it. Even knowing that, after all these years, I was still nervous to court my wife. It might seem like a ridiculous notion, seeing as we're already married, but I couldn't help how nervous I felt about preparing for our upcoming date night. I hadn't thought too much about exactly how long it had been since the last time we were intimate, but now that it was a possibility again, I was suddenly feeling a bit self conscious.

To say I was rusty in the romance department was an understatement. Work had become so busy before that carnival that it had been longer than I'd like to admit that I'd done anything out of the blue for Bella. I knew I wanted to give her something on our date, I just wasn't sure what that was exactly. Chocolate truffles with raspberry filling were a sure thing, they're her favorite. I would show up with some flowers, probably tulips. I wanted to give her a gift, not to buy her affections, but to let her know how much I appreciate everything about her. To help her realize that we could do this again. Most of all I wanted to show her that I appreciate how she held our little family together with the hope that gave us our son back, and gave us back to one another. It's an extraordinary thing, to have a second chance at life, especially with the two most important people that I was so convinced I had once lost forever. Bella's faith never wavered.

I smiled to myself as I thought of Bella, the vision of her moving around the house earlier today while she cleaned up and played with Anthony during his morning cartoons. My wife is stunning, she always has been, and I'd missed the sight of her fluttering around the house more than anyone would ever understand. It was the little things that I'd thought of in the darkest times. How she looked doing the dishes, classical music playing in the background and our son slamming his toy car against the hardwood floor at her feet. She'd let out a soft giggle and wipe the hair from her face with the back of her hand as she swayed her hips from side to side. The memory was one that I'd seen so many times, but for once, replaying it didn't make my heart clench. I had them back, and I was still just as wildly in love with her as I had been. She still gives me butterflies when she speaks with that soft voice only she could pull off. She still makes my palms sweat when I catch sight of her doing the little things she doesn't even realize she does, like biting her lip when she's confused or lost in thought, or the way her fingers knot themselves in my shirt when she wants me closer. I still find myself staring at her like I've never tasted her perfect lips, like I want to devour her for the first time. I still want her like I've never had her before and it's always been that way. Watching her move around the house entices not only my deepest, darkest desires, but awakens my very soul. Even the meager habits, like the way she smiles at me before she ducks into what was now solely her bedroom for the night or something as simple as letting her hair down when she thinks I'm not looking. I can't get her off my mind even in the midst of the astronomical level of fuckery going on around us on a constant basis. She's the most delicious distraction I'll ever know, but more than that, she was the other half to my soul.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to give Bella until I found myself staring at my favorite picture of her. There's this black and white candid photo of Bella on my desk, one I was grateful to have seen once I moved back into the house. I missed it, and I thought of it quite frequently over the last year. Hell, I spent hours staring at a ceiling begging my shitty memory to recreate it. That's when it hit me. I was almost bewildered that I hadn't thought of the idea already. So I spent the last four hours holed up in my office, browsing the internet and educating myself on the best camera equipment on the market. Bella is a phenomenal photographer and I knew she would never buy something expensive for herself, especially not now. She knows full well that everything I have is also hers and she can have whatever she wants but she's a bit humble when it comes to spending, and with the uneven ground we were on, there wasn't a chance in hell she would feel okay touching any of it. Hell, there was a day when her income alone would have provided for us. Photography became more than a hobby for her at some point. I, on the other hand, enjoy splurging. Especially when it comes to my family.

After a few hours of searching, I found the perfect camera. It was a special edition, one of a kind, Canon Mark V with a complete set of attachments, extra lenses and two brand new tripods. I even found a set of crystals for some of that fancy lens photography she likes to shoot landscapes with. I was adding all of the items to a shopping cart when I heard a gentle wiggle of the door handle to my office. Looking up from my computer screen, I stared at the doorway, waiting to see Bella standing there as the door swung open but laughed to myself when I had to look a little further south.

"Hey, little man! Want to come in and see something cool?" I grinned wide as I watched Anthony tilt his head to the side, his little fingers swiping at his bangs to push them out of his eyes. With a small nod, he walked over towards my desk and lifted his arms so I would lift him up. My heart swelled at the sight. He still wasn't completely comfortable and didn't trust us enough to speak again, but he was getting there and it was perfect. Rosalie was onto something when she said that he just needed to realize that he was safe all on his own.

As I lifted my son into my lap, I pointed to the screen and showed him the all black, matte finish camera and whispered into his ear. "This is going to be for Mommy. What do you say we get a big bow and put it on top for her?" A mischievous smile on his face and an eager nod had me laughing under my breath. "Okay, I'll order them and then we can go for a ride and pick them up. What do you think? You want to come with me?"

There was a moment of hesitation in his eyes but when he looked up at me, his little nose wrinkled in thought, I was floored at the resemblance to Bella. Anthony flashed one of his dimpled, half smiles and very slightly shrugged his shoulders. It was good enough for me. I placed the order for pickup and knew I had a few hours before I could show up at the store to get Bella's gifts so I thought maybe we could stop at the playground around the corner first. Have some father son bonding time. I didn't want him to feel like the safety he was coming to know was solely in the house. I'd never let anything happen to him again. Just as Anthony reached for something shiny on the surface of my desk, my eyes shot to the doorway where Bella poked her head in.

"There you are! I was looking everywhere for you. I thought you wanted some milk and cookies from the kitchen." Her eyes met mine and I felt that familiar pull. Her hair was half up and half down, messy but not. Her yoga pants were tight enough that I could trace her curves with my eyes. She wore a cropped white shirt, showing only a hint of skin just above her belly button, and the necklace her rings were on was peeking through the top next to her collarbone. When she found my intense gaze, her cheeks turned a shade of pink I've only ever seen on her. It was becoming more and more of a challenge to keep my hands to myself. I wanted to be a gentleman, but she was making it damn near impossible to keep my thoughts clean.

"We were just planning a little something. Mind if we head out on a boys only mission this afternoon?" I saw the hesitation flash in her eyes but it was gone as fast as it appeared. I knew she would be a little hesitant to let Anthony out of her sight, but I also knew we had to jump over the line of comfort. Rip the bandaid off, so to speak. Bella wouldn't be able to continue to be around Anthony twenty-four seven forever, so I thought quick and easy trips together would help ease her into it. I knew my wife enough to know that the fear would never go away, but we had to start somewhere.

"That would be great. We just have to wait until Garrett shows up for that sit down, the one with the bar owner." Her gaze flashed towards Anthony and I nodded my head, already knowing that the meeting could swing either way. Rosalie made herself available and promised she was only a phone call away if Anthony didn't take seeing the bar owner very well. There was always the chance that he wouldn't recognize him at all. Bella lingered in the doorway for a moment, offering me one of those crooked smiles, the kind reserved just for me. I returned it with a hint of a smirk and winked quickly, thoroughly enjoying the way her cheeks flushed once again. I couldn't help that my gaze fell to watch the sway of her hips as she turned for the hallway, holding her hand out for our son. "Anthony? Milk and cookie time?"

It wasn't long before Garrett knocked on the door, a giant of a man standing beside him. Bella was wiping cookie crumbs off the counter, and Anthony was down for his nap, teddy bear in tow when I opened the door and led them inside. I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face if I tried. I had my little family back, and our morning had been everything I'd ever dreamed of having again. My wife and I had a date tonight, and even the small reminder that there were things we still needed to get past wasn't going to ruin that. Garrett's smile was genuine as he clapped me on the shoulder.

"Edward. You look good, man." My answering smile said more than my words could, and my eyes cut towards the kitchen as Bella moved towards us, wiping her hands on a dish towel before setting it aside.

"Garrett! And you must be Mr. McCarty." Bella's voice was soft as I pulled her against my side and reached a hand out towards the man standing in our living room. I owed him more than he would ever know.

"Aw, Miss, Mr. McCarty was my father. I'm just Emmett." A grin stretched over his face as he took my hand in his and I cleared my throat as I gave it a squeeze and pulled back.

"Well, just Emmett, my wife and I owe you everything. We can't thank you enough for what you did." Emmett shook his head, his hand going up to scratch at the back of it.

"I just did what anyone would have done. I wish I would've seen the little guy sooner, but I'm damn glad I did. This entire situation is insane, and I just wanted to check on him. He was so quiet when I found him, I wasn't sure… I just haven't been able to get it out of my head, you know?"

Before I could reply, Bella slips out of my arms and takes a step towards Emmett, a small smile playing at her lips. She doesn't ask, she doesn't even hesitate, she just closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around him. If Emmett is caught off guard, he doesn't show it, his arms coming up to hug her back as her small voice breaks the silence. "Thank you for caring."

Emmett tears up a little, and I almost feel bad for the guy. Bella was pure, and she had a way of pulling back the mask. The guy never stood a chance. "Do I smell cookies?"

Garrett let's out a chuckle and slaps Emmett on the back, and Bella pulls back with a soft laugh. We end up in the kitchen, and Emmett is piled with cookies while we talk. It doesn't take long before we realize that there isn't anything he knows that we have yet to discover, and Garrett doesn't have any new leads on James' whereabouts. I find that it doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would. We were happy, and James would get what was coming to him soon enough. Bella didn't know it yet, but I'd hired someone to track him down, and if the police couldn't do it, I had faith that Jenks could. We moved onto other topics, and I found myself actually enjoying Emmett and Garrett's company. If nothing else, this would end with new friends. Our family was getting a fresh start.

The sound of little feet padding down the stairs had our conversation dying, and Bella jumped out of her chair to meet our son, a sight that made my lips twitch into a smile that waited for what seemed like a lifetime to finally appear.

There was a little bounce in Anthony's step as he curled into Bella and a tiny dimpled grin as he looked over at me but it soon faded when he took in the size of Emmett. His little brows furrowed and his eyes searched between Bella's and mine, confused and a little afraid. Bella sensed his discomfort and flashed an apologetic smile towards Emmett but I was more concerned with what my son was feeling rather than being polite. I stood quickly, crossing the room to where Anthony had hidden behind my wife's leg and dropped to my knees beside him.

"These are our friends, Anthony. It's okay, you don't have to be afraid. Garrett is a police officer. He helps people. He helped us find you. And that's Emmett. Do you remember him? He's the one who found you and because of him, you're home safe with me and Mommy again." I watched as his little eyes roamed the both of them, still weary, but he paused on Emmett, and after a moment, he looked up at Bella and chewed on his bottom lip, a trait he gets from his mother, and gave me a determined little nod. I watched with uncertainty as he let go of Bella's leg and stepped out in front of me. His little hand came up to grab mine and he looked up at Emmett as I got to my feet. For a heartbeat, there was nothing but silence and just as I was about to direct the conversation away from Anthony, give the guy a little break from the stares he was getting, he dropped my hand and ran full force towards the mass of a man in front of us. With an energy I didn't know he had, Anthony wrapped his arms around Emmetts legs and hugged them tight, his face turned and eyes squeezed shut. I heard a gasp and chanced a glance at Bella, whose eyes were welling with tears, her hand half raised to cover her mouth.

Emmett dropped down to his knees, his arms coming up to hug Anthony back, and then a little voice rang out in the room, and my heart constricted in my chest at the sound. "Thank you, Mister. For finding me."

We spent the next half an hour or so sitting around the kitchen island watching our son smile for what felt like the first time since he'd been back. Garrett was filling us in on updates with the case, but neither Bella nor I were paying him as much attention as we should be. Instead, we were turned towards the sight on the kitchen floor, where Emmett was sprawled out on his stomach, a bright yellow dump truck in his hand and our son sitting criss cross in front of him with two toy dinosaurs battling it out. Bella hadn't stopped crying, but the silent tears streaming down her face were, for once, from a place of joy. Her fingers were intertwined with my own and I gave them a soft squeeze as she moved to stand, her hand dropping mine as she fumbled for her phone to silence the vibration that had started.

Garrett paused in his talking as Bella left the room, and Emmett looked up from where he was laying with a frown on his face. He must've been paying more attention to Garrett than we had been, because the look on his face was reminiscent to how I felt when I first learned about James. I knew Bella was just going to let Rosalie in, that she had called her the moment she could collect her thoughts, and I raked my hand through my hair as my wife tiptoed back into the room, Rosalie following behind her. I wasn't sure about how I felt about her being here. Couldn't our son have a moment to enjoy himself without another stranger interrupting him?

They stopped at the doorway, and Anthony's giggle had me turning away from them as Garrett said his goodbyes. I'd call him later for the update he was giving us, but for now, I had more important things to focus on. I'd long since learned my lesson when it came to cherishing moments like this.

Emmett was doing flips with the dump truck, and even though his face looked a little troubled, Anthony was living for it. I wanted to get down on the floor and play with them, but I didn't want to ruin the bubble they had going on. It was clear that this guy, Emmett, had earned Anthony's trust more than anyone else had been able to, and I knew we owed him more than he would ever know.

"Hey, little dude, do you have any little army guys? I think they're my favorite." Anthony paused in his dinosaur takeover and tilted his head, his face scrunched up as if he was thinking really hard for a moment before dropping everything and running upstairs. Emmett grinned, and without standing, he turned to face me. "That's one awesome kid you've got there."

I turned towards the sound of feet disappearing upstairs, a small smile playing at my mouth. "Yeah, I know. How he can… Listen, Emmett, I have to thank you. He hasn't played like this since… well, he just —" I fumbled over my words, trying and failing to express what was happening.

"Edward, I get it. I do. I saw the kid that night. I've been worried, and I'm glad to see him acting like a kid. From what I've heard, he deserves it." Emmett shook his head, the frown disappearing from his face as he pushed the toy truck in front of him. "Besides, I'm stuck now. There's no getting rid of me. The little guy and I are best buds. And If I ever see that James guy again…"

"You're welcome anytime, Emmett." Bella's voice made me jump. I'd forgotten she and Rosalie were standing by the door watching. "I mean that. This is Rosalie, Anthony's psychologist."

Rosalie stepped around the kitchen island, the polite smile on her face falling as she took in the sight of Emmett sprawled across the floor with toys around him.

"You have got to be kidding me."

I looked towards Bella in confusion, but she seemed just as lost as I was. Emmetts laughed resonated across the kitchen, his face stretching into a grin. "Rosie! It's like fate, baby."

"You two know each other?" My question seemed redundant, but when they both moved to answer me, the sound of tiny footsteps running down the stairs had us all turning our heads towards the living room.

Anthony came crashing into the kitchen and skidded to a stop in front of Emmett, his face covered in a grin and the hem of his shirt tucked up to his chin. When he let it fall, a dozen little green army men rained down against the tile floor.

"Aw, now this is what I'm talking about, little dude!"

An hour later, Rosalie jumped up from her seat where she'd been just as transfixed on the sight of Emmett and Anthony as we had been. It was clear she was making a hasty retreat, with promises to call us to talk about what had happened, but Emmett was clearly not having any of it. Laughing to myself, I pulled Bella into my side and watched as Emmett promised Anthony he'd come back to play with him again and darted out the door after her. We'd exchanged numbers earlier, and after awkwardly skirting around his offer to meet up for a beer sometime, with Bella's gaze staring holes into the side of my head, we settled on a promise of a backyard cookout out when things settled down.

"Well. That was something." Bella laughed, and I squeezed her hip in silent agreement as the happiness danced in her eyes. "You two better head out for your secret boys only mission. I don't want you out when the sun goes down."

I could see the worry written on her face with the way she chewed her lip, so I gave her a small smile and brushed my fingers across her cheek. "We'll be quick, Bella. We're just running some errands and stopping at the park."

I thought about mentioning that we'd have guards following us, but I didn't think the reminder of danger would be a welcome one. She took a breath and nodded, and I dropped my hands and stepped back as she moved to put Anthony's shoes on for him. She hovered with his jacket, and I smiled and shook my head. It was eighty degrees out, but with a promise to take it with us in case it got cold, we were out the door and on our way.

Well, sort of. It took a solid ten minutes to figure out the car seat in the back, but we managed, and a glance in my rear view mirror showed that Anthony was perfectly happy looking out the window with his bear on his lap. I let out a small sigh of relief. I was worried that leaving the house would be a big deal to him, but I was wrong. A fact that he proved when we got to the store and picked up our camera order from customer service. We spent a good fifteen minutes packing it together in the gift box, and even though it took awhile to get everything to fit, we did it without anyone's help and then spent another five minutes learning what a high five is.

Picking out candy was easy but the flowers proved to be a challenge. The selection wasn't nearly as good as I had hoped, but Anthony helped me pick out some semi-decent tulips.

We were in the checkout lane and Anthony was eyeing the candy section when my eyes landed on a small packet buried in the options. Smirking, I grabbed two of them and shot Anthony a wink. If he thought a high five was cool, he was going to love this.

By the time we made it to the park, I knew we were running low on time. Still, we had a little while to run around together. I helped Anthony out of the car and he handed me the candy I'd passed him, and when we made it to the swings, I knelt down and ripped one open and poured a small amount of Pop Rocks into his hand. He looked confused, so rather than explain that he was supposed to eat them, I poured some into my hand and threw them into my mouth.

I kept my mouth closed, as I didn't want to ruin the surprise, and watched as Anthony tossed the candy into his mouth like I had. It only took a second, but his eyes turned wide and he jumped, his mouth falling open as the candy popped and cracked against his tongue. Opening my mouth to show him that mine was doing the same, I laughed at the wild look of confusion on his face, as if he wasn't sure if he liked the mysterious candy or not. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before making up his mind, and a smile broke out against his face and he let out a round of giggles. When the popping stopped and our tongues were stained blue, we took another handful and started over again, and every time the popping started, I'd make a shocked face and point at my mouth and Anthony would laugh like it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

After awhile, we ran out of candy, and the swings didn't entertain Anthony nearly as much as Pop Rocks did, so we called it quits and headed home before the sun could set. He hadn't spoken since he'd thanked Emmett, but the smile on his face and the way he hugged his bear on the drive back to the house said more than enough for me.

Bella was waiting by the door when we got home, wringing her hands together anxiously, but the moment she saw that we were covered in smiles and residual candy, her shoulders loosened and she sank to her knees to give Anthony a hug, sticky hands and all. I gave her a wink and snuck away as she led Anthony into the bathroom to wash his hands, letting her have her moment with him.

I wasn't sure my heart could be any happier than it already was, and I still had a date with his mom to look forward to.

 **Authors note:**

 **Life caught up with us so we had to step back from FF for a little while, but don't worry! None of our stories are abandoned. We have quite a few things in the works for you guys.**

—

 **It's about time they got a little bit of happiness, don't you think? Now let's just cross our fingers and hope they can hold onto it…**


	14. You are the reason

_**Disclaimer: We do not own twilight. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated or affiliated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**_

 **Still Breathing**

 **You Are The Reason**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

 **EPOV**

I was standing in the hallway, my back pressed against the wall and my face covered in a smile that I couldn't fight off if I tried. The sounds coming from the bathroom, the giggles of my wife and son as they splashed around, were… everything. I never wanted to go another day without hearing moments like this.

The water cut off, and I pushed myself off the wall and snuck away before Bella could catch me. I took the time to jump in the shower, knowing I only had about an hour before my date with Bella, and I wanted everything to be perfect. I picked up the white tulips Anthony and I picked out and looked and added a black bow around the bunch before I carefully laid them across the bathroom counter next to the box Anthony and I had packed at the store. It was simple, a white box with a sleek black bow on top, but Bella liked simple. I didn't want Bella to find them before I was ready, so keeping the, in the bathroom with me sounded like a good plan.

I took my time in the shower, my mind wandering back over the memories of so long ago, when Bella and I first started dating. If it was possible, I was even more nervous now. I was definitely out of practice, and even though I wasn't expecting anything, in the honor of taking things slow, I was still taking care of all my pre date rituals. Which included a power shower, manscaping and relieving some much needed built up pressure, thanks to the inability to touch my wife. It wouldn't have been such a problem if every little thing she did didn't drive me crazy. I'd never been so sexually tense in my life.

When I stepped out of the shower, the bathroom instantly fogged up, covering the mirrors with steam. I wrapped a towel around my waist and scrubbed a hand over the slight scruff of my jaw. It wasn't sloppy enough to shave but I knew Bella liked to feel it a little rough. I hoped more than anything I'd, at the very least, be able to feel her delicate fingers there. It was selfish to want to kiss her so soon, but I was still a man, and I was desperately in love with that girl.

Pushing my hands through my hair, I added a little pomade, creating some kind of messy look that showed that I at least tried to tame it. I slapped on some after shave and brushed my teeth before I was ready to head over to the closet to grab some clean, casual but date-like clothes. When I pulled the door open, I wasn't expecting to run into Bella in the narrow hallway. I couldn't help but chuckle my laugh as her eyes fell to the towel that hung low on my hips.

"Bella." It was a smirked greeting, one I knew flustered my bashful little wife. I watched as she let her eyes roam slowly, saying nothing as her cheeks tinged pink. Her throat cleared and when she tried to speak, there was a crack in her voice.

"I'm sorry, I was just going to grab some clean towels for the other bathroom." Her eyes darted away from my hips and she pointed towards the closet at the end of the hall. I smirked again at her reaction and leaned lazily against the frame of the bathroom door. My eyes following her every move.

"So, you're getting ready for our date then?" An obvious question, but I wanted to see more of that adorable blush on her cheeks and I knew just how to get it. Bella stumbled over her own feet as she pressed a hand against the closet door and I couldn't help but lick my lips at the way her back arched when she braced herself. She took a moment and shook her head, probably clearing her thoughts as she sucked in slow, loose breath.

"Of course. I see you're doing the same." I almost laughed under my breath but I was enjoying seeing her like this too much. Instead, I watched as she pulled the closet door open and stretched up on her toes to reach the top shelf. I wasn't sure if she did it on purpose but my mouth practically watered as her shirt lifted just enough to let the smallest glimpse of soft, ivory flesh peek through over the top of her very black, very tight leggings. My feet were moving before my brain had a chance to catch up.

"Let me help you with that." As I closed the distance between us, I pressed one hand to the small of her back while the other reached to the top shelf, pulling two perfectly folded towels from the pile. As I lowered the towels into her hand, my nose buried itself gently in her hair, breathing her in. My hand slipped from her back down to the back of her thigh, just barely grazing the soft material as it clung to her skin. I could swear I heard my name from her lips but it was so soft I likely imagined it.

With a breathy word of gratitude, Bella turned slowly to face me and I watched as her eyes moved up from my torso to my face, the fire in her eyes all too familiar. I was sure I would give in to the weakness in that moment but I once again reminded myself that I needed to do it right. _Distract yourself._

Clearing my throat, I flashed my wife a little smirk and handed her the towels, licking my lips slowly as I watched her bite her own and stepped to the side so she could slip passed me and go get ready for our date. And when she walked away, I watched her hips sway the entire way down the hall, taking my nerves with her. I knew my wife, and I was more than ready to have her back by my side. This was right. _We_ were right.

I knew this was a night for us, and only us, but I couldn't help myself. I dressed quickly, knowing exactly what I wanted to wear. It was a little warm out for a sweater, but it was the shade of green that made Bella look at me with that soft little look in her eye. I pushed the sleeves up and snuck down the hall and into Anthony's room.

"Hey, little guy." We still made it a point not to say his name. It was a battle for another day, and one that Rose would likely be a part of. "You remember that gift we got Mommy? What do you say we get dressed up and give it to her?"

His little nod warms my heart, and we spend the next ten minutes making a mess of his perfectly organized clothes. This was Bella's domain, and it took us awhile, but eventually we came up with a shirt in the same shade as mine, and the way Anthony smiled when we stood in front of the mirror and realized that we matched made my heart do a funny little twist. He helped me comb his hair to the side and I laughed when he tried to carry the box by himself. It was a little too big for him, so we made a deal. He'd help me spy on Bella and see if she was ready, and I'd carry the box. We shook on it, and the little laughter that fell from his mouth when we peeked around the corner of my bedroom like ninjas was… everything. I knew Bella heard us, but it didn't matter. I'd only caught a glimpse of white, but I knew she was dressed, and that was enough for us to make our getaway. Laughing, we ran down the stairs together, and after a few minutes of setting up the table and lighting a candle, I handed Anthony the tulips and we stepped onto the porch. I showed him the doorbell and he flashed his little dimpled grin when he pushed it, and I stayed kneeling next to him until the door was pulled open. I stood up, and the sight that greeted me took my breath away.

The white sundress was beautiful, but it paled in comparison to the girl who wore it. Her hair was down, soft curls against alabaster skin, and as my gaze dropped, I let loose a breath when I caught sight of her wedding rings back in their rightful place. They still looked a little loose, but they fit, and they were where they belonged. Still, the best part was the smile on her face as she bent down to take the flowers from our son. She was flawless. She was happy, and when she looked up at me, there wasn't a trace of sorrow in her eyes.

She was my Bella.

A clear of my throat and I finally found my words. "You look beautiful.." my voice was barely a whisper, more stunned that anything else. I wasn't surprised she looked so beautiful, she was always beautiful. It was her smile that did it, pure happiness. After all this time, Bella smiled. And she meant it. It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

"What's all this?" The excitement in Bella's voice pulled me back to the moment and I smiled down at Anthony while he held up the white tulips. My wife's eyes met mine and she flashed that little dimpled grin that I could never resist. With a pat to Anthony's back, I nudged him forward so he would hug his mother and the sight warmed me deep down to my soul. I could swear he wrinkled his nose but he smiled up at her anyway and then wiped his cheek when she kissed it. I couldn't help but laugh.

"We also have a little present for you." I offered the box and arched an eyebrow, flashing a hint of a smirk as my wife wrapped her hands around the box. Her eyes were on mine as Anthony bounced in place waiting for her to open it. The little black bow was twirled between her delicate fingers and for a moment, my impatient mind went to another place. I was suddenly very curious to know what my wife was wearing under that little white dress.

"A present! For me?" Her voice once again snapped me back to the moment and I realized I was still standing outside as Bella turned into the house, Anthony in tow as she sat on the edge of the couch to open the white box.

"I.. we just wanted to give you something to make you smile." I scratched at the back of my neck, suddenly nervous and hoping that I picked something good. I wasn't exactly photography savvy but I knew the price tag had to be an indication of good quality. Her gasp of breath was all the confirmation I needed. I felt better instantly and smiled as she pulled the box all the way open.

"Edward! This is too much.." Before I could say it could never be enough, Bella started mumbling something to herself about the lens, the shutter and the soft groove of the dials. I chuckled my laugh under my breath and she stopped her examination to look up at me, red cheeks and bright eyes. "It's so beautiful. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure. I hope you enjoy it everyday." I knew she would. Bella was talented and I couldn't wait to see what she'd do with it.

The next hour or so went by quickly. Too quickly for my own liking. Our house guests, as my wife liked to refer to them as, knew to make themselves scarce this evening so we didn't have to worry about being interrupted by awkwardness.

Bella and I stood side by side at the kitchen island, preparing and cooking dinner together while we polished off a couple glasses of wine. I was initially worried that I shouldn't have any, but I felt calm with Bella. I can handle a few glasses of wine.

We laughed, we talked and we had a few moments where we could just get lost in one another and it was absolutely what I needed. Every now and then Anthony would laugh as he watched his cartoons and he stole some raw carrots when he thought we weren't looking.

I watched the way Bella's hips swayed as she moved around the kitchen. I know she caught my eyes on her more than once and just when I thought I couldn't take much more, she pulled the freezer door open and bent over so slowly that I watched the icy air send a trail of goosebumps up her arms and as I started moving towards her, she told and turned to face me, her white dress almost see through as the cold air touched her skin.

Even as my eyes pierced into hers, I could see two perfectly taut nipples harden under the thin fabric of her dress. I closed the distance between us and just as the freezer door closed behind her, I had her by the hips as her back pushed up against it. Bella sucked in a breath but I kept my eyes on hers. It would be so easy to give in. The smell of her hair, her perfume on her neck, the low neckline of her dress, showing just enough but not enough at the same time. The high hem of her dress as it hugged her thighs and the way she bit down on her bottom lip, it was too much. I needed to feel her. _Distract yourself._

"Kiss me." Her voice was so soft, so perfect and so breathless. I blinked at the realization of her words.

"What?" My own voice was foreign. Rough, low and raspy from the lust filled stupor I was currently drowning in.

"Edward, please.. just kiss me." I felt more than heard the desperation in her voice. I watched as she let her hands reach behind her to brace herself against the refrigerator doors. I could see the hollow of her throat bob with every hard swallow. My grip tightened on her hips and I leaned closer, my hips pressing against her. I could feel the heat between us and tried to ignore where it was coming from.

"We're taking things slow, Bella." Even I didn't believe the words that just escaped my mouth as I stared into her eyes. She started to pant her breaths and I licked my lips in anticipation. One of my hands slowly moved up her side, my fingers wrapping around her while my thumb brushed just under her breast.

"Edward.." Her voice was enough to drive me insane. _Fucking distract yourself._ I knew she could feel me pressed against her, feel what she did to me. My eyes closed and as much as I tried to resist, I couldn't. Not completely. I moved my other hand up to brush the backs of my knuckles down her cheek. My thumb traced her lips and spread them just as a heavy breath escaped them. As much as I wanted to taste her, not yet. No, I loved this way too much.

"I've missed you, Bella." My voice was thick next to her ear as I wrapped one hand tightly behind her back while the other pushed her hair off her shoulder. I let my nose follow the line of her neck, breathing her in until I reached that spot I knew so well. I let my bottom lip drag over it before my tongue followed. My teeth barely grazing that sweet, little spot between her neck and shoulder. I felt her hands in my hair in that moment and the growl that escaped me came from deep in my chest. My hand dropped to grip her thigh just as I sucked that sweet spot into my mouth. Before I could find it in me to moan her name against her skin, we were pulling away from each other as tiny feet ran back into the kitchen. We both turned towards Anthony as he grabbed two more carrots and ran back to the tv. We both breathed a laugh as we eyed each other, my chest falling heavy as I watched Bella adjust her dress and lick her lips.

I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to make it through the rest of the date.

Dinner was filled with lingering brushes of skin and secret smiles filled with promises. Anthony had a green toy soldier dancing through his mashed potatoes, and the soft smile on my wife's face was something I wanted to commit to memory. Picking up Bella's hand, I press a soft kiss to her skin and excuse myself from the table. I didn't know much about cameras, but I knew that Bella would spend hours playing with the settings on her new present before she was happy with it, so I snagged her old Canon off of her dresser and brought it back with me. It takes a second, but I find the self timer and set it on the kitchen counter while Bella helps Anthony wipe food off of his toy. Coming up behind her, I push the hair off of the back of her neck and press a soft kiss against her skin, my lips curving up at the shiver that dances across her shoulders in response. She tilts her head back to look at me, and the smile on her face and the sound of Anthony's giggle as the flash goes off is everything. She stills for a moment, and her face softens as she realizes what I did. Giving her a wink, I brush the pad of my thumb across her cheek before taking my seat again. I'd help her find everything she loved again.

Before I knew it, we were tucking Anthony into bed and tiptoeing down the stairs together, our laughter the only sound in the house. We made it a little more than halfway down before I couldn't hold back anymore. A snag of her wrist had Bella spinning off balance, and I took advantage of her uneven footing and pressed her back against the wall with a thud. The laughter died in her throat and she swallowed a gasp, but the smile never left her face as I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and for a moment, we just stared at each other. I'm not sure if she moved first, or if I did, but her lips were pressed against mine and our teeth clashed together as I was lifting her legs up onto my hips, one hand buried in her hair and the other pressed against her ass as I stumbled down the rest of the stairs.

I carried her until I found the closest wall and pressed her against it, one hand keeping her legs around me while the other moved up to tangle in her hair. It was her voice that slowed the fire in my kisses.

"This doesn't feel slow." There was a breathy laugh before she pressed her lips against mine again and a very small part of my mind told me to slow down but another part of me, the more dominant part, told me to take my wife to bed.

"If I remember correctly, sometimes you like it slow, Bella." To emphasize my words, I pressed my hips against her, my mouth claiming hers slower than before, my hands roaming her sides and hips before I set her on her feet again. One hand tangled in her hair and tugged her head back as I caught her eyes for a moment and then whispered soft words against the side of her neck. "Isn't that right, Wife?"

"Edward, please?" Her plea came as a whisper of breath, one I couldn't ignore. I know my wife. I know what she wants and how she wants it. I felt the crease of my brow and knew she would sense the internal struggle of she saw my face so I buried it against her skin, trailing warm, wet kisses across her neck and down the front of her chest. When I closed my eyes, I wasn't sure which version of myself would emerge. The one who desperately needed to be with his wife, or the one who was desperately afraid of fucking things up with his wife by moving too fast.

Another growl against her flesh had Bella scratching at the back of my neck, her breathy little moans sending waves of fire through me. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to lay my girl down and cover her entire body with kisses. Every time I convinced myself to stop attacking my perfect, little wife, I found myself giving in to the sound of her voice. As a result of my internal struggle, I noticed that I had somehow carried her through the house, leaving a path of destruction in our wake. I had backed her up against nearly every wall between the staircase and my office. I couldn't help but notice that her bedroom was only a few more doors away. A bedroom we used to share.

"Bella.. fuck, I.. bedroom." My words came muffled between rasped breaths and strangled moans. I don't even know if she heard me but when I caught a glimpse of her messy hair, swollen lips and the frazzled neckline of her dress, I could barely hold myself together. With a hand under her ass, I pulled her against me and walked down the hall to her bedroom, not slowing down as we approached the closed door.

I'd heard my name from her lips more times than I can count but tonight it was different. It was too much time. Too much pain. Too much separation. I needed her but she may have needed me just a little bit more. I felt it in her kiss. The way she moaned. The way she pulled on my shirt to bring me closer. _Fuck._

"Bella.." I tried to slow myself down, I tried to catch my breath without tasting her for just one second. That was all I needed. Just one second of clarity. My throat tightened.

"Bella…" This time, I heard the desperation in my own voice. My brows pulled tight together and I paused in her doorway, pressing her back against the frame. I pulled back with swollen lips, panted breaths and silent pleas in my eyes.

"Baby, what is it? What's wrong?" Her voice was laced with concern. I felt her delicate hands hold either side of my face and she pressed one, slow and gentle kiss to my lips. Different than before. Not filled with rushed lust but with love. "We don't have to.. If you don't want—"

Before Bella could finish that thought, I silenced her lips with my own. Shaking my head, I breathed her in and dipped my head lower, pressing soft kisses and sucking gently on the side of her neck while my hands roamed her sides, slower this time. After finding my voice again, I spoke gently. A whisper for her to feel more than hear. "I do want to. More than anything. I just... I don't wanna fuck this up. I wanna do it right, Baby. I have to do it right this time. I can never lose you again. I can't."

It was hard even for me to grasp the concept of taking things slow but this... I shocked even myself with the willpower I didn't know I had. Bella seemed to understand and her smile erased all the anguish that was coursing through me. Her little nod and soft little kisses to my lips were answer enough. She agreed with me. To take things slow. Not just for us, but for our son and the delicacy of our new life. _Not yet._

I could wait. I would wait. Until she was sure. Until it felt safe. Bella and I would have our moment. It just wasn't tonight. So I pulled my head back with a crooked smile and licked my lips, my eyes searching hers, and I whispered her name before saying what my kisses already told her. "I love you."

Tears spilled silently from her eyes and she nodded as I let her stand on her own two feet. Her arms wrapped tightly around me and I hugged her so hard I was afraid of crushing her. Still, she didn't let go. I kissed the top of her head and then tilted her face up to mine so I could kiss her lips properly just one more time. She spoke softly. Perfectly. "I love you more."

With a smile, I took her hand in mine and led her inside her bedroom, turning her around as I placed my hands on her hips. My smile lazy and crooked. "My couch awaits..." Her laugh was soft, but I felt the pull once again. I saw the invitation in her eyes even though we both knew tonight wasn't the night. "Thank you for tonight, Bella. It was absolutely perfect."

With that, I pressed one more lingering kiss to her lips and one to the side of her neck before I let go of her hips and backed out of the room, flashing her a wink before I pulled the door closed and made my way back towards the living room couch.

With a heavy sigh, I tried to get my body to catch up to my mind and sunk down on the couch with a smile. Things weren't perfect yet, but they were pretty damn close. Closer than I'd ever hoped life could be again, and we had all the time in the world now.

 **Authors Note: We hope you enjoyed their date night almost as much as we did. What do you guys think is coming in the next chapter ? Leave your thoughts in the reviews!**

 **xoxo xoxo**


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